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This review is from: Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness (Paperback)
To be the first to publicly expose a fraudulent cult leader is courageous in the extreme. The power Amma had over Gail and has over her followers needs to be exposed. These deceptively authoritarian "spiritual" relationships are nothing but glorified narcissism on the part of the sociopathic cult leader. Having grown up in a cult myself I could relate to far too much of this story and I especially was upset by the elders in India who never warned a woman alone at such a young impressionable age that all is not as it seems in India!!!! Gail is lucky to be alive, God bless her and many thanks for sharing a story that should help many to also think for themselves again. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews

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In reply to an earlier post on Nov 29, 2013 9:00:09 PM PST
Louise says:
Have you noticed how amazon deletes every negative review and gail's spporters also post abusive comments on every negative review ? Do you think that is fair ? Although I have complained to amazon, nothing has been done about this. I suspect amazon has a vested interest in the authors book sales totals.

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Marit Hegge says:
I also find it interesting that Jean Pierre is now promoting the Letters to the Mother site rather than the Amma Scandal one - [ammascandal.wordpress.com] - possibly because this site is now an embarrassment and the realisation has finally dawned that its content could eventually rebound on the ashram once the mainstream media pick up on this story?

The attacks are not a smart strategy indeed. All these so called "testimonies" by inner circle folks who once knew Gail Tredwell are so full of holes that it would not take much to pull them apart. One that is still on the Letters site was actually removed in the last ten hours from the Amma Scandal one. Possibly because the lady who wrote it said Gail contacted her in November 1999 one month AFTER she had fled from San Ramon, seeking to stay at her home. Oops, if she read the book she would know that Gail fled on 21 November, shortly after her birthday celebration and that a timeline of her phoning up in November a month after leaving would have her exiting in October.

What I have seen in the reviews is that the majority of five stars are coming from people who HAVE the book. Who have a verified purchase next to their names. And the one star ones from those who obviously have NOT, with no indication of purchase

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In reply to an earlier post on Nov 30, 2013 10:09:43 AM PST
[Deleted by the author on Dec 8, 2013 11:26:39 AM PST]

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louise you are right .

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friends dont read such a terrible book . gail and her pr team needs money thatsy they are posting postive reviews. this book is totaly waste of time and waste of money.

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Agree Gail has a group of fanatical supporters some of whom were never Amma devotees but are simply anti guru. I doubt any of them are getting paid although one of them posted today on facebook that they ought to organize themselves officially as Gail's PR team. Their tactics are disturbing and make it impossible for people to make a negative review of the book. It boosts amazons profits so I guess they don't worry about it. Gails supporters report abuse on every critical review and so the reviews are all deleted by amazon. They also harrass any reviewer that dislikes the book. Their tactics are disturbing.

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Yes, Thanks to all the folks for the idea about a PR team for Gail Tredwell. Not a bad idea! Judging by the ongoing and escalating venom directed her way, with the people doing so not exhibiting any apparent signs of discerning how profoundly counter productive this strategy may be for Ammachi and her large scale operations, I think this may get even worse. So, people willing to help in some informal fashion seems natural enough because Ms. Tredwell doesn't have a massive operation covering her back. We'll see.....

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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 1, 2013 10:06:54 AM PST
Michael Jamieson says:

John S, people are reporting abuse on your post because you are asserting that "Gail and her PR TEAM NEEDS MONEY....." As a member of her now POSSIBLE informal PR TEAM (thanks for the idea!), it is factually the case that I don't need money. Subtract that part and you might not get reported!

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. Mattern says:
The Amma Scandal site and the Letters to the Mother site contain the same material. They both have exactly the same letters in the same order. Most of what is posted on these sites can be verified by others, some of them even I can corroborate and I'm not an inner circle person. The one that was taken down really couldn't be verified, it was of a more private nature, and I think the word 'month' was just a typo that should have read 'year.'
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 6, 2013 12:48:51 AM PST
K. Mattern says:
I don't see any venom posted here. Why do you use the word venom? If I wrote that Gail's supporters are spewing venom, would you object to that? It's okay for readers to have a different opinion from yours...

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Michael Jamieson says:
K. Mattern, you mention not seeing venom here. Have you not noticed how busy Amazon has been?!?!? They have deleted close to twenty reviews!!! I saw many of those reviews before they went bye bye. Whoa.

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K. Mattern says:
I was talking about there being no 'venom' on the AmmaScandal or Letters to the Mother sites. Just people sharing their own experiences, (many of which I can corroborate), and often sharing good thoughts about Gail as well - fond memories, well wishes and so on. The Amazon comments seem more heated and argumentative - on both sides!

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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 9, 2013 2:46:13 PM PST
Michael Jamieson says:


I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I most certainly did not say these scandals were okay. I said they were like treasures because they provided the valuable experience of disillusionment.

I don't understand you remarks re: Kornfeld's book. He not only addresses these scandals, he pretty much points to them as serious lessons to learn (like not adopting the illusion of enlightened perfection being established following mystical experiences).
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Last edited by the author on Dec 8, 2013 3:13:34 PM PST
K. Mattern says:
I checked your site and I am interested in the articles about Advaita Vedanta, more than the Gail Tredwell articles. I feel that in these Gail-related critiques, people are approaching Amma from a Christian perspective for the most part:western/Platonic: looking for some sort of 'Pure Good,' (and there is plenty of Goodness in Amma!), a stout Yankee honesty in which 'Truth' (so-called, when it may be only opinion) is paramount, instead of looking at her from the perspective of her own tradition which can be found in a book like David Frawley's Tantric Yoga: who are these Ten Mahavidyas? You'll find them all in Amma: the empty one, the fierce one,the lightning-like one. I came to Amma as an older person, one who had already received a very thorough Catholic Christian spiritual upbringing and had gone on to further studies in Christian mysticism and also hatha yoga and the beginning Buddhist teaching available in America when I was in my early twenties. I already knew all about the yamas and the niyamas, and 'the ligature' (samadhi), etc, before I met Amma. I found that my spiritual practice was enhanced by my connection with her, my consciousness expanded, and my understanding of the nature of reality deepened, so I have remained with her. However, I found that trying to be part of the ashram did not work for me. Amma once said (and it's in print) that we are here to realize God, not an ashram. The ashram, like other monasteries and convents both Buddhist and Christian, is there for people who have no other opportunities in life, for the disabled (and mentally disabled, which Gail noted in her book), and for a small number of individuals who truly have a religious vocation. In Tibet as in medieval Europe these institutions are full of 'younger brothers and sisters' who are not marriageable, (or their equivalent in our society), but who can still contribute to the work force and will subsist on a minimal diet. Able bodied persons who want to escape 'to the ashram' will not survive there, because it will not meet their expectations, and because the life force, the guiding intelligence within, will push them back to their own lives and to dealing with their own issues. They will become disgruntled and leave, and sometimes they will complain about it and try to blame others for their disappointments. That's only human nature. People don't know anymore what monasteries are all about, and have romantic notions about them. Hence crashing disappointments. Amma's ashram serves many purposes for the many many different kinds of people who come there, whether temporarily or permanently. People are having their own experiences and should take responsibility for that, rather than blaming - there is no perfect community, we all have our issues to work out. Many people I know, including me, have had beautiful experiences at Amma's ashram and also challenging ones. If there was nothing challenging, there would be no growth! And I also want to make a comment about the idealization of Buddhist 'Dharma' sprinkled though these critiques - there are so many sex scandals in the Buddhist community as is well known. (Just another example of there not being any perfect communities.) I learned more about Dharma from Amma than anyone else when Nealu asked us what is Dharma? People answered: doing the right thing, or doing one's duty. And Nealu shared that Amma says Dharma is action that brings us peace - abiding peace.
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 9, 2013 10:59:53 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Dec 9, 2013 11:01:28 AM PST
Michael Jamieson says:
The Gail Tredwell articles will hopefully be useful to some but stories like this, such as the scandals among many Buddhist teachers (usually extremely well documented and revealing about potential unhealthy dynamics in the teacher/student relationship, are in themselves valuable treasures of the dharma, breaking the hold that illusionary and delusional stuff has on us).

