Hitch...
Thanks! Ha ha! Gives me chills! Of course I know better, I'm just lonely. I had no other social life. Moved up here & was immediately sucked into the gakkai machine!
So now that I'm not having meetings here, I'm feeling lonely...but not THAT lonely!

Thanks for the reminder!
Shavoy,
I did see people outside of practice & THAT was the problem! I started getting sh.. for doing outside activities...even though it was suppose to have changed!! So tbat is why I felt bad for not answering....but I know better. they always have an agenda!

Utube video hilarious!!!! I will ne er get that tune out of my head, in fact I think I will make it my phone message!! Lol

THANKS!
JLynneda

Hello everyone. I joined soka gakkai.NSA in 1977. I have read all 443 pages of this forum over the last few months. Boy does so much of this stuff hit home for me. I always felt over the years that there was something wrong. Could never quite put my finger on it. Of course it was always my fault according to the organization. Stayed away an honest 10 years or so and actually tried to reconnect with some of the people who I thought were my friends. Ha Ha!!. If I didn't have anything to offer SGI they had no use for me. Same old boring crap that I listened to for years. Just thought I'd join in here and post some of my experiences over the years in the org. I read some of the posts on here and sit here and laugh out loud. Hey I look back and say did I really do some of that stuff? Might as well laugh about it now cause it was all so silly. I've pretty much left the org in the rearview mirror. This forum is great. Keep up the good work everyone.

Hi!

I want to thank this forum, it was very helpful to me. Because when it is time to leave this organization you can feel lonely and scared.

Anyway, I started to chant 8 years ago, because I was in a desperate situation. I always had doubts about all that Ikeda myth, never have a open mind and ask question about "the law" and of course, this easy answer:'Chant, you will understand"

The fact is that I have been chanting in 4 very differents countries and I always thought I would chant forever. People were nice enough to attend some meetings and I really belevied I could change my life with this practice. Six month ago, I arrived in France, then I discover in SGI all I hate about people. Basically they were chanting for more than 20 years and were so negatives and saying bad things about each other. Complaining all the time about their life and they all had one big enemy to fight. I realize how lost and brainwashed they were and got scared. I tried to understand and start to questioned "is this buddhism really working?" The perfect answer was always, "they did not understand Sensei's heart" Or they are chanting in a wrong way... Of course always a good excuse.

Then I started looking into my life and those 8 years, all those hours of daimokus for goals, they never arrived. The Gohonzon put me in those life conditions to improve myself and I had to fight without doing any personal strategy (that is small ego), one day, the results would come.

I got really tired but to scared to stop. Hopefully my husband is a scientist and he was always respectfull but sceptical. We talked a lot and I understand now I have lost the control of my life, leaving all the importants decisions to the Gohonzon and Lotus strategy. I was in a deep depression and frustated with my life conditions. Now I just want to move on but I am still with that crap that a lot of really bad things will hapen to me, that the people I love will die and that I will become miserable.

Just writing this message, I feel less lonely in this decision, I know I can not talk freely with the few friends I have made in SGI. They wouldn't understand. 2 of them already told me that I will never be happy if I stop.

I feel scared but I want to feel free with those feelings.

Really, I have wonderful friends, beautiful people, they do not chant and they have issues sometimes but they are happy. Instead the people I know from SGI seem happy but always in this fight and seriously, most of them do not have happy life.


Thanks!

@Jlynne....they were bothering you about outside activities??? Yeesh! That reminds me of a recent post I made about how back in the day, senior leaders were seriously discouraging one of my best friends at the time (who was also a leader) and me from hanging out apart from Gakkai stuff. They said it was a bad cause, because it would sway us away from practicing correctly. The cause it made was unnecessary heartache for our friendship.

We stood up to the nonsense and they did back down. Nuts.

Welcome to crazyshyone and Luz!

To Luz: The fear that is instilled is a hard shell to crack. Trust us here, your life will not self-destruct and hell will not open up and swallow you. You are listening to your heart and it's saying this is not happiness, nor freedom.

Bad things happen to devoted SGI leaders/members all the time. Things that you think, because there has been so much chanting, activities, "trying to understand Sensei's heart", etc---should not happen! Accidents, early deaths, financial quicksands, mental/physical chronic illnesses. These things happen to us all. SGI cannot promise the certainty of overcoming all obstacles in life. They say that it's assured, but it's not.

Like you shared, you have many friends outside of SGI who are happy and great people. It seems to me and I know it's a repeated theme of mine, but these leaders, who may be very sincere, are on the SGI treadmill, with that Golden Carrot of Happiness dangling just out of reach. They are scared, too. And a number of them may never have the courage to listen to their heart.

An irony is that Mr. Ikeda has always said in his guidance that "we must live true to ourselves". Well, everyone here is doing just that. And SGI just don't feel true.

