Hi all,
I am feeling very uncomfortable about the messages from moderators regarding Lou (my sister) and the medication she is on.

I needed help, no-one knows what I am talking about......except you guys.....

I tossed out a life-line to your message board........my whole family is sinking, quickly..........watching Lou suffer this badly is more than we can bear - not to mention how she is feeling.

The advice from the people who responded helped....I now have some information/options we can explore.

Obviously, we are not going to go and take her off her meds, or anything drastic.......................and of course we will keep her under medical supervision.

Yes, I understand this is not a forum for medical advice, but we are desperate for ANY peice of information that MAY help Lou.

We are living in a world of "disclaimers" everything has to be prefaced with a "warning" ........I get that.......but please lets not discourage someone who could be of help to offer it for fear of being "rapped over the knuckles"

In fact.....the "experts" were wrong when they diagnosed Lou, I can see that now, there is clear medical evidence to support it..............but I would not have found it without the help of this message board.

I apologise if anyone feels repremanded for helping me.............I hope you know that you have helped put our lives back on track, for knowledge is power and today...........I feel powerful......for the first time in a hell of a long time!!!

To the moderators of this site...........I know you have the burden to show responsibility for what is posted, but I leave you with a thought..............

My sister and everyone left devestated by cults were conned by someone who forced them to abide by their laws, with no room for outside influence in fact they were programmed to believe that to listen to the "real world", to anyone else would be to their detrement............Most of us live in the real world, with the freedom to express our "opinions" with the freedom to listen to others and to judge what is "right" for ourselves. In a democratic society, I think censorship should not be encouraged.

Keep up the good work everyone, as far as I can see, this is the only website of any use to people in our position.

Kindest regards,
Jocie

The resource list is composed of mental health professionals with specific experience in the area of cults and cult recovery.

Some of those professionals were once themselves in cults and have direct personal experience.

Going to such sources for an opinion could be quite helpful.

jocie6:

Coming out of the cult is more painful than remaining w/the group.

The person's entire life paradigm is turned upside down - there are no skills for functioning w/o the group.

I've seen many former loved ones become psychotic or schizophrenic from cult-life. sigh.

Yes, I agree, most in the medical profession don't know diddley about this. Unfortunately. What may look like a psychosis, act like a psychosis..may (hopefully) only be a temporary post cult crises.

Concerned Oz is a good resource for your country.

IMHO, w/ family support and exit counseling, she may have hope of recovering.

Cult experts say it takes between 6mos - 18 mos to recover fully, depending upon the depth and length of involvment. Your sister is fortunate to have you!

Best of luck to you and your sister!
Please keep us posted.

Hi Toni,
Thank you SO much for your support, it means the world to us.....

It's funny, just knowing you are all out there really does help.

Knowing that someone took the time to read what I had to say and then responded with suggestions and reassurance, takes the pressure off, keeps us sane, and reminds us that not everyone out there is "out to get us" I think unfortunately Lou does not trust many people at the moment (not surprisingly)

Amazingly Toni, Lou said just that today: "Jocie, i hate to say this, but it was easier in the cult than being out here!"....

The way you all explain things in these posts makes it easier for me to understand all about what is going on with Lou, and I have been "passing it on"!! she is amazed that you are all out there offering your support.......
with "no strings attached" I'm sure it will take her a while to accept things from others with out having to give her life/money/soul in return.

Kindest regards and again thanks,
Jocie

the disclaimor that one seek a professional for medical advice is sound.

For me, I resisted for several years trying medications. The quality of my recovery substantially improved. I am lot more stable and able to make decisions. I roll with stress and not get lost in obssession for hours. I helped get a firm foundation. It can be helpful. One ex-cult member's thought.

Thoughts are certainly with the former for a quality recovery.

Hi Toni,

Thanks for your "PM" - extremely valuable information for us.

If I could ask a question?.......

What did people say that helped you during those 1st few months? i.e.: do we just keep reassuring her that everything is going to be OK? do we ask her about her feelings? anything thats best to avoid?.......

AND

we are going over to USA next week - for a few weeks of Disneyland, shopping in Beverly Hills, Las Vegas etc..........everyone keeps asking me if I think that will be great or harmful for Lou to be away from home..............to be honest, I don't know, surely it would help to "get away" from all the reminders, pressures of "normal life" etc
She is looking forward to it, but I have started worrying now!! - could it be like a sensory overload thing?