Contributions like Jack Kornfelds's After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, are so valuable to practitioners of all stripes.

It is also important for Gail Tredwell to know she doesn't stand alone during this intense time period.
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 9, 2013 12:52:42 PM PST
K. Mattern says:

Hi Michael, it sounds like you are saying here that it is okay that these sex scandals happened because the Buddhists are willing to write about them and analyze them. I know someone involved in one of these scandals and it is not 'okay' with her that it happened, and it has never been addressed in any kind of healing way by her community at the time or since. A book like 'After the Ecstasy, the Laundry' doesn't really help.

Yes, I guess if you don't already know that spiritual life is about everyday life, maybe that book would help you.

But anyway, my point is that the Buddhist community has not upheld dharma in the sexual department and can't be held up as some sort of shining example. To do so is just another example of delusion, and a set up for future disappointments and disenchantments. Having said that, I do agree that many books written by Buddhist practitioners are very clear and lay things out in a simple easy-to-understand way and are indeed good for practitioners of all
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 9, 2013 5:21:22 PM PST
Last edited by the author on Dec 10, 2013 12:27:13 AM PST

Gem Michalstone says:

Michael was certainly not saying it was ok; quite the opposite. In just that way that it is not ok for your friend that was involved in this scandal, it is also not ok for Gail who had to endure sexual abuse from Balu for years. She wrote the book not out of spite but as part of a very long healing process where she only slowly realized, like most of those who have suffered sexual abuse, that it was not 'her fault.'

She still holds dear the profound experiences she has had with Amma all those years and freely admits to many of her faults in her book. Just because she also succumbed to acting out in cruel ways at times, in the same way as she was treated by Amma, does not negate the abuse she suffered. Even Nealu was heard in old days as saying poor Gayatri, she works so hard and with such dedication even though she is abused and beaten.

Many folks have also come forward as witnesses to Ammas physical and emotional abuse. I myself know someone who witnessed this first hand. But as James Duffy and others ,as well as Gail say, this does not negate all the love and compassion Amma has also shown and still shows ( Gail in the RS article says that she believes Amma has vast stores of love and compassion)
Just in this way, any negative behavior on Gails part does not erase the terrible abuse she suffered. I realize it is easier to look objectively at other paths and acknowledge abuse than to look at ones own teacher and not suddenly switch over and blame the victim. I still love Amma and i always will, i suspect.

Once i have given my love i don't ever take it back. I have also had many many wonderful experiences with Amma over the 26 years i've been seeing her. But i will honor truth wherever i encounter it and having heard so much over the years that corroborates Gails story from first hand witnesses who are still with Amma, i refuse to join the bandwagon of blaming it all on Gail.

It is too easy (though understandable given the depth of feelings involved, a very human response) but for me it doesn't serve truth. I would also like to address all the remarks about somehow Gail 'recovering' those memories through therapy. I e-mailed her even though i did not get that impression from her book; Gail plainly told me that she never lost or forgot those memories, only the context changed as she finally came to see it as abuse instead of second guessing herself about whether it was her fault, could she have done this or that or not done this or that, the thousand questions that are so familiar to those who have gone through similar abuse. Even the wish to remain friends with her abuser; Gail tells in the book how in between the handful of times a year that this abuse happened that Swami was often the only ally she could count on among the male monastics. Another thing often pointed out by those finding fault with Gail is how they view her sanyasi day. She wasn't comparing what she got to what others received in the way it is spun by many posters. It was the huge inbalance of the way the Indian men in general and monastics in particular were treated by Amma and the general public compared to the women. The anger and even hatred in the eyes of some of the male candidates that day, and why Amma had to wait till the last minute to 'sneak' Gail and Dr Leela in ( perhaps to stem a mutiny?)

Gail was noting that they were not valued as the men were. She admitted that this stark contrast bothered her in those days. She's over it now.

It must have been hard to admit her less than stellar thoughts throughout her service. I don't know of many who would so candidly reveal their thoughts like that. You would think that no one else has ever been jealous or petty!

A friend of mine who spent many years in Amritapuri noticed the very obviousness of how the Indian men were treated more specially by Amma. In any case i have been praying every day for the healing of all involved and for the experiences of those many people who were not treated nicely by Amma through no fault of their own to also be heard and honored along with honoring Amma. This is all so sad and frustrating but day by day i am giving it over to God, again and again. Perhaps there is room for everyones truthful experiences to be accepted with love, if not in this world, perhaps in the next God/dess bless all involved

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This journal will be updating the events unfolding after the release just over a month ago of Gail Tredwell’s “Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness”. It will be maintained for a little while anyway, as a chronicle of a major example of the major changes (especially growing over the last 50 years in western cultures) happening in spiritual practice communities. At some point soon, even though significant events may still be happening in relation to this story, I will cease updating this journal. The focus will be returning shortly to completing the current series of articles on the 20 Yoga Upanishads.

See the following related article which includes a reading list that has links to the recent Rolling Stone, New York Times, and Indpendent of England articles covering the Ammachi scene:

Is the old Guru model now crumbling fast?

Looking at the latest wave of internet/online assaults on Gail Tredwell, author of Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness, I see there are now persons who have been with Ammachi (aka the “Hugging Saint”) the longest, and who are the closest to her still, posting their own “memoirs” of Gail with the obvious intent to completely destroy her credibility and neutralize the impact of her book. They are doing this at a wordpress blog called Amma Scandal and others (“helpful” Amma fans) have been reposting these articles on Tredwell’s Facebook page (set up for her book). Nine more negative book reviews have been removed at Amazon yet the trashing of Gail operation is also undergoing there. The sales rating for her book has been fluctuating but overall appear to be quite good! (I’ve seen it vary between #55,000 and #17,000 so far.)

Looking at the pictures of Ammachi’s last stop on her current tour, Spain, it looks like she is still drawing massive crowds. At this very moment (as I type this) she has probably entered the hall at her center near San Ramon, California for the first of a few day and night time programs.

I have found very little press coverage on Ammachi (aside from the Independent article in England, dated October 24th). A Swiss magazine named Spuran interviewed Gail Tredwell and Tredwell’s book was mentioned in the Independent article. Before that, Jake Halpern did an in-depth profile of the Ammachi scene (which includes an interview with Ammachi while she was still at home in India) on May 25th of this year in a big spread in the Business Day section of the New York Times.

Have no idea how this will unfold but I am guessing, given the clearly exhibited serious degree of emotional bondage people have with the idealistic picture they have in their heads, that many, many thousands of people will just simply sink deeper into that tar pit (i.e. the Ammachi scene). As an adaptation to the intense cognitive dissonance stirred by Tredwell’s memoirs of that scene. Not much that anyone of us can do in serving these folks.

But, there are many also expressing appreciation for these same memoirs. That includes many people who, like Gail Tredwell, have had a long term involvement with Ammachi. So, the book is having a positive impact right now and it will always been there as a valuable historical resource. The play unfolding in reaction to this book is also going to be an important part of the historical record.

Many, many stories related to the “dharma” (in all its wonderful variations and forms) over the last few decades have been immensely valuable in delivering the cautioning lessons of power, authoritarianism, corruption, exploitation, and the play of maya. Opening the door to Amma’s room to show more clearly some of the ways we sustain our “bondage” to illusions and delusions, can only be helpful for us “now” and for future generations of practitioners of the dharma.

Gail Tredwell’s Facebook page is periodically purged of the posts by those deciding that venomous attacks and “how dare you”(s) are the best tact in defending their Guru. The latest wave I saw very early this am and I could see that the hostile poster and the eight people liking the post, and commenting on it, either lived at Ammachi’s ashram (their timelines were open and public) or were very closely associated but from other locations.

A new review of Tredwell’s book, just posted at Amazon with a verified name (and purchase also!), shares some further background from a former long time ashram resident and tour helper. (Confirming, for example, Tredwell’s reporting that Ammachi indeed has assaulted people, seriously so.)

