NancyB Wrote:
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> changedagain on July 07, 2019 you re-posted some
> great posts that sums up a lot.Thanks!

No problem :)

From January of this year:

Re: The Living Word Fellowship, The Walk, John Robert Stevens
Posted by: Reachingforward
Date: January 10, 2019 09:20PM

I have been reading this forum for several years and am finally making my first post. I was in TLWF for 22 years. It's been 20 years since I left and I still have a difficult time explaining this experience to anyone. Like so many on this forum, my family and I gave everything to TLWF. We attended services 3 times/ week, mustered out for Saturday work days, assisted APCO on numerous "kingdom" projects, made dozens and dozens of trips to Shiloh and gave of our finances. We had no time left for anything and were working the equivalent of two full time jobs. I still struggle with why I believed God was in this and that the leaders had integrity. It makes me question my own intelligence and sanity.

I struggle with why I stayed so long. Why did I waste that part of my life and sacrifice family and personal relationships to remain in TLWF. I was never comfortable with the rock star treatment enjoyed by JRS, Gary and Marilyn and the control and authority the church exerted over it's members. Eventually we did get burned out and left. We were also fed up with being used by APCO.

What freedom after leaving! It felt like a weight was lifted off our shoulders. We moved into a different city and started a new life. And eventually I stopped worrying about the lightening bolt that was going to hit us. However we had trouble finding a new church since nothing seemed to fit our expectations. The problem was us.

I was an atheist as a teenager and was looking for meaning in my life. I thought I found it in TLWF. I was one of the elite who was bringing in the kingdom. Now I needed to be deprogrammed. After we left, I had to start over and reevaluate what I thought about God, Christianity and organized religion. I reexamined everything from the ground up starting with arguments for the existence of God. I studied apologetics and started reading my bible. Jesus Christ is now the center of my life - not JRS, Gary or Marilyn.

Thanks for the posts made in this forum and the insight you all have provided. Hearing about what went on behind the curtain was especially helpful. It confirms what I suspected for a long time. I'm sure your postings haven't always been easy but I'm grateful for your honesty, candor and wit. I'm especially grateful for the courage of those like Shalom who have stepped forward and have shown a bright light in a dark place. God bless you all.

From March of 2017:

Re: The Living Word Fellowship, The Walk, John Robert Stevens
Posted by: light777
Date: March 22, 2017 10:36PM

I appreciate the responses from everyone... clearly there has been a bit of a stir up here, but I think this is good!

By nature I am a very strong, take charge type of person, always have been. Interestingly, I was once told by one of my Shepherds, that I was one of the most rebellious people they had ever known... such an odd statement that came out of left field, particularly because I had literally given up my life for these people... I moved away from my God given family at a young age to be and live under their thumb and serve them. I guess what this Shepherd really meant to say, or should have said, if they were being authentic, was that I would not serve them unconditionally without questioning their motives. I could always see right through the B.S. control, however, with that being said, I do have a tender, compassionate heart, and will help and do for others, providing there is not a hidden agenda, i.e. self serving.

Puddington: To answer your question regarding the PTSD...

1. Rejection... feeling extremely inadequate at times

2. Nightmares...

3. Insomnia... Difficulty falling asleep

4. My love and zest for life has / had diminished significantly... feeling very usurped, however my struggle with this, as with all of the other PTSD, is that only I can allow myself to own these feelings, or the circumstances that created this. When all is said and done, it is me that has to let go... easier said than done, but true.

5. Anger for what I allowed... why did I not follow my heart, my gut??? Why did I not leave sooner... why did allow them to "bully" me, or control me! etc...

6. Difficulty at times / in select situations having someone tell me what to do, or attempt to tell me what I am thinking... This is a HUGE issue for me, due to the fact that I had to submit for so many years to the shepherds...to G & M... i.e. "Designated Relationships", which in my opinion was a disaster and a complete and utter joke, as it was so one sided! I remember how a small group of us (secretly) would joke about asking our Shepherd, or DR "designated relationship" if we could buy toilet paper and if that was approved, what color should we buy!!! Seriously... the control was sick! The irony in using "toilet paper", was that it was a necessity in life... how could they say no! But, the color, now that was clearly up for debate! LOL...

