Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
nooneofanyimportence
()
Date: September 21, 2010 06:19AM
The Emotional Pain Of Leaving A Cult
The following is how former cult members and members of spiritually abusive systems described how they felt when they finally left their group. This may give you some insight into their pain and why there are no easy answers for them.
It Hurts
It Hurts to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was the “one true religion,” the “path to total fredom,” or “truth” was in reality a cult.
It Hurts when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught not to question - were “pulling the wool over your eyes” albeit unwittingly.
It Hurts when you learn that those you were taught were your “enemies” were telling the truth after all - but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to listen to them.
It Hurts when you know your faith in God hasn’t changed - only your trust in an organization - yet you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble maker, a “Judas”. It hurts even more when it is your family and friends making these accusations.
It Hurts to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you forget your family and friends?
It Hurts to know you must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone including family, friends and other former members.
It Hurts when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were - even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You don’t know what to do with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.
It Hurts when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are “floating” and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.
It Hurts when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.
It Hurts when you have to front up to friends and family to hear their “I told you so” whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you already do - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.
It Hurts when you realize you gave up everything for the cult - your education, career, finances, time and energy - and now have to seek employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those missing years?
It Hurts because you know that even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time ... at least that is what it seems to you - wasted time.
The Pain Of Grief
Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer.
Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn’t - It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
The following is how former cult members and members of spiritually abusive systems described how they felt when they finally left their group. This may give you some insight into their pain and why there are no easy answers for them.
It Hurts
It Hurts to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was the “one true religion,” the “path to total fredom,” or “truth” was in reality a cult.
It Hurts when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught not to question - were “pulling the wool over your eyes” albeit unwittingly.
It Hurts when you learn that those you were taught were your “enemies” were telling the truth after all - but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to listen to them.
It Hurts when you know your faith in God hasn’t changed - only your trust in an organization - yet you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble maker, a “Judas”. It hurts even more when it is your family and friends making these accusations.
It Hurts to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you forget your family and friends?
It Hurts to know you must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone including family, friends and other former members.
It Hurts when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were - even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You don’t know what to do with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.
It Hurts when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are “floating” and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.
It Hurts when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.
It Hurts when you have to front up to friends and family to hear their “I told you so” whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you already do - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.
It Hurts when you realize you gave up everything for the cult - your education, career, finances, time and energy - and now have to seek employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those missing years?
It Hurts because you know that even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time ... at least that is what it seems to you - wasted time.
The Pain Of Grief
Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer.
Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn’t - It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
nooneofanyimportence
()
Date: September 21, 2010 06:21AM
There are three main stages in the recovery process:
Realisation and Exit
Comprehension and Emotions
Reconstruction and Dreaming
Stage One
This first stage varies in length. The length is dependent on the method of exiting. This stage is marked by the time and experience that alerted the cultist to the danger of the group and resulted in the cultist exiting the group permanently. The key to an effective exit is whatever helps to "jump start" the critical thinking process of the mind. This process has been on hold for much too long because the cult has told the followers that to question and doubt the group is to betray god (or whatever).
Awareness of the insidious nature of the cult and the decision to leave comes slowly for some and quickly for others. For example, someone receiving exit-counselling becomes aware and leaves the cult very quickly as compared to someone who walks out after reflecting over several months or years on "devil-inspired" doubts.
Even after leaving, some ex-cultists are not sure if they made the right decision and "float" between their old cult identity and their new freed identity or pre-cult self. The more information and support a cultist receives during this stage, the better equipped they are to handle the pain and loss of stage two.
Stage Two
The second phase is full of ups and downs, of feeling like you just returned from Mars, of exciting new freedoms and discoveries, and it is also full of rage and pain. It involves coming to terms with being raped, emotionally and spiritually. I don't know how to convey the extremes of pain possible in this phase. Perhaps, it is how you would feel standing by helplessly as some crazy person slowly murdered someone you loved. It seems so incredulousness to many that because they wanted to serve god and their country, wanted to help people, and wanted to make the world a better place - for this extension of their selves they were cruelly used. This is a very difficult aspect of the experience to reconcile. "What ever did I do to be treated like this?" is a question that rings deep in the heart of any ex-cultist. The answer to this question resides in understanding how mind control techniques work.
It is no wonder, then, that the rage and anger the ex-cultist feels is often overwhelming and frightening. So much so, that many tend to repress or deny the full expression of their emotions. But, understanding and feeling ones' emotions in a non-destructive way, I believe, is critical to recovery. This second phase can be extraordinary journey through pain and loss to learning and mastery. It varies in length and is dependent on how able the ex-cultist is to experience loss and how disciplined the ex-cultist is to study, think, and work toward a thorough understanding of the experience.