BUT, more importantly, he discusses how the idealistic imagery we hold regarding spiritual figures, and including the notion of reaching some final, solidly established imagined state of perfection, are an impediment to our growth. (And, practice.) And, he strongly suggests too that Ammachi herself is a “work in progress”, and should not be seen as some solidified “evil” figure in our mind’s eye. (But, I already knew that, remembering still the twinkle in her eyes, her hugs, and her kisses.)

You can see the above mentioned review at Amazon here

I am preserving James Duffy’s review, which the above link will take you to, in this space also:


This review is from: Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness (Paperback)
Read the book, read Amma’s devotees’ and Swami’s responses….make up your own mind. Are the Amma defenders sharing evidence to contradict Gail’s accusations?….or are they merely attacking her character?? Gail Tredwell’s book, Holy Hell, gives all a glimpse into the minefield of the traditional Guru disciple path, both the sublime and the horrific aspects. I would like to have heard more about the sublime aspect, so the reader without direct experience of Amma and such Gurus would better understand why she would tolerate such abuse, but regardless, I think Gail has done a great service (!) in sharing her story. Especially since I’m sure she anticipates the massive tidal wave of wrath from devotees and Amma’s org to be unleashed against her.

My opinion…
As someone who has spent significant time around Amma (amritapuri ashram resident, tours, etc etc) since 1990, the response to Gail Tredwell’s book by Amma / her org / swamis has been profoundly disappointing and revealing in my opinion. Pure character assassination. Their self-delusion being so strong as to blindly enable them to promote immoral rationalizations and lies. I’ve seen Amma’s violence first hand and it isn’t pretty. One example, I saw Amma take a brahmacharin by the throat and slam him against a wall. I don’t think that Amma is an utter fraud or ‘the devil”, but she isn’t what’s claimed by devotees either, that’s for sure. Here, I should say, that I’ve also seen first hand Amma perform numerous, deeply moving acts of love and compassion. What seems to drive these debacles is the inability of devotees to accept their Guru’s humanity. I feel I learned this lesson the hard way. The necessity that the Guru be “perfect”, all knowing and all powerful…and thus inhuman…ensures that one day the pedestal will crumble. Then whatever greatness the Guru authentically possesses is thrown out with the bathwater by many, while the “true believers” continue to drink the koolaid. Result: “fallen Guru / Charlatan” vs “Amma is Divine Perfection”. Neither option being an accurate portrayal. The traditional Indian “mythic” worldview of “spirituality”, “enlightenment” and Gurus must stop if we, as humans, are to evolve beyond the unfailingly, ever-repeating enactment of “fallen Gurus”.

The character assassination campaign by Amma *should* set off alarms for everyone, but it won’t, except for a small handful of people. And please don’t be so clueless to think Amma hasn’t signed off on this campaign against Gail. The swami’s, her attendant, etc do not do anything without Amma’s approval.

Unfortunately, for most, Gail’s book will be divisive, separating the believers from the non-believers…aka “Amma is perfect” vs “Amma is a charlatan preying on the weak minded, the devil”, etc. There is a third alternative imo, that requires a far more nuanced perspective of what it means to be an evolving human being. It isn’t black or white. It’s messy, it’s complex, it’s paradoxical…in other words, it’s human. For more, research Spiral Dynamics or Integral Theory etc. Equating “spiritually enlightened” / “divinity” / Self Realization with perfection must end. We’re all a work in progress (evolution), and Amma is no exception.

I will leave the reader with a clear sign of the mind set afflicting scenes like this. Someone posted a comment to the article, written by Amma’s current chief attendant!, attacking Gail Tredwell at the wordpress Amma Scandal blog. And, leaving the name of the commentator out of it, here are the remarks:


Really shocked by realising the true face of Gali. Praying to AMMA that Gail get out of this darkness & realize that there is no truth other than AMMA in this world.

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Chronicle note, November 20:

Ron Rattner shares his history with Ammachi and confirms Gail Tredwell’s characterizations and reports:

Silly Sutras: Ron’s Memoirs and Ammachi

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Chronicle note, November 21:

A reviewer of the Tredwell’s book at Amazon makes this report in a comments thread on a review:


Hipstorian says:
Ask him? Him? Nah. I’ll probably spit on the ground and incur some sort of karma for not showing reverence to a sannyasin (albeit one who appears to not deserve his robes) if we have a run in. No, I’d ask Amma if anybody. And she told another devotee yesterday that she wouldn’t comment on the book. Mother then asked this devotee which of her friends had been talking about the book to her, but my friend didn’t want to “get me in trouble.”

The conversation in the comments thread was about whether to confront Ammachi’s chief swami (“Balu”), while he is here in northern California with Ammachi, about Gail Tredwell’s reporting of his alleged sexual assaults of Tredwell. Ammachi is still at this moment in San Ramon, the public program yielding to the current paid retreat. The conclusive event of her stay, Devi Bhava, is tommorrow night (and into the wee hours of Sunday morning).

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Chronicle Note, November 27th: the following has been posted at the Guruphiliac facebook page and refers to that Swiss publication interview referenced earlier in this article. BTW, I rather doubt any attempts will be made to suppress the articles, etc. criticizing Ammachi that are coming out of America! (In the reported manner described below.) The laws here are pretty serious about that type of thing.


That skeptic with a heart, Rene Tschannen, discovered something recently about an article published about Gail Tredwell’s Ammachi memoir, “Holy Hell”:

In November 2013, Martin Frischknecht from the Swiss spiritual magazine SPUREN was doing an interview with Gail Tredwell, the author of “Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness“ an inside report from her time as personal attendant of Amma. Around the middle of November, he published the interview in German on the website of the online version of SPUREN. Today I wanted to send the link to the article to a friend and found the interview wasn’t there anymore.

I’ve contacted the publisher and learned he got under massive pressure from the Amma ashram to sue him for defamation. At loss for arguments (!) he said he took the article down. To deescalate the matters he also refuses to post a statement about why the article is missing. In an answer to a negative comment to the article on the website, the publisher said they had contacted the organization of Amma in advance before the publication of the interview for a statement, but haven’t received an answer.

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Chronicle note, November 27: four one star and one two star reviews of Tredwell’s book have been removed by Amazon in the last couple of hours. Many of these low star reviews have been noted for simply being attacks on Tredwell. Nine similiar type reviews have been deleted earlier from there.

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Chronicle note, November 28: A new wordpress blog by unidentified Ammachi supporter(s), called Letters to the Mother, has surfaced to join with another wordpress blog called Amma Scandals in trashing book author Gail Tredwell. So, essentially the Ammachi devotees are demonstrating perfectly the pitfalls of associating with bhakti cults focused on worshipping a human being who at the same time heads a massive charity empire which some folks are beginning to examine and question.

Also, we have a poster at the Facebook Guruphiliac page updating everyone with this:


Marit Hegge
A number of the posters on the site where high up ammabots have been parking their fake and slanderous “testimonials” against Gail Tredwell – [ammascandal.wordpress.com]
are stating that Gail was “well looked after” when she left.

The latest set of lies from a woman who actually resides on Maui, Rajita Cappadocia, says that Gail got $20,000 from the ashram to establish herself. Another even misleads further and says she received a pension, leading readers to believe that she must have some sort of regular income still coming in from the ashram. The sum varies but is always much higher than the real amount. They are also peddling these lies on the Amazon site. Neither story is correct. Gail informed me she was sent a lump sum payment of $15,000 in 2000 to help her with her new life. Which she spent most of buying a second hand car so she would at least have transport.

She believed the ashram only sent this small sum so they would not look bad.

Yes that’s correct folks – $15,000 for 20 years of work! When the ammabots go on about Amma’s “generosity” this is what they are referring to. They always fail to report though how when Gail requested her personal effects, photo albums which included ones from her early childhood, her paper diaries all of which she had left behind at the ashram be sent on to her, the ashram, and specifically Swamini Krishnamrita Prana, in an act of supreme spitefulness, refused to do so.

So after 20 years of working her arse off for amma all Gail had when she left was a set of useless orange swami robes, whatever she had brought on the USA tour with her – possibly some spare sets of underwear – her laptop computer, and the contents of her handbag. Plus of course further along the line that $15,000. And the ammabots cannot see THAT as exploitation and abuse!!