I spent 20 years or so waiting for the day I was going to be totally enlightned. Never happened. Of course is was my fault. They always told me what a miserable sob I would be if I left. Brainwashing is a very powerful thing. They would always say more daimoku, more shakabuku, more activities yada yada yada. Hell we were already doing activities in some cases 3 to 5 nights a week and sometimes 6.

Finally one day I had to do a little soul searching and ask myself what was I really gaining from this practice. When I couldn't come up with anything of real value I new it was time to bail out.

I was always asked all the time to give experiences at district meetings about all the benefits I was receiving from my practice. Should have seen some of the reactions when I told the leaders I didn't have an experience to give. Some of the experiences I heard people give at meetings at times were so off the wall that I had a hard time keeping a straight face.


Once in while I'll run into an old SGI member or area leader and there lives are no different or better than they were 20 to 25 years ago.

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Luz
Just writing this message, I feel less lonely in this decision, I know I can not talk freely with the few friends I have made in SGI. They wouldn't understand. 2 of them already told me that I will never be happy if I stop.

What sort of "Buddhist" predicts and practically wishes unhapiness on others? The "You're either with us or against us" attitude in SGI is really astounding. The most negative person I know or will ever know is someone who's been in the SGI for over 40 years. To me, this person is living proof that staying with the SGI is no fast and easy pass to a happy life.

A big welcome to coolshyone and Luz. It's great to see that this board is connecting with ex-SGI folks out there.

Hi Luz,

I can understand how you feel. From my perspective and experience I would agree that especially with staunch long-term SGI members there is a kinf of sadness at times - at a time they aspired for so much by using this parctice and now all thats left is SGI to them. I still do practise (not in with SGI though). Personally I believe that quote about using the startegy is a teribble misinterpretation ... okay now and again one may wnat to chant for something okay, but the way I have come to understand buddhism is that the universe is surley a huge big thing... so are my wishes always really what my life needs? or is it not the wisdom to make right decission ... and that includes having the strength to also live with wrong decissions.
At any rate to be told what your life should look like is not on and if your instinct tells you that some people to be aorund with are bad for you then distance yourself from them. In my books buddhist philosophy is bigger and deeper than SGI's interpretation of it and Nichirens teachings are at times far more complex than SGI makes one believe ... especially on how to intrepret them today.
:-)

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coolshyone
I was always asked all the time to give experiences at district meetings about all the benefits I was receiving from my practice. Should have seen some of the reactions when I told the leaders I didn't have an experience to give. Some of the experiences I heard people give at meetings at times were so off the wall that I had a hard time keeping a straight face.

I remember many meetings where the floor was open to anyone with an experience and you could hear crickets chirping. It was always uncomfortable and seemed to happen a lot in the last district I was in. I would also get badgered to give experiences but I don't think I gave one in the last 5 to 10 years I was in the SGI. I refused to be one of those people who attributed every little good thing in their life to the organization or, worse yet, Ikeda. If I couldn't honestly come up with something that I thought was a direct result of my practice, I kept my mouth shut. Needless to say, I was often branded as being "very quiet."

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SGBye

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Luz
Just writing this message, I feel less lonely in this decision, I know I can not talk freely with the few friends I have made in SGI. They wouldn't understand. 2 of them already told me that I will never be happy if I stop.

What sort of "Buddhist" predicts and practically wishes unhapiness on others? The "You're either with us or against us" attitude in SGI is really astounding. The most negative person I know or will ever know is someone who's been in the SGI for over 40 years. To me, this person is living proof that staying with the SGI is no fast and easy pass to a happy life.

A big welcome to coolshyone and Luz. It's great to see that this board is connecting with ex-SGI folks out there.

I second SGBye's big welcome to the newest posters here. SGBye & I sometimes think a lot alike and has chosen the exact same quote that I wanted to comment on . . . . .

"2 of them already told me that I will never be happy if I stop."

Luz, no real "friends" would ever tell anybody such a thing in this type of situation.

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Luz
... my husband is a scientist and he was always respectfull but sceptical. We talked a lot and I understand now I have lost the control of my life, .....

You have a true friend in your husband. Skepticism and scientific literacy inoculated me against the cult's BS and literally pulled me out. Your husband can help you along the way, a lot. It's a slow process and you'll have to face a lot of self-doubt, but the cultivation of critical thinking (which the cult discourages every chance it gets, if you let them) is your life-jacket - don't let go of it.

Also, as per AntiCult, I don't recommend hopping from one frying pan to another (different sects, religion, cult, etc.), but that's a choice that everyone has to make for themselves based on their own needs/desires.

Oh, and btw, I can relate to your experiences with sgi members. They are, hands down, some of THE most manipulative and whacked out people that I have ever had the misfortune to encounter throughout my entire life.