A Big Job
One of the truly tough parts about working through the experience is the very fact that it's a very big job. The ex-cultist must learn how to trust life again and learning to trust requires learning how to reality test. Because the cult phobias and teachings often touched on many aspects of life, such as family, government, education, religion, relationships, and economics, the ex-cultist often finds it necessary to examine and reality test most, if not all, of the teachings received in the cult for subtle, residual ideas that continue to manipulate the ex-cultist.
In addition, it is in this phase that the individual must learn how to trust themselves again and their ability to make decisions. Learning to trust after you have been used and hurt can be very scary, but trust in oneself and in others can be rebuilt with disciplined thinking and with courage. For those who come from dysfunctional backgrounds, recovering from the cult experience often means acknowledging and recovering from the effects of earlier dysfunctional relationships, such as:
Abusive parents, relatives, siblings, spouse or abusing others
Alcoholism, rape, incest, eating disorders, drug abuse
Difficulties with intimacy, careers, law enforcement
Stage Three
To someone in the middle of the pain of stage two, the idea of having a dream again and building toward it is merely a sad, frustrating, and painful laugh. Having spent many years in stage two I understand that despondent feeling well. It is possible to rebuild your life. You will not be able to make up for all the years the cult has stolen from you, but you can make up for some of those lost years. I've worked very, very hard to recover from a severely dysfunctional family, a life of abuse emotional, physical and sexual, the death of a daughter, many years in a cult, time on drugs and alcohol to 'forget' and so on.
I'm here to share with you that if you are willing to stick with it, to work at it, to work through and let go of myths that look like truths both from the cult's teaching and from within society's teachings, and if you are willing to acquire new skills and improve others, you can and will be able to build a healthy and well-functioning life with a dream you can work toward.
Realisation and Exit
Comprehension and Emotions
Reconstruction and Dreaming
Stage One
This first stage varies in length. The length is dependent on the method of exiting. This stage is marked by the time and experience that alerted the cultist to the danger of the group and resulted in the cultist exiting the group permanently. The key to an effective exit is whatever helps to "jump start" the critical thinking process of the mind. This process has been on hold for much too long because the cult has told the followers that to question and doubt the group is to betray god (or whatever).
Awareness of the insidious nature of the cult and the decision to leave comes slowly for some and quickly for others. For example, someone receiving exit-counselling becomes aware and leaves the cult very quickly as compared to someone who walks out after reflecting over several months or years on "devil-inspired" doubts.
Even after leaving, some ex-cultists are not sure if they made the right decision and "float" between their old cult identity and their new freed identity or pre-cult self. The more information and support a cultist receives during this stage, the better equipped they are to handle the pain and loss of stage two.
Stage Two
The second phase is full of ups and downs, of feeling like you just returned from Mars, of exciting new freedoms and discoveries, and it is also full of rage and pain. It involves coming to terms with being raped, emotionally and spiritually. I don't know how to convey the extremes of pain possible in this phase. Perhaps, it is how you would feel standing by helplessly as some crazy person slowly murdered someone you loved. It seems so incredulousness to many that because they wanted to serve god and their country, wanted to help people, and wanted to make the world a better place - for this extension of their selves they were cruelly used. This is a very difficult aspect of the experience to reconcile. "What ever did I do to be treated like this?" is a question that rings deep in the heart of any ex-cultist. The answer to this question resides in understanding how mind control techniques work.
It is no wonder, then, that the rage and anger the ex-cultist feels is often overwhelming and frightening. So much so, that many tend to repress or deny the full expression of their emotions. But, understanding and feeling ones' emotions in a non-destructive way, I believe, is critical to recovery. This second phase can be extraordinary journey through pain and loss to learning and mastery. It varies in length and is dependent on how able the ex-cultist is to experience loss and how disciplined the ex-cultist is to study, think, and work toward a thorough understanding of the experience.
A Big Job
One of the truly tough parts about working through the experience is the very fact that it's a very big job. The ex-cultist must learn how to trust life again and learning to trust requires learning how to reality test. Because the cult phobias and teachings often touched on many aspects of life, such as family, government, education, religion, relationships, and economics, the ex-cultist often finds it necessary to examine and reality test most, if not all, of the teachings received in the cult for subtle, residual ideas that continue to manipulate the ex-cultist.