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Chronicle note, November 30….

The novel rank site data on sales of the Gail Tredwell paperback and online Kindle version via Amazon now totals 230 but there’s an asterisk for the Kindle sales from India suggesting the number from there may be higher (link just to the Kindle data):

Kindle sales data

There are continuing signs of an ongoing effort at the Amazon reviews of this book (including via comments to various reviews) to discredit Gail Tredwell personally. The wordpress blogs Amma Scandal and Letters to the Mother continue also to target Tredwell.

The following link to a blog (or an article there) relates to the Amma Scandal blog (explaining its background):

[amma-taavi-kassila-sex-cover-up.blogspot.com.au]

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Note, December 1…..

An article on Ammachi’s visit to Michigan (her stop after San Ramon) was posted November 29th in the Detroit Free Press and has been re-posted at the USA Today site. There is no mention whatsoever of Holy Hell by Gail Tredwell or any other issue being addressed here. Maybe they are not aware of the book? Or,do they think it not relevant to the immediate story of her visiting the public there?

Hugging Saint Spreads Message of Love

Am just seeing this long discussion in the comments thread of an AMAZON review (by this person responding to someone in the comments thread on his review). It is a long report of his observations while with the Ammachi scene (and more) as well as being a good healthy example of how to address this unfolding matter beyond the patterning of simple white hat vs black hat story lines:


James Duffy says:
Jean Pierre,

(Edit 11/29)
First, I feel it’s important to point out…that in another comments section (Raj’s review), you thanked Raj, saying, “Glad I did not waste my time or money on this book.” So JP, you haven’t actually read the book..eh? Yet you feel it’s perfectly reasonable for you to write a review and actively engage in the discussions around this book, including posting here, where you make demands of me while characterizing my comments as “blindly arguing”. How is anyone to take you seriously? Sadly, the mindset you hold appears to be reflected in many of the reviews that are critical of the book.

Despite this, I’ll respond.

(Initial response below)

My comments clearly point out I find both, the purely positive and purely negative perspectives on Amma to be inaccurate. Remember this from me?… “Neither option being an accurate portrayal”. How is that indicative of me being “one-sided” as you claim?

That you perceive me as one of “Gail’s friends” in some kind of cabal… well, that’s just ridiculous. Just for clarity, I have not had any contact with Gail since 1999 except for about one year ago, we exchanged a few emails.

As to your “Reality” #1: So you acknowledge, “her devotees have already chosen never to read it”. Are you a devotee? Have you read it? Your words seem to imply being a devotee and reading the book are mutually exclusive. It’s precisely that mindset, that many find very troubling, to put it mildly. Self Realization brings fearlessness and a willingness to face absolutely anything.

#1 Part 2: You write: “An organisation as big as Amma’s would not bother about Gail’s book”. Then why the orchestrated posts by Lakshmi, Nealu, etc? Why have Amma satsang groups across the country been having, what they call “pep talks” on how to respond to the book? This seems like “bothering” to me.

RE: “Reality” #2: I’m hiding behind a wall? Hmm. James Duffy is my name and verified by Amazon. Due to my review, I’m already in conversations with Amma devotees who know me and with whom I lived in Amritapuri, etc. It’s also very likely, reading my review has upset several people who I care for deeply. Where is the escape of public scrutiny you claim? I’m responding to your diatribe, aren’t I?

The burden is not on me to disprove claims made by Nealu and others. Their online posts are
straw man arguments anyway imo. Anu, Radhika, Lakshmi and Nealu do not directly deny Amma’s abuse of Gail and others, do they? No, they merely attack Gail…personally. That, in my opinion, speaks volumes. Gail, during her time with Amma was no more “imbalanced” than any of them! Big Swami’s serious bouts with depression are well known. A repeated “joke” at the ashram in Amritapuri where resident “breakdowns” were somewhat commonplace: “I guess `he’ forgot to take his meds today.” If what Gail has shared in “Holy Hell” is true, it seems reasonable to expect the result to be a very “imbalanced” person. This supports why she took years to heal before attempting to write her account. Lastly, if you feel it’s reasonable to demand that those of us who merely support the reading of the book, disprove Lakshmi, Nealu’s etc accounts, why do you not ask the same of them in regards to Gail’s accusations? To use your term.. “one-sided”..? If you, Anu, Radhika, Lakshmi and Nealu, etc are trying to convince people that Gail isn’t perfect..well, no need…we agree! **That “revelation” doesn’t disprove Gail’s accusations of abuse.** Gail openly shares her imperfections in the book.

I have “heard” of many disturbing things around Amma, Big Swami, etc. from long time residents and *current* ashram renunciates. Sexual activities among the Swamis being the big taboo topic, but I never personally saw anything of a sexual nature with the Swamis or Amma. That Gayatri (Gail) was being treated “very harshly” by Amma and the Swamis was quite accepted by most in my experience. Some examples of what I have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears: Amma taking a brahmacharin by the throat and slamming him against a wall; wild temper tantrums; verbal abuse; slaps; pinching; attendants flinching in fear of Amma on a level that I *interpreted* as indicating being accustomed to being hit; infighting amongst the Swamis; I have been present at meetings with Big Swami where he was stunningly nasty. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

So when I read in response to Gail’s book from the Amma devotees you seem so enamored with, that Amritapuri is.. and I quote… “a slice of heaven”…. or when Amma states to Jake Halpern of the NY Times, that there’s never any disagreements around her, they are all of “one mind”…that’s absurdly untrue. The woman who jumped to her death at the ashram certainly had a different perspective. And let me be crystal clear, I’m not implying Amma is responsible for that woman’s death. Yet, for devotees who believe Amma is all knowing, etc., I would think (hope) such events would raise some serious moral and philosophical questions.

I have to also say, I’ve seen Amma perform deeply moving acts of love & compassion. As an example, I witnessed first hand Amma and her devotees providing food, shelter, medical care, etc (!) to the local villagers during the aftermath of the Tsunami. It was life-saving for many. There are numerous other examples of Amma’s “goodness” I can speak to from direct experience. Inspiring people to meditate, seva, etc…very positive imo, though I no longer support lifetime commitment to “renunciation”. There are many profoundly sincere spiritual seekers, incredibly dedicated devotees around Amma…that work their asses off in service.

Imo, there are also some “grey areas” such as AIMS which provides surprisingly little in the way of free & low cost services. *I* find her involvement with the BJP political party, Narendra Modi (!) (member of RSS!!), extremely unappealing. That she has hundreds of millions of dollars in foreign banks is certainly “eyebrow raising”. I think my point is made without going further.

Jean Pierre, it’s fair for you to question what motivates me to invest time and energy to write my review, risk friendships I value and respond to comments such as yours, etc. I do have an agenda. It is **not** to “destroy” Amma. I do not count myself among the Amma haters and 100% anti-guru crowd.

My agenda: It is my hope to shed a light on the need to abandon these antiquated belief systems that surround 99.9% of Gurus. But to do so in a way, that doesn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Spiritual systems such as Vedanta are the product of evolution. They were not hatched fully formed in some perfect state from the mind of a great Rishi or Avatar. Nor did they descend from a mythic Goddess or God. They are man-made in the best sense of the term. I strongly believe our understanding has continued to evolve since the birth of such systems as Vedanta, Buddhism, Kashmir Shaivism, etc. [Buddhism has "three turnings" to embrace this evolution. ] The latest “evolutionary” understanding will allow us to acknowledge and honor the great mystic state development of someone such as Amma…and yet simultaneously also recognize her humanity, in other words, her shortcomings and failures. ***One does not fully invalidate the other.*** These two, seemingly paradoxical, dynamics can co-exist in the new understanding but **not in the traditional “black or white” worldviews and teachings**. Unfortunately, the outdated understanding that “Self Realization” equals being all knowing and perfect in all ways under the sun still rules the traditional eastern spiritual landscape. A friend shared with me a bit of what Swamiji said at Amma’s program last night (11/21/13) in San Ramon: “even though Amma is omniscient and knows all of our past, present and future, she patiently listens to our tales of woe and pretends she doesn’t know much.”

