[buddhism.about.com]

An interesting article and comments.

Nichijew

I don't know if I read this experience here or somewhere else but it is instructive about the reality of the Soka Gakkai practice and resulting effect. I titled this experience,

Able Enough To Do a Zillion SGI Activities But Not Able Enough To Work

"My mother is a member and put our whole family in hell! They have meetings every single week and tell you that you are to spread happiness from the family, out to the community, and then to the world, for creating world peace. YES! That is a wonderful idea! The thing is, my mother is like a freak! She is soo 2 faced! On the outside, at the meetings, she is a leader, and acts like an angel who is trying to help people. At home, she is not!!! She is the devil!!! Because she is a leader, she is always away at meetings, never cooks , cleans, she just sits there in front of the butsudan (alter) chanting, thinking that is helping our family! I used to chant, but then, they gave me a leader position, and when I said, I have to work and dont have the time for being a leader, my mom yelled and said i was the reason our family is bad. get that!!! Its my fault for wanting to stay home with my kids, when i have a day off from work! By the way i have 2 kids and a good husband. The only reason we moved in was because we had to help with my dads illness, and housebills. But my dad died a couple of years ago and we are stuck with her. She doesn't work and says she is handicapped (full of bs is what she is) And when i got fed up with her spending OUR money, I told her to go out and get a JOB! she waited til my husband got home and started crying to him saying I dont respect her, the old mother who is crippled and cant work If she is energetic enough to do all that crap that the soka gakkai is doing, she surely has an ability to get a paying job!!!! We ( me and my husband ) are paying for mortgage, gas , electric phone, everything! (food and even her car!) She bought a brand new car and I am paying 350 dollars a month on just that! She told everyone its a benefit from the gohonzon.. (buddha) REDICULOUS! Her benefit is not my benefit! It is a money debt! Then they say joining this religion doesnt cost money!!! WELL! let me tell you! It cost very much! You have to buy all the publications, dvds, magazines, newspapers, and if you dont, you are not making a good cause for the soka gakkai. so you will slip back into the hell state of life ( which i am already in because of this stupid cult) then!!! at the end of each year, you have to make a contribution called zaimu! FIrst year members dont have to, coz they dont want to scare you off, but after that, watch out! the lowest money you can give is 1man yen, which is about a hundred dollars. and if you want to give more, it cant be 1man 5000yen, ( you can only give in ten thousand yen, twenty thousand or thirty thousand yen etc... My mom gives over 10 thousand dollars a year!!!! (she calls that a benefit to give, even though she is very much in debt. they say the more she gives money, the faster her debt will be resolved! HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET>???? Now! You members out there, try to convince me that this is NOT a cult!!!! And oh! The leader positions are given to you are supposed to be a big honor. Well, what it is is, they get you to do all the work and THEY collect the money. Of course its brainwashing! If they make you feel like you are sooo important, and you are saving the world, a lot of people will be sucked in!!! DONT believe this!!! All my friends are the same, and are suffering at home and have to smile and act like everything is bright and dandy in front of everyone. It is all a lie!!!!!!! AND! My mom is not crippled at all. She is a manipulator!"

Nichijew

Thanks, Nichijew for that posting. This just goes to the root of the problem with this sect...$$$$$$$$$. This is the first I've seen your posting of this experience so I don't know if it was from here or not (I haven't searched for it 'locally').

I am happy this is a good place for you all to share your experiences and to vent. I hope this venting will be good karma for you all as I believe it will be. Truth will NOT be denied.

I know of many members of SGI that have offspring who won't have anything to do with the organization. The children grew up with parents who always were going to SGI activities instead of spending time with them. I still know of families today that are like that. In general, meetings are not oriented towards children. I remember adults in SGI advising me to get a baby-sitter so I, along with other parents, could leave the children at home during Kosen-Rufu gongyo. That way, the meeting would be much more enjoyable for all of the adults. Most parents would strongly disagree with this, and the attitude towards children is one reason that SGI can't hang on to members very well. The children are to a great extent ignored, and the parents are mad at SGI's attitude.

I used to be envious of other religion's relationship with their youth. Take the Jewish faith, for example. The Bar and Bat Mitzvah are such a great way to teach and honor the young person. In our city, there is a wonderful Jewish Community Center, of which we are members (everyone's welcome there). There are so many great youth activities. They have several paid employees directing the activities. Compare this to SGI. If there are youth activities in SGI, they are all done by volunteers (often quite a bit older) and don't occur on a regular basis, or at least not for long. My husband got involved in a youth group several years ago called Z-Wave. It went for a few months and had fun activities for the kids, but it was run by volunteers, and SGI would not give any money to run it. So my husband and another lady tried to raise money by selling candy bars and other snacks after meetings, but when SGI found out, they put a stop to it. The reason was that SGI might lose it's tax-exempt status if the government found out that they raised a few dollars by selling candy to support their activities. My husband was disappointed (and disgusted) and Z-wave fell apart.

