Hi, I'm new here. I don't even know if what I was a part of would be considered a cult or not. I certainly see some common points, but others don't fit at all. I really felt I had to leave the group or spiritually die...
I was a Christian, but am not so sure if I am still one now. I do believe the Bible, but not in my ability to interpret it correctly, and I have a very hard time even trusting God now. I feel I don't really know God at all, I was/am so twisted around.
I'd been in the group for about 14 yrs. or so, I've been out of it maybe a year & 1/2 (I'm horrible with time frames) and I still feel so messed up. My husband was a part of it, too, but I started to draw back before he did, so I had problems with him as well. Am I in the right forum to talk about this and seek help?
Thanks...

anyone?

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sadkimmy
Hi, I'm new here. I don't even know if what I was a part of would be considered a cult or not. I certainly see some common points, but others don't fit at all. I really felt I had to leave the group or spiritually die...
I was a Christian, but am not so sure if I am still one now. I do believe the Bible, but not in my ability to interpret it correctly, and I have a very hard time even trusting God now. I feel I don't really know God at all, I was/am so twisted around.
I'd been in the group for about 14 yrs. or so, I've been out of it maybe a year & 1/2 (I'm horrible with time frames) and I still feel so messed up. My husband was a part of it, too, but I started to draw back before he did, so I had problems with him as well. Am I in the right forum to talk about this and seek help?
Thanks...

sadkimmy,
what group were you involved in? What happened to cause you to leave it?

Hi Sadkimmy,
leaving a religious group can be very confusing and hard. There are therapists out there who specialize in this kind of stuff who can be helpful: some of them even do telephone consults if you don't live near them.And reading a lot about cults can help too.Good luck with it all,Yasmin

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ON2 LF
sadkimmy,
what group were you involved in? What happened to cause you to leave it?

It wasn't a specific church, it was just a Bible study group, so it has no name. I had a baby, and had an extremely hard time adjusting. I had a hard time being a mom, and nobody understood it. Psychiatric meds were seen as unnecessary, Christian counsellors were not an option because people "shouldn't get paid" for pointing someone to what the Bible said, there were "theological problems" with every book/ministry/teacher out there. "The body" should help each other out, but they didn't help me. I was basically given quick, simplistic answers, and expected to be "all better". And when I wasn't, what was my problem? Why couldn't I get over it? I had fatigue, why? Why was I only at 2 "church functions" when my husband would be at 4? I was "not submissive", my husband "was not being the leader"... Why was I having such a problem adjusting to 1 child? "Mr. & Mrs. M." had 6, and SHE wasn't struggling like me... If I reached out to someone, it was seen as a selfish endeavor, because "I" wanted someone to reach out to me... In short, there was a problem with everything, everything, everything... It got so oppressive I begged my husband for us to leave, but he didn't want to. He was afraid what "they" would think, and he had to come to a decision without my pressuring him. So I submitted and stayed for a few months until he saw it for himself. Then he chose for us to leave, so we did. So that's the long story, short. I think you can see for yourself WHY I feel there were some cult-like tendencies there. Other things don't fit, though. Money was absolutely never a part of it. I do think the study leader was trying to do his best for God, but was so letter-of-the-law and legalistic, though he says works don't save someone. He would encourage us to check out what he said against the Bible. And he did have a lot of good points, but I think he took them too far, and that his teaching was unbalanced. I really don't understand God's mercy and grace and love, just MY responsibility and MY effort, though it doesn't "earn me" anything. Confusing double talk, huh? Boy, my head is messed up...

And,
P.S. Thanks for the advice, Yasmin. :-)

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sadkimmy
It got so oppressive I begged my husband for us to leave, but he didn't want to. He was afraid what "they" would think, and he had to come to a decision without my pressuring him. So I submitted and stayed for a few months until he saw it for himself. Then he chose for us to leave, so we did. So that's the long story, short. I think you can see for yourself WHY I feel there were some cult-like tendencies there. Other things don't fit, though. Money was absolutely never a part of it.

well sadkimmy, I am in no position to give you advice, I am not qualified to do so. I can redirect you to the threads that pertain to destructive churches and I can only tell you what my experience has been with religious abusers.

I'll try to make a nearly lifelong experience very short: I grew up in an extremely abusive environment. I was totally and thoroughly religiously abused from two extremely religious viewpoints. One was an extreme Catholic religous mindset, the other was an extreme traditional Native religious mindset. It didn't matter what I said, did or thought I was either going to hell one day or having some lifelong or multi-generational curses put on me the next day by the community medicine man (in some cultures 'witch'), if I did anything to piss him off. I won't even go into detail how twisted and sick was the environment, I'm just telling the basics. The medicine man too by the way was an abuser of a different kind, which I won't even get into.