That statement is a perfect example of the mythic definition of Self Realization. Sorry, but it’s utter non-sense. It’s the equivalent of believing the earth is flat and the sun revolves around the earth…which by the way, the ancient, *all knowing* rishis and “enlightened” sages believed !!!! Hello!?!?

The days of only having two choices in regards to Gurus (Divine vs Evil), is in the process of ending, but evolution is slow.

Final thoughts: I actually “believe” Amma is Self Realized. I believe she’s “enlightened”. The “shakti” around her is wonderful. But I don’t believe she’s perfect, I don’t believe she’s the Divine Mother or an Avatar descended to Earth or all-knowing or all powerful. I don’t believe what appears to any rational person to be her behaving “badly”, is really the Guru removing karma from the disciple. I don’t believe the Guru’s ways are “simply beyond our understanding”. Arguably more importantly, I don’t believe 14 billion years of evolution comes to a screeching halt when one recognizes the Transcendent as the true “I” (Self). Unlike the traditional enlightenment teachings such as Amma’s, I don’t believe enlightenment is a static “perfection”, finality…a final destination….beyond which further evolution isn’t possible.

For me, Amma is another example of great mystic attainment married to a human being with many of the same imperfections as the rest of us and in her case, it appears, some very serious issues that are causing harm to herself and others. Meditation, singing bhajans, japa, seva, poor nutrition, lack of sleep, etc has not been shown to be effective in solving these issues. Best recommendation as first step?: Therapy. (and yeah, I’m serious.)

For me, this whole debacle raises questions as to the legitimacy of the Guru in the post modern age. I have always “pushed back” against the anti-Guru crowd. That’s going to be far tougher for me to do going forward. I still feel there are great “pluses” to the experience of the traditional Guru / disciple dynamic…but at what cost? *On balance*, can I continue to support the traditional spiritual model ? And for the record, it’s been the character assassination of Gail with what I know first hand to be lies and the massive(!) hypocrisy of Amma and her community that has me for the first time, questioning…can I continue to support Amma ‘at all’? Certainly not a “feel good” moment.

I hope someone finds my rantings of some value…

Sincerely,
James

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update, December 3….


Holy Hell: The Inside Story of Amma, The Hugging Saint Revealed in New Book by former Personal Assistant

KIHEI, Hawaii, Dec. 2, 2013 /PRNewswire-iReach/ — An Indian woman profiled in publications across the globe, Mata “Amma” Amritanandamayi, is referred to as a saint by many, with her hugs believed to cure cancer and other diseases. Thousands line up, often waiting hours to be hugged and blessed by the godly woman.
However, a different portrait is painted of Amma in the new book Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness, written by the guru’s former personal assistant, Gail “Gayatri” Tredwell. The true picture is far different from the facade of beloved holy woman that the public sees.
After becoming Amma’s personal assistant in India at the age of 21, Tredwell never realized that her quest to find God would end in such a web of deceit and abuse. For two decades, Tredwell acted as Amma’s personal servant, expected to be available at the “saint’s” disposal at all hours.
Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness depicts an unsettling portrait of Amma in a voice that brims with honesty and hope. Tredwell became fluent in the Malayalam language and was with Amma continuously. The author shares her unique story, keeping to the facts yet taking responsibility for her own role in the situation.
Readers will become familiar with the ashram through the images that the book evokes of rural India. They will also see the ashram’s meteoric rise from religious community to mega-empire, completely business-minded and rife with hypocrisy.
Tredwell leads readers through the stages of her servitude to Amma, beginning with the early years fraught with innocent devotion, then to the developing awareness of the severity of her situation, until at last she realizes her needed liberation is not from God, but rather from Amma.
Only after years of recovery and reflection has Tredwell been able to reveal this story in all its raw and unflinching truth. Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness is now available on Amazon.com in both Kindle and paperback editions, and available as an e-book via several other online retailers.
Media Contact: Gail Tredwell, Wattle Tree Press, 808 250 2719, gailiwell@gmail.com
News distributed by PR Newswire iReach: [ireach.prnewswire.com]
SOURCE Wattle Tree Press

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

December 7 update:

Gail Tredwell, responding on her Facebook page set up for her book to a person inquiring how she is doing, explains she has to lay low and prepare for a possible lawsuit from the “M.A. Centers” (and it looks like I might have to be alert for this too):


Gail Tredwell Gem thank you for your thoughtful inquiry.

Because MA Centers have hired a libel lawyer who is threatening litigation to intimidate me and those who publish items about my book, my time is now largely occupied with gathering evidence which supports the total truth of my memoirs.

Thus I am unable now to respond directly to private inquiries and FB messages from well meaning people like you.

If you have any information which confirms any part of my book, please share it publicly on Amazon, Facebook or elsewhere on-line.

Back in 2004, court action in India was brought against an Amma critic and while Amma was on tour that year a San Jose Mercury news reporter asked her about the case (while she was at one of her hugging gatherings):


Thousands line up for guru’s hug
by Karl Schoenberger (“Mercury News,” June 10, 2004)

The Hindu “hugging saint,” Mata Amritanandamayi, began four days of meetings with the public at her Castro Valley ashram Tuesday, administering hugs to hundreds of white-garbed devotees from the Bay Area and as far away as Sacramento and Hawaii.

Amritanandamayi sat quietly on the floor of the ashram’s worship hall, smiling and embracing one after another of the young, the middle-aged, the children and the elderly who queued up for her signature blessing. Organizers of the event said more than 1,000 people came to the morning session to meet “Amma” (Mother), as she is popularly known. They expected thousands more in the evening event.

“I feel very good, very calm and peaceful,” said Matthew Nadler, 36, from Mill Valley, as he walked away from his first experience in the arms of the guru. “This is a room full of love and acceptance. I’m a jaded New Yorker, but this is like a John Lennon concert.”

Speaking through an interpreter in a brief interview, Amritanandamayi delivered a message of peace and non-violence, and said she welcomed skeptics as well as devotees. Raising people out of poverty is our duty, the widely acclaimed humanitarian said. “We all have the responsibility to help eliminate poverty,” she said. “Even the working class should put in a half-hour of overtime each day and donate the extra money to the poor.”

Asked about a controversial legal case in which a resident of her main ashram in Kollam, India, had filed a defamation lawsuit seeking criminal prosecution of a longtime critic of the sect, the guru said she had tried to dissuade the plaintiff. But she added that the critic had gone too far, making false claims that there had been seven suspicious deaths at the Kollam ashram — which houses more than 2,000 people — outraging residents and bereaved families.

“This has been very painful,” Amritanandamayi said. The case has not gone to trial. While she did not say whether she planned to intervene, she said the critic, author Sreeni Pattathanam, “won’t go to jail” if he’s convicted. (Pattathanam says the threat of criminal prosecution violates his right to free speech.)

The guru’s message of unconditional love has won her followers in the United States since she made her first visit in 1987. April Gezunterman, a devotee for 17 years, came all the way from Hawaii.

“Mother is just pure love and light,” said Gezunterman, 50. “She’s the real thing.”

Cynthia Nightingale, 43, from San Anselmo, received a hug from the guru with her toddler, Miles. “Life can be tense. Yesterday, Miles threw the phone in the pool and then he threw up in my car,” she said. “But feeling Amma’s love helps me manage. My life sparkles by her love for all of us.”

Also, posted at [india.indymedia.org], there is this old episode:


Threat to Writer Paul Zacharia from followers of Mata Amrithanandamayi
By Mukundan C. Menon 10/01/2003 At 16:38

Confederation of Human Rights Organisations (CHRO) complaint to
Kerala Chief Minister on threat to well-known Writer, Paul Zacharia,
from followers of Mata Amrithanandamayi.
January 08, 2003

To : Mr. A. K. Antony
Chief Minister of Kerala
Thiruvananthapuram

Dear Mr. Antony :

Sub.: Threat to Writer Paul Zacharia from followers of Mata Amrithanandamayi

We draw your attention to the threat wielded against Paul Zacharia,
well-known writer and journalist, by the followers of Matha
Amrithanandamayi. A campaign has been launched against him by the
inmates of Amrithapuri, the HQ of her operations in Kerala, through
their website :

[amma.hindunet.org].