I have heard that SGI is starting a new campaign for youth called "rock the era" in which there are supposed to be 2 meetings per month for youth, on Sunday afternoons. I have also heard that there is going to be a giant youth conference next year for young people from all over. I guess SGI is trying to get youth involved so that it will be able to hang on to more members. We'll see how these events go.

I heard an article on the radio today (NPR) about Scientology. The article said, among other things, that because of the internet, Scientology was having trouble with membership numbers. People who doubted or were former members were able to communicate and support each other easily, where they were not able to only a few years ago. So people were dropping out much more rapidly than previously. Of course, I thought of SGI, and this site and all of the other things I have read on the internet. People are speaking out, and gaining support, when they used to have no one to turn to if they were conflicted about SGI.

quiet one, I agree -- SGI does not seem to know what to do with children and teenagers. In my area, the YWD (Young Women's Division) were often told to take care of kids, in another room, while the parents attended meetings. Frankly, as a YWD then, I felt that this was not fair. I don't have kids, so I get to be everyone else's unpaid babysitter? Young Men's, and Young Women's Divisions were really a huge age range anyway -- basically any member without children, so you could have thirty year olds in a division with fourteen year olds. That just doesn't work. The needs and interests are too different. Why would a fourteen year old want to hang out with thirty-year old me? It was probably boring for her, like hanging out with her mother's friends.

I had a friend, a YMD in his late 20's with Aspergers' Syndrome. He was successful professionally, programming computers, but he was asked to lead a group of teenage boys, and he just floundered with that. The poor guy meant well, and tried hard, but he just couldn't relate to teenagers...and to make it worse, these teenagers didn't even want to be there. Like many children of SGI members, they didn't like SGI, and were only coming because their parents made them.

There's a real art to working with kids. You can have smart, talented people who make lousy teachers -- or youth leaders. If SGI is serious about holding onto the children of its members, they need to rethink their youth activities. Forcing unwilling members to work with kids is not the way to go! SGI is certainly wealthy enough to fund activities like Z-wave, or even to pay people to develop some programs for children and teenagers.

Again, though, I think that all of Ikeda's talk about the importance of youth is like the organization's talk about the value of democracy and the importance of each member. It's just talk. There will be some speeches and big activities, but nothing will really change.

As for the computer, I remember when I was in SGI, we were told not to go to anything but the SGI website. We were told that the temple, and other troublemakers were out there in cyberspace, spreading slander and discontent! We should be scared, very scared! Well, the reality is, it's SGI who is worried. As quiet one said, the internet gives former members, or doubting members a way to connect with others who feel the same way.

It also makes it harder for SGI to hide the bad actions of its leaders and members. Someone like that former principal in the Bronx who was doing hate-chanting in his office -- in the past, few people outside of his geographic area would ever hear about that. Now, it's all over the internet, and people all over the world know.

I, too, have had to watch others' children at meetings many times. The parents would drop off the children in a "children's room" that was way too small to accommodate everyone that was there. We had no supplies except a few donated books and crayons. With no structure, it was pretty unpleasant watching these kids. As Tsukimoto said, most of the children did not want to be there, they were just forced to by their parents. So some of the children really acted up, and many got pretty wild. Or, at my own house I would watch the district's children ( our district had many). Usually a YWD would watch them, (not fair, as Tsukimoto stated) but sometimes it was me. Some of the children would do their best to destroy my house.

One time several years ago, some of the moms decided that we were going to have a structured program for the kids--sort of like "Sunday School" at Kosen-Rufu Gongyo. We planned a curriculum and one child was chosen to lead gongyo. Then we had a discussion topic that was of interest to children. After that, we went into another room to do arts and crafts, and had a snack. (All materials and food for many kids were provided by a few moms, including me). For the first few meetings, things went really well. But then things started to go wrong. Parents were very unsupportive--they just dropped their kids off, most of the moms lost interest, and there were only a few of us to handle many more kids than we could. After a few more months, I dreaded going to Kosen-Rufu Gonyo, so I too stopped being supportive. It turned into a disaster, with only 1 person (not even a mother!) in charge and a few of us helping a little bit, watching everyone's kids (about 30 or so). The lady in charge was bringing her own games and supplies and it seemed to me that she became resentful (who wouldn't?). Finally, the whole thing fell apart.