In addition, it is in this phase that the individual must learn how to trust themselves again and their ability to make decisions. Learning to trust after you have been used and hurt can be very scary, but trust in oneself and in others can be rebuilt with disciplined thinking and with courage. For those who come from dysfunctional backgrounds, recovering from the cult experience often means acknowledging and recovering from the effects of earlier dysfunctional relationships, such as:
Abusive parents, relatives, siblings, spouse or abusing others
Alcoholism, rape, incest, eating disorders, drug abuse
Difficulties with intimacy, careers, law enforcement
Stage Three
To someone in the middle of the pain of stage two, the idea of having a dream again and building toward it is merely a sad, frustrating, and painful laugh. Having spent many years in stage two I understand that despondent feeling well. It is possible to rebuild your life. You will not be able to make up for all the years the cult has stolen from you, but you can make up for some of those lost years. I've worked very, very hard to recover from a severely dysfunctional family, a life of abuse emotional, physical and sexual, the death of a daughter, many years in a cult, time on drugs and alcohol to 'forget' and so on.
I'm here to share with you that if you are willing to stick with it, to work at it, to work through and let go of myths that look like truths both from the cult's teaching and from within society's teachings, and if you are willing to acquire new skills and improve others, you can and will be able to build a healthy and well-functioning life with a dream you can work toward.
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
buddy
()
Date: September 23, 2010 02:32AM
TPCWOC Letter of Reconciliation has been removed from TPCWOC home web site.
Under Elders it reads:
Turning Point is an Elder-led Christian church. Recently, an advisory team and a leadership consultant have come along side the Elder board to provide fresh perspective and insight.
What kind of fresh perspective and insight was given Jeff Barnes? Was Jeff told to be completely honest and open with everybody? Was Jeff told to elect new Elders? Was Jeff asked to resign as senior pastor of TPCWOC? Was Jeff asked to open up the financial books and ask for an audit? Who is on the advisory team? What doctrines was he told where false? What kind of advice was Jeff Barnes given and what advice is Jeff going to listen to?
Under Elders it reads:
Turning Point is an Elder-led Christian church. Recently, an advisory team and a leadership consultant have come along side the Elder board to provide fresh perspective and insight.
What kind of fresh perspective and insight was given Jeff Barnes? Was Jeff told to be completely honest and open with everybody? Was Jeff told to elect new Elders? Was Jeff asked to resign as senior pastor of TPCWOC? Was Jeff asked to open up the financial books and ask for an audit? Who is on the advisory team? What doctrines was he told where false? What kind of advice was Jeff Barnes given and what advice is Jeff going to listen to?
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
Saddened
()
Date: September 23, 2010 07:48AM
Since an Elder has no more authority or power than any member of the congregation, according to the Word of God, then I think that this elder lead stuff that TPC has advocated for so long needs to go! Especially after being an elder led church led down the road to being a cult. Not my observation but rather it was the observation of the mentor to Jeff Barnes about TPC. They know it. I'm sorry I just really don't think that Jeff Koelmer or Ron Olin have any business being elders. Ron is a man pleaser not a God pleaser. Jeff K. was just another rubber stamp for whatever Mike wanted. Sorry, I don't think Kim should be an elder because as Jeff's wife she is called upon to submit to her husband. You cannot serve two masters or you will serve one and dispise the other. I know that Jeff Barnes is a very intelligent man and I know that he has a God centered heart. He got taken in just like the rest of us, however when he started to question Mike's direction he did not do the right thing and went along to get along for which he will have to answer to the Lord and the Father. I hope that he will enroll in a real Bible College and become the pastor that God always purposed him to be. The Tony/Mike school of theology was a sham and formed to line their pockets and not prepare Pastors and laymen to do the Lord's work.
Saddened
Saddened
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
Stoic
()
Date: September 23, 2010 03:08PM
@nooneofanyimportence,
Thanks for your very clear, helpful and unflinching post.
Thanks for your very clear, helpful and unflinching post.
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
Miki
()
Date: September 23, 2010 03:11PM
Noone..... I should have visited the site a bit earlier.... Exactly what I've been struggling with. Mostly I won't come out of my room. I don't know who to trust besides my husband anymore!
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
Miki
()
Date: September 23, 2010 03:12PM
Noone..... I should have visited the site a bit earlier.... Exactly what I've been struggling with. Mostly I won't come out of my room. I don't know who to trust besides my husband anymore! And a friend or two..............
