Just writing this message, I feel less lonely in this decision, I know I can not talk freely with the few friends I have made in SGI. They wouldn't understand. 2 of them already told me that I will never be happy if I stop.
What sort of "Buddhist" predicts and practically wishes unhapiness on others? The "You're either with us or against us" attitude in SGI is really astounding. The most negative person I know or will ever know is someone who's been in the SGI for over 40 years. To me, this person is living proof that staying with the SGI is no fast and easy pass to a happy life.
A big welcome to coolshyone and Luz. It's great to see that this board is connecting with ex-SGI folks out there.
I second SGBye's big welcome to the newest posters here. SGBye & I sometimes think a lot alike and has chosen the exact same quote that I wanted to comment on . . . . ."2 of them already told me that I will never be happy if I stop."
Luz, no real "friends" would ever tell anybody such a thing in this type of situation.
... my husband is a scientist and he was always respectfull but sceptical. We talked a lot and I understand now I have lost the control of my life, .....
You have a true friend in your husband. Skepticism and scientific literacy inoculated me against the cult's BS and literally pulled me out. Your husband can help you along the way, a lot. It's a slow process and you'll have to face a lot of self-doubt, but the cultivation of critical thinking (which the cult discourages every chance it gets, if you let them) is your life-jacket - don't let go of it.
Also, as per AntiCult, I don't recommend hopping from one frying pan to another (different sects, religion, cult, etc.), but that's a choice that everyone has to make for themselves based on their own needs/desires.
Oh, and btw, I can relate to your experiences with sgi members. They are, hands down, some of THE most manipulative and whacked out people that I have ever had the misfortune to encounter throughout my entire life.