Once a year, our region would have a meeting for the elementary division--like a general meeting. Maybe they do that all over. Once my husband and I decided to be involved, so we went to the first planning meeting. The meeting was dominated by a few Japanese women. They insisted that the theme of the meeting be "mentor and disciple" relationship. We did not like that. Especially for kids! That did not seem something that they would be interested in. So we tried to voice our opinion, but the women were pretty aggressive, and we didn't have a chance. So we never went to another planning meeting. They had their agenda, and did not want our input, anyways.

Why does SGI not do something more for children?? I guess it's because adults donate money but kids don't. Of course, SGI isn't very nice to some adults, either, but not as bad as to children.

I had another experience with having to watch other's children. Did anyone go to the convention in Hawaii during the 1980's? I was in my early 30's, I think. Anyways, I was told by my chapter leader that I was to take care of his 13-year-old daughter. She was too young to go to an NSA convention without her parents, so I was assigned by them to watch her. I wasn't asked, I was told. I said OK. Then, when we got to Hawaii, they called in a few women (I was the youngest of the bunch) and we were told that we needed to watch and take care of the young girls that had come. So I was assigned to a hotel room with six 13-year olds, including my chapter leader's daughter. What a nightmare!

Quiet one, this is all so familiar. My district leaders finally put a stop to YWD babysitting in another room during meetings. Both guests and members were taking advantage of it. They'd drop their kids off in the babysitting room -- and then sneak out, about five minutes into gongyo! They'd do errands or go have coffee without the kids -- and then pick them up at the end of the meeting (and sometimes well after the meeting was over!) Can you believe it!? The nerve of some people!

However, SGI is not alone in struggling with providing appropriate programming for youth. A Catholic neighbor was volunteering to teach in her church's youth education program and she reports much the same thing -- parents were basically using the classes as free babysitting, the kids didn't want to be there, and a lot of them acted up. The teachers were all volunteers, and some were excellent -- while others were well-meaning, but with no idea how to teach or manage kids. But, they were volunteers, and not many people wanted to volunteer at all. Many volunteers just got disillusioned with the kids' poor behavior and lack of support from parents and quit.

The local Baptist church was having youth activities on Friday night -- but couldn't get enough adults to supervise. So the kids were leaving the church hall, sneaking out to the woods in back of the church -- drinking, smoking pot, making out. Not exactly the Christian activities that the parents had envisioned when they gave the kids permission to go!

A talk on mentor-disciple for kids, ugh. I realize that SGI wants to indoctrinate the kids young, but boring them to death is not the way to do it. With SGI's wealth, they can afford to pay professionals to develop and carry out interesting and educational programs for children and teenagers. If youth really is the priority that Ikeda says it is -- why isn't SGI doing this? Sadly the emphasis on youth is like a lot of things in SGI -- all talk, no action. Apparently, it's more important to furnish another luxurious suite for Ikeda than to actually do something for members or their children.

I found these last few posts pretty funny and something I could that I could relate.

As the non practitioner, my wife will often ask me to keep watch over the kids (including two of our own) during daimoku tosos at our house. The kids are very happy to be hanging out with me watching Spongebob, away from the chanting. We just moved into a much larger home so I expect the activity to increase, lol.

I agree with what tsukimoto said about why the SGI isn't funding more interesting Buddhist educational programs. I've been to many of my kids' Young Lions and Future division meetings and they just don't cut it - my kids will often not want to attend. It's usually just the same babble I hear at the adult meetings although at a more elementary level. I went to one of my son's recently where they were talking about the importance of financial contribution to the organization and its not even close to May!

Quote
ScoobyDooby
II went to one of my son's recently where they were talking about the importance of financial contribution to the organization and its not even close to May!

Please tell me that you're joking. No, wait, this is SGI....you're not joking. So, the kids listen to a lecture on the importance of financial contribution to SGI. Then the kids get to play some lively and educational games like "Pin the tail on the donkey." Except that instead of a cut-out of a donkey, there's a life-sized cardboard cut-out of President Ikeda. And instead of getting blindfolded and trying to pin a paper tail on him, the kids are blindfolded and try to pin play money onto him. Hey, they're just preparing the kids to be good SGI members when they grow up!

And then there's the exciting darts game -- with the picture of former Nichiren Shoshu High Priest Nikken in the center of the dart board.