For example, initiating the hate campaign, one of the “Ashram”
inmates, Amritswarup, wrote in the website : “The venomous mind of
Zackaria has been pouring forth poison through his pen for quite some
time now. He has crossed the lines of all decency. It is high time to
respond to this evil minded writer befittingly. Amma’s children
should spring to action now. He considers our silence as weakness.
We should not let this extremely wicked person harass our most
Beloved Amma who has offered Herself to the world. COME
ON…….LET US DO IT NOW….GATHER AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN…STOP
KEEPING QUIET TO THIS ADHARMIC PERSON…”

You can find in the website more such unholy messages from the holy
men and women of this holy place!

Not only Zacharia, but also people like Dr. K. N. Panicker,
Vice-Chancellor of Sanskrit University, and Ms. Kamala Surayya, whom
your Government bestowed the much prestigious Ezhuthachan Award on
January 01, 2003, are undergoing various threat perceptions in
Kerala, for adopting firm stands much to the dislike and chagrin of
Sangh Parivar. Please click the following link to read the article,
“A saffron offensive”, by R. Krishnakumar in Frontline (Volume 19 -
Issue 24, November 23 – December 06, 2002) :
[www.flonnet.com] The
very introduction to the article says : “The Sangh Parivar’s media
offensive against secular writers and intellectuals in Kerala
reflects the growing stridency and influence of communal voices
within the State.”

Recently, as ardent devotees of Matha Amrithanandamayi, you and other
dignitaries like Union Minister O. Rajagopal, Senior Congress leader
K. Karunakaran, your Cabinet Member T. M. Jacob, etc., called upon
her to receive her blessings at Thiruvananthapuram on January 04,
2003. Since such a widely publicized high profile “holy” exercise
took place amidst the threatening hate campaign launched by her
devotees against Zacharia, we are aghast and concerned as to what
message it renders to the general public in Kerala.

However, we wish to remind you being Chief Minister of the State, as
well as the Minister controlling Home (police) portfolio, that it is
your Constitutional obligation to safeguard the life and property of
all citizens of the State. In the present instance of open threat
perceptions to Zacharia emanating from the followers of Matha
Amrithanandamayi and other powerful Hindutva forces, we urge you that
your personal devotion to her should not stand in the way of
executing your Constitutional obligations. Similar to your right to
remain as a devotee of Matha Amrithanadamayi, people like Zacharia
and others also have undeniable, undeterred and unfettered rights to
freely express as well as disseminate their views and opinions. May
we also remind that it is you who are duty bound to protect these
basic rights of all citizens?

We request you, as Chief Minister, to treat this issue with utmost
seriousness it calls for and to initiate stern urgent measures so as
to nip the ongoing Sangh Parivar schemes of Gujaratisation of Kerala
in its very bud.

Let future history not record that the steady process of
Gujaratisation of Kerala by Sangh Parivar was paved during your
present ruling period.

Awaiting all positive steps from you

Quote

Other Teachers: Mata Amritanandamayi [Ammachi] ~ Ron’s Memoirs

Posted by Ron Rattner on November 19, 2013in Blessings, Evolution, Faith, Ron's Memoirs, Self Inquiry, Synchronicity Stories, Transformation


“Crying to God for five minutes is equal to one hour of meditation.”
“The state that we attain by calling and crying to God is equal to the bliss that the yogi experiences in samadhi.”
~ Mata Amritanandamayi (Ammachi)


“The fruits of the inner man begin only with the shedding of tears.
When you reach the place of tears,
then know that your spirit has come out from the prison of this world
and has set its foot upon the path that leads towards the new age.”
~ Saint Isaac of Nineveh

Introduction.

After receiving shaktipat from my venerable Hindu Guru, Shri Dhyanyogi Madhusudandas (Guruji), I entered a new life phase as a devotional “born-again Hindu”, and for many years thereafter I faithfully followed Guruji’s kundalini maha yoga practices. But, especially after Guruji returned to India in 1980, I synchronistically met and spent memorable time with other spiritual teachers, in addition to Guruji’s successor, Shri Anandi Ma, while always maintaining my heartfelt inner relationship with Guruji – above all other teachers.

So in writing these memoirs, as requested by Guruji, it is appropriate that I tell you about some of these other teachers.

Elsewhere I have described my 1982 India pilgrimage experiences, including my darshan with Sathya Sai Baba. I told how Sai Baba hit my head three times uttering ”Enough!” ”Enough!” ”Enough!” while I was crying uncontrollably; that I was left in a state of confusion about my pronounced devotional crying tendencies. (see [sillysutras.com])

My confusion about crying for God lingered until it was memorably dispelled years later during darshan of another well known spiritual personality – Mata Amritanandamayi or Ammachi – now known for hugging millions of people worldwide.

Here’s what happened.

Crying Darshan With Mata Amritanandamayi [Ammachi].

After returning from the 1982 India pilgrimage I occasionally meditated at the San Francisco Sai Baba Center. Early in 1987 Timothy Conway, a friend and former president of that center, called asking if I would host at my apartment a program about an Indian woman spiritual teacher, Amritanandamayi or Ammachi, who was then largely unknown in the US. He explained that Ammachi would soon be making her first US visit, and that a small group of her devotees from India were seeking a San Francisco venue for an advance promotional program about her; that as a favor to them he was calling me since Sai Baba Center rules precluded holding the program there.

At that time I was living in semi-seclusion and had hosted no large gatherings in the seven year period since Guruji left my apartment. Guruji was eternally enshrined in my heart, but I remained open to learning from other spiritual teachers. So I hosted at my high-rise hermitage the first San Francisco public program about Amritanandamayi, at which some of her earliest devotees shared films and stories about Ammachi’s unusual history and devotional path. One of them, Neal Rosner (Nealu), Ammachi’s first Western male disciple, had just published a memoir which I acquired and read.

Ammachi’s Earliest Close Disciples

I learned then that Ammachi had been an abused child of an Indian fisherman’s large family in a remote and primitive village in Kerala; that after constantly calling and crying for the Divine, she had manifested many extraordinary spiritual tendencies and that, ultimately she had become a noteworthy trance channel displaying Krishna and Kali energies or moods (bhavas) to the enthrallment of villagers and visitors, some of whom – with her encouragement – had begun considering her a saint or avatar.

Thereafter, on Ammachi’s arrival in the Bay area, I attended one of her first public darshans at which I unforgettably learned about her devotional path of crying for God. Unknowingly I had been following that path since my spiritual awakening. (see [sillysutras.com] )

By that time I’d become a spiritual friend of pundit Pravin Jani, father of Guruji’s successor Shri Anandi Ma. Pravinji had moved with his family from Bombay to Berkeley, and together we attended an Ammachi darshan at a small house in Oakland. On our arrival, the darshan room was filled with others and there was little remaining seating room. So we sat in a far corner of the room behind the elevated throne-like chair where Amma was receiving visitors with hugs and compassionately answering their spiritual questions.

As I sat in that warm spiritual ambience I experienced a heartfelt meditative state, and tears began trickling – not ‘torrentially’ but steadily. On observing Amma hugging each person who approached her, I felt content to sit and savor that devotional environment, with tears constantly seeping from my often closed eyes. But I was not inspired to go up up for a hug.

After so sitting for some time without intending to approach Amma, one of her attending swamis came and aroused me from my meditative state, quietly saying “Mother asks that you come up for darshan.” Respectfully, I complied with that request, anticipating a quick hug and, perhaps, some blessed fruit (“prasad”). But that is not what happened.

Instead, while lovingly embracing me in her arms and then in her lap, with my tears still seeping, Ammachi gave an extended discourse on the evolutionary importance of crying for God. (Her words spoken in Malayalam were translated by a swami.) After perhaps twenty minutes she concluded her talk referring to me still in her embrace, saying: “If you can cry like him, you’ve won the spiritual sweepstakes.”