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
Miki
()
Date: September 23, 2010 04:02PM
hello all, I will probably stop by once in awhile. M&C are not longer here in WA practicing their "crap". They were my whole reason of being here, u know? I can finally let go!!! I love you all so much! especially those who lifted me up spiritually and physically. I will never forget you. I will never forget RR. Love you all! Miki
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
TurningPointReject
()
Date: September 26, 2010 01:35AM
Turning Point Church World Outreach Center Facebook page: Jesus said, "God is Spirit, & His worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth."
Will Jeff and the Elders tell the congregation the truth?
Will they admit they have been a cult rather than a church?
Or will they continue to hide around the edges...
Will Jeff and the Elders tell the congregation the truth?
Will they admit they have been a cult rather than a church?
Or will they continue to hide around the edges...
Re: Turning Point Church World Outreach Center-Tell Your Story
Posted by:
BraveHeart
()
Date: September 29, 2010 05:32AM
3 Cult-like Perspectives:
*Sociological
*Psychological
*Theological
Sociological Cult:
Does the group’s practices look like society?
Does the group behave in an odd, some what freaky manor? 

A primary indicator is complete withdraw and communal, isolated Lifestyle. (that would include leadership encouraging people to cut off associating with family member out side of the group)
Secondary marks : polygamy, Incest, pedophilia, narcotics, physical abuse, murder stockpiling of supplies foods and weapons.
Physiological Cult:
Thought Reform, ie, Brainwashing
(OK think back to the time when they forced you into long lasting fasts, or 3-5 day prayer vigils thus causing sleep depravation so they could get there teachings into your noggin)
Free will choices are made by the leaders. (After all your showing yourself to be submissive to your leader and have much adoration for your leader.)
The Individual must show great devotion to the leader.
Information is withheld from the new convert about the groups ultimate agenda.
(Do we smell a hidden agenda around the compound?)
Furthermore a Dictatorial leader who tells you exactly how to think. Causes Psychological damage to the person and family and community.
There is NO leader accountability outside of the group.
Isolation of Members, psychologically or physically.
A Physiological Cult includes intense “love Bombing.” (Love Bombing is when the cult members pour out an unheard of amount of loving or attention to an individual, and who would not like that kind of attention...)
Systematic Replacement of Pre-Conversion Identity, including personal possessions and family ties.
Theological Cult:
A group of people gathered around a specific person’s interpretation of the bible. (are you following the teachings of just one guy...?)
You know your in a cult when: They insist on being classified as Christian. (when they are not!)
Additional revelation. (examples Mary Baker Eddie and Joseph Smith)
Displacing a fundamental truth with a secondary issue.
Any contradictory teaching of an essential theology, especially Christological. (Any time they change who Jesus is..IE, the brother of the devil or the arch angel Michael)
A perversion or rejections of historical teachings of the christian church.
*Sociological
*Psychological
*Theological
Sociological Cult:
Does the group’s practices look like society?
Does the group behave in an odd, some what freaky manor? 

A primary indicator is complete withdraw and communal, isolated Lifestyle. (that would include leadership encouraging people to cut off associating with family member out side of the group)
Secondary marks : polygamy, Incest, pedophilia, narcotics, physical abuse, murder stockpiling of supplies foods and weapons.
Physiological Cult:
Thought Reform, ie, Brainwashing
(OK think back to the time when they forced you into long lasting fasts, or 3-5 day prayer vigils thus causing sleep depravation so they could get there teachings into your noggin)
Free will choices are made by the leaders. (After all your showing yourself to be submissive to your leader and have much adoration for your leader.)
The Individual must show great devotion to the leader.
Information is withheld from the new convert about the groups ultimate agenda.
(Do we smell a hidden agenda around the compound?)
Furthermore a Dictatorial leader who tells you exactly how to think. Causes Psychological damage to the person and family and community.
There is NO leader accountability outside of the group.
Isolation of Members, psychologically or physically.
A Physiological Cult includes intense “love Bombing.” (Love Bombing is when the cult members pour out an unheard of amount of loving or attention to an individual, and who would not like that kind of attention...)
Systematic Replacement of Pre-Conversion Identity, including personal possessions and family ties.
Theological Cult:
A group of people gathered around a specific person’s interpretation of the bible. (are you following the teachings of just one guy...?)
You know your in a cult when: They insist on being classified as Christian. (when they are not!)
Additional revelation. (examples Mary Baker Eddie and Joseph Smith)
Displacing a fundamental truth with a secondary issue.
Any contradictory teaching of an essential theology, especially Christological. (Any time they change who Jesus is..IE, the brother of the devil or the arch angel Michael)
A perversion or rejections of historical teachings of the christian church.
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