Christopher Hansard
Date: May 18, 2007 07:27AM
I would like to reach out to Wisedup, Chavah, and many others who may feel isolated and confused by their experiences. I empathise with you with all my heart, and I send you love. I know what it is to have to deal with the extreme intensity of such experiences alone, and feel that there is no one who would understand, or be able to help. I for one cannot afford counselling, and even if I could, it would have to be an incredibly unique, enlightened therapist who could truly understand – if anyone at all can understand fully, because I have not met that person yet!
To go for therapy you have to make yourself vulnerable, and when you have been hunted like prey and eaten like food, due to your receptive vulnerability, this is somewhat difficult. I would hope that I never, ever hear myself say that I cannot trust again, but my experiences with said man have caused me to question everything I believe in, which in itself could be a good thing, but when I start assuming that any marriage will lead to boredom and infidelity, this brings into jeopardy the very ideals that I hold most close to my heart: trust, honesty, love.
I like to think that I am a good judge of character – I can usually tell where people are coming from, I am very perceptive, pick up on negativity, and I am quite psychic. I sense energies, and can feel misintent and usually have an instant sense of whether or not I can trust someone, or whether I am not sure, and it is a grey area. I was totally fooled. Now for someone to be capable of presenting a face of being all about love and light and compassion – all the while hiding a dark underbelly of unsavoury pastimes and negative behaviour – this takes some doing, and some skill. Falsity is the name of the game.
I do not believe in all honesty that it should be tiring to be oneself. Surely one who is living in the fullness of their own light, would be refreshed and rejuvenated from moment to moment. This is the nature of existence. When you are riding the wave, you connect with the power of life. What is tiring, however, is keeping up a façade, a lie. That is extremely tiring.
Kurukulla