The Path of Tears.

Dramatically encouraged by Ammachi, I never again doubted the immense blessing of my spontaneous devotional longing and crying for the Divine. And with curiosity sparked by Ammachi’s discourse, I later found similar teachings from other spiritual teachers in various traditions. (see [sillysutras.com] ) Especially resonant were teachings of nineteenth century Indian holy man Shri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, with whom I had developed inner rapport after my unforgettable 1982 deja vu experience at his Dakshineswar residence place.

Ramakrisha, who had cried torrential tears for the Divine Mother, taught:

“f you weep before the Lord, your tears wipe out the mind’s impurities of many births, and his grace immediately descends upon you. It is good to weep before the Lord.” – “Devotional practices are necessary only so long as tears of ecstasy do not flow at hearing the name of Hari. He needs no devotional practices whose heart is moved to tears at the mere mention of the name of Hari.”

After receiving shaktipat initiation from Guruji and the spiritual name “Rasik” – “One engrossed in devotion”, I had continuously kept yearning and often spontaneously calling and intensely weeping for the Divine. So, encouraged by Ammachi, Ramakrishna and others I was much attracted to Ammachi’s path of heartfelt singing and calling to the Divine, and was strongly motivated to see her again. And I did.

Years of tears with Ammachi.

For the next seven years after that first darshan I saw Ammachi during her bi-annual visits to the US and, in her absence, I often attended meditation programs at her nearby San Ramon ashram. Also, on my retirement, in February 1992 for several weeks I visited Ammachi’s Kerala, India ashram, since my daughter Jessica was then an ashram resident known as “Yogini”.

Though often I cried intensely for the Divine at Ammachi’s darshans, unlike most others there I usually was not motivated to receive her hugs. But in her presence I enjoyed marvelous devotional meditations, with tears, laughter, singing, and occasional spontaneous dancing to Amma’s bhajans. Thus through Ammachi I received bountiful blessings for which I am eternally grateful.

Prelude to a new life era.

At first I experienced an exceptionally powerful devotional ambience around Ammachi. And I was much moved by her soulful singing of bhajans calling to the Divine. However, my experience of devotional blessings around Ammachi and my enthusiasm for her darshans gradually diminished and eventually ended in distressing disillusionment.

After a while there seemed to be less and less pure heartfelt energy coming to me from her music and her presence. Ultimately it seemed that the music degenerated from being powerfully authentic to almost banal.

And as Ammachi attracted more and more followers, I perceived a growing cult of personality and materialistic atmosphere around her which greatly agitated and offended my pronounced egalitarian inclinations and aversions to spiritual organizations emphasizing “adulation of the incarnate” over “adoration of the Infinite”.

Also, though initially I always had felt energized by Ammachi’s darshan environment, after a while subtle energies there were more and more flowing from me, rather than to me. So, unlike my experience with Guruji, I was sometimes enervated rather than elevated after Ammachi darshans. This was especially noteworthy when I visited Ammachi’s Kerala ashram in 1992.

Moreover, I ultimately learned of private behaviors associated with or sanctioned by Ammachi which contradicted and belied her outer image and public pronouncements, and which so greatly disturbed me that I began regarding her as a flawed or false guru and not as a purported divine incarnation or avatar. (see Epilogue)

But like my traumatic marriage dissolution, the traumatic dissolution of my faith in Ammachi has proven to be a great disguised blessing which sparked an important new transformative life phase of reliance on inner rather than outer authority. (see e.g. my essay “I’ve Found A Faith-Based Life”)

Epilogue.

Because I spent seven important years at Ammachi darshans I feel obliged to write about those years in fulfillment of my obligation to Shri Dhyanyogi, my beloved guru, who requested that I write and publish my spiritual memoirs.

Until now I have been reluctant to publicly share my distressing disaffection with Ammachi and her organization. I did not wish to discourage other devotees with different perspectives, some of whom are friends. But I now feel morally impelled to tell my truth, with the intention of helping others who might learn from my experience.

Moreover, I feel morally impelled to share elsewhere my observations which support credibility of a recently published critical book about Ammachi.

Gail Tredwell (aka “Gayatri” or “Swamini Amritaprana”), who for twenty years was Ammachi’s revered first and closest Western female devotee, has just published a memoir entitled “Holy Hell, A Memoir of Faith, Devotion and Pure Madness” containing many shocking but credible revelations.

Some of Gail’s revelations are consistent with my observations and corroborate an incident which was my “last straw” with Ammachi, to be explained in another memoirs chapter. Moreover, some of her credible revelations are so shocking that I feel they should be seriously considered by those who may be contemplating relationships with Ammachi and her organization, or with other hierarchical religious or spiritual organizations.

As a long-time former litigation attorney deeply dedicated to social justice and with skills in evaluating credibility of witnesses, I read Gail’s book, initiated extended phone conversations with her, and discussed her allegations with other yet anonymous witnesses. I have found Gail to be a sincere, honest and accurate percipient witness.

Nonetheless, the MA Centers organization has attacked Gail’s character by asserting that she is “a troubled individual” whose writings are “completely untrue and without a basis in fact or reality”. Since I am quite convinced that Gail’s memoirs are absolutely true, I find deeply offensive an ad hominem attack on her by those to whom she selflessly dedicated much of her adult life, and I feel dharmically impelled to support Gail’s credibility.

Quote

Stainless mother of communication


Googling her name invariably displays a long list of websites praising her love and compassion in action. It surely means that Amma spends all her time showering her grace over humanity, thus the whole world loves her. In fact the reality is not so magical. She has faced opposition since the very begining, but the critics are erased as they rise.

If you want to inflict on yourself a serious headeache, then create an account on wikipedia, log in and search for "amritanandamayi". Click on the definition to display the corresponding page and choose the "View history" tab. This unfolds all the modifications which have been made on her biography since its creation. It's amazing. The number of alterations is huge. Each time someone tries to add a critical item, it is deleted by a faithful devotee.

For instance, this picture shows the deletion of 2 paragraphs speaking about the AIMS hospital. The first one was giving details about the nurses strike. The second one was dealing with illegal drug trials. Thanks to faithful devotees, her history remains clean.

Communicating over the web is very convenient. The electronic content can be erased and written, over and over again, without leaving much trace. And when someone is not welcomed at Amma's lotus feet anymore, he can even be erased from the photos. It's easy to then claim that he has never been part of the organisation and that he has never been seen in the ashram.

The AmritaSatyaMayi Team is not the first one who tries to expose the dark side of Amma's organisation. In 2007 another group created Cult of the hugging saint. Of course Amma's devotees immediately responded by creating “Cult Of The Hugging Saint” Exposed, thus triggering a violent smear campaign against all the ungrateful ex-devotees and critical fellows. The famous cyber-stalker Joe Moreno even partook of the chase. The rogue website has been shut down.

Since the publication of Gail Tredwell's book, the related amazon page has turned into a cyber-war zone as well. Among the 25 users who have rated the book with less than 3 stars, 19 of them haven't purchased the book on amazon. Have they really read it?

5 of these users have an empty profile, which means that they have never bought anything on amazon, they have never made any review, not even about Gail's book. The picture on the right shows an instance of empty profile. There is absolutely nothing in it, no activity is reported.





No shopping? No review? Then why do they spend so much time on amazon? What do they do? They post negative comments inside the customers reviews! Their negative comments almost always mention 3 blogs, spreading controversial stories about Gail. In some of their comments, they have just pasted the links, not even deigning to write a little sentence, to explain their point of view.



According to our counting, they have thus inserted 57 references to these blogs inside 65 reviews.
These 5 users have never ever posted a single review but they have commented 87% of the existing ones.






Although it looks like brainwashing, it's just a technical trick. When users perform a search on the internet, the search engines return a list of websites and the most visited ones are displayed first. As the links to the 3 blogs have been pasted in numerous places, a lot of people click on them daily, even if it's just out of curiosity. Thanks to this high number of click, the search engines consider the 3 blogs as highly visited websites. As a result, typing words like "amma scandal" in a search engine will display the 3 blogs on top of the results list. The technical name of such practise is "natural referencing". In fact Amma' PR team uses the curiosity of the internet users to score their blogs higher in search engines.

