Re: Human Awareness Institute (HAI) is destructive to relationships
Date: December 15, 2008 02:33AM
I’m becoming a little confused with your train of thought so I want to clarify my understanding of your questions. Please identify if my understandings are incorrect:
Your first post expressed concern about the secrecy among graduates and wanted to know what actually occurs while expressing the thought
that a potential recruit should be able to consider in advance the wisdom of taking part in activities that may give them pause retroactively.
(I agree with you on this point. I believe it is inappropriate for HAI to be as secretive as it is, and this is a significant indication of cult-like
behavior.)
In your second post, you again expressed concern about the secret agenda, and then suggested that there might be legitimate situations
where HAI could present opportunities for sex, romance and friendship, such as people who truly need sex like single people who are not
meeting suitable partners, or people stuck in broken marriages but who are not free to end the relationship. (I suggest that people with
these issues have better, cheaper, and more direct ways of solving their problems.)
Your question was, “if you discount the profound lessons that they claim to offer, you are not concerned about the effect on an existing
relationship, and you view it simply as a means to have an interesting experience and meet people, would it be a mistake to participate for
those reasons?” (I think your logic is flawed and circular, but participating for these specific reasons is your decision.)
In your next post, you state: “I have heard that most participants are actually happy with the experience…did many truly have a good
experience? It seems to me that you must have had years of positive experience before concluding that it was negative because of the effect
on your marriage.” (I simply ask how many of the regular participants at HAI truly have good relationships with their family, and with their
outside friends? Cutting off family and having good relationships only within the group and not with others is another significant sign of
cult-like behavior.)
and …”I am wondering why it would be bad for me to have the type of experience that you used to enjoy.” (This is your decision.)
and finally… “does HAI offer respect and friendship? These are honest questions -- I have no agenda here. Please let me know whether my
probing is annoying you or you welcome the discussion.” (You seem to have gone from a cynical concern about the secrecy at HAI to
praising them for their proffered respect and friendship. Your questions are fair, your cynicism and sarcasm is unnecessary.)
I have suggested that you consider HAI to be like LANDMARK (EST). The people who remain in these groups always claim that they have found their happiness. I also suggest that those folks who followed Jim Jones called themselves happy as they drank the poisoned Kool-Aid. It is my belief, my opinion, and the result of my experience, that true self-help workshops should be designed to send their participants out into the worlds as healed individuals, not keep them in the fold as long as possible in order to provide the funds necessary to continue the cult’s business. I left the "family" more than once, and only went back because I found a relationship outside of HAI and believed their hype about making relationships better. Boy, was I fooled.
The people who run HAI are not trained in any of the healing professions. They are not licensed to provide specific psychological support to individuals. Yet, they do and their untrained interns specifically deal with people who are going through extreme psychological stress. There are many people who are traumatized by the HAI experience. This should be against the law, but it isn’t.
HAI talks a big story about healing relationships, but they don’t do it….I know of one leadership “team” that appeared to be a committed relationship until they broke up because one person was too busy having sex with all the participants and didn’t have enough desire, time, or energy to put into the primary relationship. I was able to speak with both of them, independently, and came away realizing how much they had hurt each other, and how much their relationship did not represent the purported philosophy of HAI. In other words, their actions spoke louder than the words.
Stan Dale came up with a self-help workshop at a time when developing these workshops was extremely popular and lucrative. He figured out the marketing scheme that “sex sells” and bought into the notion that was very popular in the 70’s and 80’s that “it’s all about sex.” It is my personal opinion that we, as a society, have moved beyond that. However, there are certainly plenty of people who still buy into it. These people often call themselves polyamourous and sell sex as a lifestyle.
In your postings, you seem to be asking for opinions and information about HAI. I have given you my opinion, and I am very clear that I would not recommend the experience to anyone….even though I participated and early in the experience, found some value. It is my opinion that I would have been better off seeking professional therapy for my specific issues at the time. It is my choice to find better avenues to meet people in social situations, and to address my relationship issues directly instead of surreptitiously sneaking around looking for sex outside of my commitments.
You are certainly free to make your own decision. I hope this string has been useful.