When I have talked to family / friends about the control the church had on us, it was beyond perplexing for them to grasp and understand. The main reaction I get is, "but you were an adult, why did you allow it?" And of course, my answer, because I truly thought at the time that if I left, I would lose everything that I had come to know and mostly believed... including some of my own blood family who are still in the cult. I would also not be able to enter into the kingdom, so I guess that meant that I could have possibly gone to hell. WOW... what a mind _ _ _ _!!!

light777 wrote:
> When I have talked to family / friends about the
> control the church had on us, it was beyond
> perplexing for them to grasp and understand. The
> main reaction I get is, "but you were an adult,
> why did you allow it?" And of course, my answer,
> because I truly thought at the time that if I
> left, I would lose everything that I had come to
> know and mostly believed.

Reasonable question, and unreasonable answer...unless you happened to have been immersed in the cult, and then it is readily understandable. The coercive persuasion applied daily reached to the core of our being, bypassing the rational mind, and did its work. The power of repetition via endless church services, work days, meetings, audio cd's/tapes, relentless peer pressure etc. was highly effective into transforming us into something we were never meant to be--unquestioning sycophants. We've all had to find our way out of that mindset, into a place of healthy self-respect. The various online discussion groups have been helpful in this regard. Having an innate spunk never hurts too :)

Quote

Re: The Living Word Fellowship, The Walk, John Robert Stevens new
Posted by: changedagain ()
Date: July 07, 2019 11:51AM

Reasonable question, and unreasonable answer...unless you happened to have been immersed in the cult, and then it is readily understandable. The coercive persuasion applied daily reached to the core of our being, bypassing the rational mind, and did its work. The power of repetition via endless church services, work days, meetings, audio cd's/tapes, relentless peer pressure etc. was highly effective into transforming us into something we were never meant to be--unquestioning sycophants. We've all had to find our way out of that mindset, into a place of healthy self-respect. The various online discussion groups have been helpful in this regard. Having an innate spunk never hurts too :)

Here's to all who have found their spunk! They tried to beat us down and control us. But, hey, as changedagain said, we found our way out! :)

Yes!

'Apostle Dog' from March of 2016:

Re: The Living Word Fellowship, The Walk, John Robert Stevens
Posted by: Apostle Dog
Date: March 18, 2016 08:06AM

KD87, you said: "Hi Friends. I was a child in the walk, in Redlands mostly, in the late 70's (starting with Fallbrook) and early 80's. As bratty, rebellious teenager, I one day refused to go to church again."

I was just thinking about that and I got to laughing. I was a bratty, rebellious, womanizing, doper, drunk, THIRTY YEAR OLD, so naturally, you know what they did...
they set me in as a ministry.

Another post by 'Apostle Dog' (August of 2015):

Re: The Living Word Fellowship, The Walk, John Robert Stevens
Posted by: Apostle Dog
Date: August 10, 2015 10:05PM

Marilyn said many times that she was going to show the video of John Stevens commissioning her to be head over Living Word, I don't remember if Hargrave was supposed to be in on that commissioning at that time or not. But she NEVER showed that video. I wonder if anyone of you ever saw such a video. I was there a week, in every single meeting and that video was never shown.

One thing too, I want to say, and then I will stop posting for a few days so that somebody else will have a chance to say something, I was never by any stretch of the imagination a pastor, shepherd, or whatever by the standards of any real church. I was put in that office because of personality only. I had absolutely no theological training, I drank heavily, was an adulterer, by Living Word standards, of course, I was perfect for the job. My whole function as a "shepherd" was to put the John tapes in the tape player and lay hands on people and mouth off some generality about John's spirit. I want that understood, because my attendance at that "shepherd's meeting" does not signify that I was a shepherd by the standards of any other church in the world.

Wow! Apostle Dog had a way of telling the truth, didn't he? Good job, AD.

Reepicheep Wrote:
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> Wow! Apostle Dog had a way of telling the truth,
> didn't he? Good job, AD.

Yes