Anyway, I grew up believing in a God that was this BIG angry guy in the sky who was going to get me no matter what I did and if He didn't get me, then the devil would. I was screwed no matter what I did or what I believed in. So, all I could do was just live each day and hope I'd do at least one thing that would make God forgive me and make the devil angry enough to leave me alone.

After I got out of the hell hole I grew up in , I began to live the most rebellious and destructive life you could possibly imagine. I was going to prove they hadn't seen anything yet when they told me what a bad/evil/bastard child I was where I grew up. I sure showed them, I nearly died a couple of times and I became a hard core alcoholic in the process.

One day when I was certain the next drunk I went on would be the last, I finally prayed to the same God I was so pissed off at and I believed was mad at me. I begged Him to forgive how I had taken my rage out on Him for so long and if He could forgive me, would He also help me to stop my addiction because I just couldn't do it alone. Tried AA, Christian friends, and one month recovery program. Nothing helped, and in the mean time my mom who was in her late 40's died of alcoholism too. She too had experienced exactly the same type of abuses I had, only hers were in a residential school.

Anyway, I got the miracle I asked for. When to not drink seemed impossible, for some unexplainable reason one day, I woke up and knew I wasn't going to drink that day. And I made it long enough to get into a recovery center far from home and stayed there for several months. I had a job I was willing to leave if I couldn't go, I was beyond desperate.

I don't mean to lay a sob story on you sadkimmy, I am trying to make a point here. The God that you might be thinking is legalistic, angry, and condemning is not that way at all. It is the religious and legalistic abusers of the word of God that pummel those beliefs into us, and it is really those people's misconceptions about God that we work so hard to recover from, not from the true God Himself.

My belief is; God is Love and if someone tells you about any other kind of God, read the bible yourself and read through the Psalms, and don't forget to read the 'Love' chapter, 1Corinthians 13 verse 4-7.

I hope I am not out of line in what I am writing to you on this board or on this thread, but something tells me you just can't afford to lose sight of God. I understand that position and I am thankful to the few people who told me their stories way back when I was standing in the same place.
I am, I know, a poor example of a Christian with my foul language, my often bad attitude, my attacks on others and bullheaded persistence in things that are really trivial, so don't judge God by my example, just learn of Him on your own. That's it, and I hope you won't let the bible study guy destroy your faith too much.

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ON2 LF
...
it is really those people's misconceptions about God that we work so hard to recover from, not from the true God Himself.
...

I believe that's true. I'm just going to try to slog on as best as I can... I'll try to update on my progress (or lack of it)...
Thank you so much for your story, and taking the time to share it. It really helps to be understood. I'm glad you got out of that environment, that sounds really scary and horrible. Have you been getting through it OK?

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sadkimmy
I believe that's true. I'm just going to try to slog on as best as I can... I'll try to update on my progress (or lack of it)...
Thank you so much for your story, and taking the time to share it. It really helps to be understood. I'm glad you got out of that environment, that sounds really scary and horrible. Have you been getting through it OK?

slogging on sounds like a great idea! Yes, I've been getting over my formative years. After many goose chases down some pretty twisted paths I finally realized that forgiveness of them and me was the only key to my finding peace.
I hope you will find not just peace but joy as well on your quest for understanding.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2007 07:54AM by ON2 LF.

Well, I haven't been going forward at all, just backward. I just feel I am getting worse and worse...

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sadkimmy
Well, I haven't been going forward at all, just backward. I just feel I am getting worse and worse...

sadkimmy,
you describe difficulty and fatigue after having a baby in your first post, and you describe that it was deemed 'unnecessary' to seek out help for these problems. Have you sought out professional help for these issues in spite of the opinions of those around you? I hope you will, if you haven't.

There is no need for you to try coping with the problems you're facing alone. Disregard the unrealistic and misinformed opinions that you should just be able to snap out of this fatigue and depression on your own. I don't know if you still have well intentioned 'christians' advising you not to get help, but if you are..they obviously don't know anything beyond what they've been taught themselves..just make an appointment to see your doctor or a therapist and go for the help you need. There is no need to suffer through your problems alone, there are many professionals out there who can help you. As for the well meaning but poorly advised people around you, they are not experiencing what you are, they have no right to compare you with anyone else, and they certainly don't seem very empathetic about issues they don't have to endure. Seeking out professional help is not 'wrong' it is merely the sensible thing to do.
Your situation is not hopeless sadkimmy, you don't have to deal with this stuff alone.