Hi Sonnie,
I understand that you are not in the UK or USA and you are seeking professional help. I am writing from Sydney, Australia if that is any help. I am not a counsellor.
However, the network of professionals in cult recovery appear to know each other throughout the world to some extent and the USA seems to be the centre of it.
To get started, I would suggest you make some overseas phone calls to the USA to inquire on:
1. The type of assistance you may need;
2. Referral in your city/country.
I found Rick Ross most helpful over the phone last year.
I also rang Wellspring
[
wellspringretreat.org]
Wellspring is an org. set up by ex-cult members who are also registered mental health workers. They were able to refer me to a psychologist in Sydney. This is a good place to start as they have a wealth of experience working with ex-LE people.Their phone number is on the website.
[b:8dbb273927]Some points on recovery:[/b:8dbb273927]
1. If you find a psychologist/ counsellor and they seem fixated on working with you as to why you joined LE - then this is the wrong therapist. People don't wake up one morning and say to themselves: "I am going to join a cult today". These groups are wolfs in sheeps' clothing so working out the "whys" in this area is not necessarily therapeutic.
2. A good counsellor will put you in the driving seat of your own healing.
3. A good counsellor will work with you on your LE experience and will only go where you want to go. Not everything in your life needs to be unravelled as LE and other cults demand.
4. A good counsellor will not impose their own philosophy or beliefs upon you.
5. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, (CBT), has had good results in assisting clients who have been in LE as it deals with giving you the tools to start firing up your reasoning and logic which then allows YOU to determine what beliefs or values do not support you.
6. Another area of healing is in the area of philisophical frame of reference. LE consists of a mix of existential philosophies that have been distorted. At some time, it may be good for you to explore any beliefs/faith/religion that you had prior to joining LE.
7. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are an individual and a very special person.
[b:8dbb273927]Where you are now:[/b:8dbb273927]
The regurgitating of thoughts and speach will disipate over time. One way to overcome this is to write these thoughts and words down. With regard to the words, look up the dictionary meanings and write them down along side the LE meaning. The proper meaning will in time overide the LE meaning. Pace yourself in this task.
The technology - you have already come along way in knowing that at times your thoughts and actions are underpined by this. Your awareness will increase each day.
Finally - there is the emotional side of all this pain. Please feel free to offload here but family and friends are good too.
I hope that some of this is of help. You are going to get through this!
Oz