Clean, erase, delete, suppress, remove, chase, stalk... It's such a paradox to see that the devotees of the mother of compassion are keen on destruction.

Unfortunately paper is not as malleable as bytes and pixels are. A paper book lasts in time. It's not easy to make us forget what has been printed when the wind changes. Amma is clean on the web but she has a printed biography. Amma's PR has changed her biography several times, but its main plot cannot be completely remixed. In spite of the unverifiable allegations in the pink frame, this article puts the stress under the numerous nonsenses in Amma's biography. In case of public scandal, some of this book's statements won't testify on behalf of her honesty.

Amma is a stainless saint. Her image is perfect because a team of devotees called "Ammabot" daily scrutinizes the web and cleans it whenever something is likely to tarnish their leader's reputation. They take good care of her publications and communication. Only the bright side of the organisation is allowed to shine in public. They seem to work so hard. Is the opposite side so muddy?

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Good Book!, December 28, 2013
By Rockalicious "Rockalicious" (California) - This review is from: Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness (Kindle Edition)
I liked it so much that when I reached the end, I felt a little sad that the story ended. I hope she writes additional books about her experiences.. perhaps the aftermath of having left Amma's abusive grip.

PS: this book (thankfully) convinced my dearest mother-in-law to no longer visit Amma in San Ramon. I am thankful!

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Pageturner story of escape, December 28, 2013
By Dorothy Seeger - See all my reviewsAmazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness (Paperback)

Gail Tredwell's story has the ring of truth on every page. Why would anyone court a lifetime of recriminations and legal proceedings by making things up? No doubt Ammachi will go on as before, supported by her loving, but deluded devotees, but anyone seeking to investigate before jumping into the fire will benefit immensely from reading this book. This goes not only for potential Ammachi devotees but also for anyone about to commit to an individual without going deeply into his/her background. As has been said, "Everyone has a front and a back. The bigger the front, the bigger the back." Find out the back and don't close your eyes.

Aside from all this, Ms.Tredwell's writing is so absorbing, the descriptions so colorful, that I couldn't put it down. It is a fascinating story, extremely well told. Dorothy Seeger

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Riveting and deeply thought provoking, December 25, 2013
By BWG100 - See all my reviewsAmazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness (Kindle Edition)
A truly enjoyable and rewarding read. Treadwell's journey from innocent seeker, to devout follower and beyond is told with disarming honesty and authenticity. The writing and editing lacks polish particularly at the beginning but as the story unfolds, the reader is richly rewarded with a rare nuanced and detailed glimpse deep inside the inner workings of a large and powerful spiritual movement. Part of me just wanted to believe that someone like Amma was real, but like most Guru's, we discover that she is only human. The astounding revelation is not just that she is human but that someone who has amassed fame and fortune and built a global brand on the promise of fostering love and compassion for all is actually abusive, violent, and vindictive to those under her direct care. I found Treadwell's account riveting and very credible. Although it is clear that Amma and her organization does good work, it is also clear that Amma herself, like many charismatic leaders before her is essentially a fraud. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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Comment Comment



19 of 26 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Nobody suspected a "Saint" to be human, but her "Shadow" knew and now the Inconvenient Truth is finally exposed, December 17, 2013
By Angela Joy - See all my reviewsAmazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness (Kindle Edition)
What a surprise this book is! And delightful, because if you had never been to India, it will dazzle you with smells, pictures and
traditions so vivid that you will feel like you have taken a trip there... If you were there, this book will refresh your memories...
I loved it because Gail Tredwell (Gayatri) had given an earnest, sensitive and detailed account of hidden world of a world renowned "Saint" as only she could, as she served day and night by her side. She was "Amma's Shadow", a fly on the wall and knew everything that went on behind the scenes...
I cried for days after reading this book, so sad at the reality as Gail exposed and experienced it. Nothing is what it seems to be at the first glance.
Highly recommend it, it is earthshaking!

Quote

In reply to an earlier post on Dec 19, 2013 10:54:47 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Dec 19, 2013 11:14:28 AM PST
Neesa says:

I find it disturbing how people that are social workers have never seen abuse in the context of a family or abusive relationship (or even some survivors of sex trafficking). Gail had a close and loving relationship with Balu before the assaults started (like brother and sister). Then as the assaults were happening she learned to live with it for decades. That is not the same thing as a one time assault by someone that was not already a loved one. Please, at least try and educate yourselves about abuse. How will you handle abuse if someone else reports it or goes to the organization for help from an abusive relationship, family, or community? Or to any of you devotees, what if someone goes to you for help or you become aware that they are being abused in a relationship? And not all victims of abuse respond the same way. Have you all decided that, as a community, you will not be a safe place for victims/survivors of abuse? You are not fooling experienced and educated people (that actually read the book) with your reviews by quacks such as the one you linked and this: [letterstothemother.wordpress.com]
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 20, 2013 1:06:50 AM PST
John Samuel says:
The answer to your question is in the same post you mentioned.

Neesa, you are free to voice what you find disturbing. But something else that might be disturbing is that you are choosing to be willfully blind to evidence against Gail, which incidentally happens to be quite a lot and, you CHOSE not be read the below sentence in the same post, which is impossible to miss:

"Most of them were so desperate for money, they did not find the time to check the evidence were in place or if their statements would be matched with those from others and on public records. The author here assumes no one would bother to questions her claims after 2 decades. It doesn't take one to be a rocket scientist to realise Gail is crafty.From the fact that she hides way too much and many of the stories look like half truths, it does not seem her motives are as good as she claims."

However hard you argue something happened 14 years back, it just cannot happen because you shout and discredit everyone who think otherwise.
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 20, 2013 9:37:15 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Dec 21, 2013 4:42:20 PM PST
Neesa says:
Whether Gail is telling the truth or not, the letters are saying things about sexual abuse that are not true, and they are saying things about Gail's book (if you actually read it) that are not what she said. It's also clear to me that some of the letters are dishonest in their presentation (not all of them). Why would I read a letter that I can see is dishonest and decide it just must be true. That's not what evidence is. If you think Gail is not telling the truth then use truth to dispute it. Just because you think she is not telling the truth does not mean you can use untruths to dispute it. And if you are talking to me about shouting, I have not shouted in the least.
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 20, 2013 3:48:53 PM PST
Angela Joy says:
Rita- thanks for your question. The best thing to do, as I see it, would be to read Guru Papers by Joel Kramer and everything will become crystal clear.
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 22, 2013 10:46:58 AM PST
Michael Jamieson says:
If anyone DOES have a thirst for wordpress blogs covering this book and the events (up to a few days ago anyway) following its release, then read this:

[newsunwesternskies.com]

Since Gail Tredwell does NOT in fact have a "PR Team", as so often alleged here, it might be helpful to provide that link (and others) to news organizations and reporters. Amma has a lot of power, and seemingly is positively linked with western iconic figures (like Presidents, Oprah, and others), so any help in this regards is appreciated, I'm sure, by present, and future, spritual practitioners of all stripes, including bhakti oriented ones. We don't want to find anybody's bones in some dreary tar pit, right?
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In reply to an earlier post on Dec 22, 2013 1:52:17 PM PST
Angela Joy says:
Thank you for providing this information and the link, Michael! It reveals a lot.
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Quote

14 of 20 people found the following review helpful
The bare truth is terrifying, December 14, 2013
By MathewAmazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness (Kindle Edition)
It is absolutely honest and the authour is wiling to sacrifice her reputation to ensure that others do not go through the same hell Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse | Permalink

Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness B00GB83S3G Gail Tredwell Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness Kindle Store The bare truth is terrifying It is absolutely honest and the authour is wiling to sacrifice her reputation to ensure that others do not go through the same hell Mathew December 14, 2013
Overall: 5



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Sort: Oldest first | Newest first Showing 1-1 of 1 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Dec 14, 2013 8:14:52 AM PST
Jaya says:


How did this sacrifice her reputation?
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