Seeking Landmark Education Input
Posted by:
Thunderjet2
()
Date: June 12, 2008 09:28PM
Hi all. This is my first post since joining the forum last night. I am very curious about Landmark Education since my dad is involved in this and hope I can get at least some of the answers here.
I am trying to get a level-headed read on it. I spent all day yesterday researching as much as I could on this, and found that, like anything, there are extremes of opinion out there. Some are saying it's an evil cult that must be stopped, others are saying it's a program that may not be for everyone, or perhaps may contain some benefit albeit with expected high pressure tactics. So, I'm trying to be as objective as possible to understand it as best I can.
The reason for my concern is that over the past couple years, several tragic events have unfolded and I am beginning to suspect his involvement in this type program as at least part of the cause. I'd like to get input especially from anyone whose lives were similarly affected. Please bear with my story here, I will try to give as accurate as possible background for all this.
The first signs started about 8 years ago, I was told by my mother that she had been contacted by the police having found my dad's abandoned car in the woods. At the time he had told her he was on a business trip, nowhere near where the car was found. Apparently, after he came back a couple days later he confessed that he was attending some sort of group event, the details of which he would not discuss with her.
Then, two years ago, I was surprised by my mom when during a visit she disclosed to me that they were having problems with their marriage. It was odd to me because my parents are extremely conservative/traditional and never discuss such things. She didn't say much however other than he was extremely consumed by his work and other things that she didn't understand. Two weeks after that visit, she told me that they were breaking up. They had been married, seemingly without problem, for 35 years. I don't remember them having a single fight.
At this time all the weird signs started pouring in. Being distraught, my mom was talking more openly and told me that basically he had came back from some weekend trip and dropped this bombshell on her that he wasn't happy and needed out. She didn't understand. She also couldn't get a straight answer out of him as to exactly what was the problem. Apparently, he wouldn't tell her anything specific, just things like "I need to work on myself". Now, my mom was 62 years old at that time and in failing health, and he was kicking her out of the house. And without the slightest hint of an actual concrete reason? One thing she did know however, is that he was still committed to go to his mystery meetings a couple nights a week. We were all stunned.
Other weird signs: Months later, after my mom moved out, and moved in with my sister, the attorneys became involved. He'd kicked her out but couldn't give her a straight answer whether he actually wanted divorce. My mom couldn't sit on pins and needles waiting and so tried to force his hand, at which point their relationship became the most strained. At this point, he would act even more bizarre by calling her up out of the blue and nonchalantly asking things like "Hey, I want to mop the floors here; what's the best kind of floor cleaner?", among other trivial things. My mom felt somewhat taunted by his lack of regard for her and the whole situation. Finally, about 6 months after he broke this news to her, she took her life.
During this whole ordeal my sister had decided she never wanted to talk to my dad ever again. Other family members also shunned him. I myself kept in close contact with my dad, since I was mostly stunned and confused during this time about what was going on and wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and just be there for them. My dad was for the first time talking to me about very personal stuff, breaking down and crying about very deep things, choices he'd made in his life, etc. that he wasn't happy with and was trying to change. In a way, it seemed somewhat positive for him, like this was some sort of cathartic experience from which he would come out stronger. Except for the fact that a long relationship and whole person was destroyed in the process.
Now is when the Landmark stuff really comes into the picture. I hadn't up to this point been aware of his involvement with the programs, other than the hints my mom gave but didn't think a whole lot about. But now in conversation he started saying strange things: of my sisters refusal to speak with him, he would say: "You know, that's just her racket, there's nothing I can do about it". Of my brother's wife, who had some harsh words for him, he would say things like "She's created these stories in her head, she's already decided what it is, and there's nothing I can do to change her mind". He started using this weird language with "rackets" and "stories" and "acts". With each visit he would want to sort re-hash and then summarize his problems with other family members using this sort of empty jargon. I asked him where this stuff is coming from and he told me about Landmark. I don't know how long he's been regularly involved with this particular group, but I suspect a couple years.
The biggest problem I see with their teachings it is that it appears to be sort of an enticing but dangerous panacea for real problems by essentially absolving them of responsibility--they teach that people essentially bring the things on themselves, and that if you are having a problem with something, you can just abstract the real problem to a mere thought and "just let it go". My mother had just died, and he's basically attacking and criticizing family members for having strong feelings about it, saying they should just "let it go".
At this point, he appears to want to repair these relationships that have been broken or strained over the past years. I don't think it going to happen, though, because this thing he's become involved with seems to teach how to alienate and disrespect people more than actually maintain healthy relationships. Since he's always wanting to talk to me about these situations, I try to give him my perspective--based on reality--about respecting people and not just reducing them to, and dismissing them as theoretical philosophical constructs. He doesn't seem to get it and continues ever more with this weird mindset.
Questions:
- Am I over-estimating this as a problem? Is it common for such seemingly transparent groups to have this level of effect on a man?
- He now lives alone with only Landmark friends as acquaintances (nearest willing to communicate with him lives outside the state). Is it possible to break through to get him to see things clearly, for the sake of his and our family's well-being?
Thanks for listening. I appreciate your input.