Hi Disenchanted,
You wrote:
Quote
Everyone on the board,
I would like to see a professional, but I am so overwhelmed at the idea of trying to explain all of this. I am also a little concerned that some random counselor might not see the seriousness of the situation or that because of the mental conditioning, I might explain it all in a way that doesn't seem that bad.
I wanted to ask if anyone has advice or recommendations as I search for a professional to work with.
These are my thoughts:
If you have a family doctor or know any doctor who you are sure is not involved in Impact and can be trusted, you could explain the situation to them and ask them to make enquiries anonymously on your behalf to find a good therapist and do the checking for you (ie checking that therapist is not involved in Impact or other LGATs or LGAT thinking).
Useful questions to ask the doctor if you are not sure they are trustworthy are things like 'do you know anything about Impact' or 'do you know anything about these courses that break you down and build you up' and 'would you recommend them' - usually you can judge (yes, judge :) ) from their response where they stand.
Also, make it clear to therapist that you are looking for trauma counselling (not general counselling). That will keep the work focussed on the the trauma (what happened to you) rather than trying to shift it to 'your issues' or 'your childhood' which are not necessarily relevant and could be quite harmful for you because it can feel like another version of shifting the blame onto you like Impact does, and getting you to take responsibility blah blah which you have no doubt been doing ad nauseum through Impact. Later you may want to do general therapy but its best to keep that separate from the immediate problem.
If you are having symptoms of PTSD or any strong physical effects (insomnia, nightmares, anxiety etc) related to your thoughts and feelings about this it may be a good idea to also see a psychiatrist for short-term medication - though with the warning to avoid anything addictive if possible.
When it comes to explaining (once you are sure of trust) what I eventually did was blurt out the worst features and facts of the training - I'm sure you can think of the most shocking parts. Trying to explain slowly and logically in a meaningful way didn't work I think because lgats are not logical and what they do is far outside the normal bounds of society. So saying what you felt for example doesn't really get the initial point across.
I hope these thoughts are useful. Good luck with finding someone good to work with.
Regards,
Sane