I cannot begin to speak the words necessary to heal your wounds and your family's loss. However, you can stop it from happening again. You have the tools at this website and in your prayers. The tragedy you describe is one that we hear often. It was unecessary as the other tragedies at Berachah were unecessary. One benefit that you have that many of us did not, is this website forum.
So much at what Thieme spoke of was hate speech towards the humanity of man. I think this seriously depressed many even into psychosis in some cases.. I caution towards not attacking yourself as this appears to be Thieme's intent at every turn. You were involved at a very young age. I was 4 years older than you when I was introduced to the cult of Thieme.
Along with the Work (didasko) teaching of the Holy Spirit, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians that we also learn from our nature and to use common sense. And yes didasko is used in 1 Corinthians 11:14. [scripturetext.com
] We are corrupt humans and only the Holy Work of the Spirit can set us right. We are not worms we are human. Some of us are "Christian humans". We are called to be responsible Christian humans and dysfunctionalizing our humanity only serves to dysfunctionalizing Christian human faith and dysfunctionalizing the Christian human walk.
Paul also says in Ephesians 5:28 We also called not just to care for our Christian human bodies, but to love.
Thieme loved war. His masters thesis was about war. At Berachah Thieme managed to twist the truth to the heigth of paranoia at every moment was "life or death" combat. And the entire world was on your shoulders. But this is not the case. I caution against torturing yourself into paranoid "false confessions". That appears to be one intent of Thieme's abusive attack on your Christian human character. If someone falsely confesses to self? Lies to self? Then Thieme can pass one false doctrine after another in front of that person and they will more than likely confess Thieme's false teaching as true. Especially if it is yelled at them from a supposed authority figure who appears to have proper credentials. And that authority figure dysfunctionalizes the victim's confidence in studying alone with the Holy Spirit. Even? Thieme could pass off false poiitical secular data and predjudiced opinions, for the person to "falsely confess" to, without clearly looking at the facts for themself.
The abusive environment was set and insanely repeated day after day hour after hour.