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sadkimmy
As for spiritual help, I am kind of stuck there. Maybe I was wrong, but when I came to Christ, I thought the "body" was supposed to edify, encourage, and help each other grow spiritually. It really makes me question the Christian faith because I don't understand the lack of concern from the "brothers" and "sisters".
I used to think the same way and I believe it is reasonable to have these expectations. Nonetheless, I have found that the 'body' can sometimes be one painful and lonely place to look for or find encouragement. What I have come to realize, through my often fruitless search for support, is that the 'body' doesn't always come through, but every now and then one person within that body will. This does not always happen but when it does, it is something unusual, this is not how it should be, but it is.
The greater lesson for me has been to not place my faith in people, people will disappoint sooner or later. When I stopped placing faith in people and started placing my faith in God, I stopped blaming God for the shortcomings of the people I used to believe in.
I learned that placing the outcome or survival of my faith onto other people creates too many problems, one of which is leaving yourself open to people who use Christianity to gain control over others and you know the damage people like that can do.
Non-Christians often judge Christians to be hypocritical and brainwashed, and to a great extent they are absolutely correct. On the 'hypocritical' issue, I believe there is always room for more hypocrites because no one will ever reach perfection in this life in anything they have chosen to believe in, and to the 'brainwashed' issue I simply ask myself one question; is my faith in God something that is a genuine belief and desire within me or is it a fundamentally fear based thing that I learned to believe in through coercion, because I was told if I didn't I will die and go to hell forever? Used to be, I had no faith, just 100% brainwashed fear, and this all happened because I placed too much faith in people. I still believe in people but not the way I believe in God. Today, I have a faith that sums up to: I can't imagine what my life would or could be like without God. I don't fear, I just believe and I am almost certain that I would still fear if my faith rested on the whims and quirky nature of the 'body'. Maybe I'm like my own private little cult for thinking the way I do, but I know this, I would not pretend to be like the God I believe in to manipulate, exploit or control another human being. Nor would I use God to hurt, abuse, or threaten anyone into submission. When people start doing that, they either want to convince themselves that what they say they believe in is the truth, or they simply see an opportunity to get rich and be powerful without ever doing an honest days work.
I can't ignore certain experiences in my life, so I believe. I am not an uneducated person, I respect the sciences and I have studied some logic but my own experience has also taught me.
I hope you find a place in your faith walk that gives you the reassurance you are searching for sadkimmy.