Just so you all know, although I suspect you already all did............Concerned Oz is amazing, he should be knighted.......and just so everyone can relax - absolutely NO medical or psychological (spell check?!!) advice was given - he listened and sympathised and we ALL REALLY NEEDED THAT!!!! - Lou feels infinately better today than she did yesterday - just by talking about it to someone who "knows"

Thanks,
Jocie

Quote
jocie6
Hi Toni,
What did people say that helped you during those 1st few months? i.e.: do we just keep reassuring her that everything is going to be OK? do we ask her about her feelings? anything thats best to avoid?.......
we are going over to USA next week - for a few weeks of Disneyland, shopping in Beverly Hills, Las Vegas etc..........everyone keeps asking me if I think that will be great or harmful for Lou to be away from home..............to be honest, I don't know, surely it would help to "get away" from all the reminders, pressures of "normal life"

Well, I don't have answers for you - only my own experience.
The books about recovery would be helpful for Lou.

As i'd left the cult and my cult family together, no one helped me. I just jumped into real life, felt like I was on a foreign planet even though I look like everyone else, found a job, registered for college, while juggling my children and dealing w/ a husband who was having a postcult breakdown. He was nearly catatonic for about a year. We had no exit counseling back then - we didn't know about it. My exit counseling and real understanding came years later.

The experts about this recommend to go about normal life, taking small steps, investigating old interests from pre-cult days. The books also write about the awkwardness for the former member feeling like she's in a fishbowl, with family members hypervigilant 'checking in on her' and this only heightens the anxiety. The writings say about the importance of validating normal interests, hobbies, shopping w/ friends, whatever outtings, sharing interests w/ others, excercising, pursuing other interests. They also write about the importance of continuing to deal with financial and other responsibilities. They've written that they've seen a tendency to neglect responsiblity issues post-cult.

It's wonderful that you are investigating info for her. I think it'd be good for her to be seeking her own recovery, to move out of dependency mentality. Just my opinion. I've watched a lot of people leave one group, then turn to another group or individual for their direction. That is counter productive.

It took concerted effort for me to learn to connect with others, to lose the cult lingo. My familiy kept trying to pull me/ us back into the cult. I joined volunteer community youth organizations and made wonderful friends that way - connected w/ other parents concerned about building community for our children, based upon common interests.

As to a vacation, I have no idea what kind of a state she's in. What does her doctor say? Sounds like she's looking fwd to the trip.
I would have loved a vacation! My (ex)husband spent a year playing video games. That was a long time ago.

It takes time, education, and slowly building her own life back.
Offer this link to Lou. Lots of useful info.

[www.culteducation.com]

Hi Toni,

Wow, quite amazing.........OK, yes, It crossed my mind that Lou should be doing some leg work herself..........she is coming over today to have a look at this site and your wonderful words, unfortunately, she does not have a computer yet and even pre-cult days she was not "computer literate"!!!

and yes, I had the feeling the "eagle eye" from the family might not be the best idea - so thanks for sharing your experience.

Goodness, you had kids? and a husband?........that must have been SO hard Toni......I am so happy for you that you seemed to be "out the other end"

I know none of this is funny, but when I am with Lou we do have little giggles from time to time.....like when I call her "Lou" and feel wierd because I keep thinking I am supposed to call her by her cult name!!
or when we chat about some of the things she used to say!!.......she is starting slowly but surely to see some humour in it!!

Lou may post something today, I hope thats ok with everyone?

Kindest regards,
Jocie

Sounds like you are getting good help and just want to briefly add my experience. I was on a regimen of anti-depressants/anti-anxiety and didn't feel they helped but stayed on. Maybe I could have been worse.... One doc kept increasing and increasing. Anyway, by mere luck, I finally went to a psychiatrist who started to decrease my meds and finally weaned me off. What a saint she was. It's pretty common to hear doctor's say that if one recipe doesn't work to adjust. There is such variation but I am no doctor....

Of course I think I had been dealing with all the other stuff too. I was very gentle with myself when I left. Because the main M.O. of the cult is controlling someone's life, I felt that I needed to be as unjudgemental of myself as possible. If I felt like sleeping all day, I would do that. If I knew I needed to get out and be active. I tried. I did need to work and the humdrum of that maybe helped me regain my sanity. Cult members, even when we leave, are very suggestible still so I would be careful to help her make her own decisions.

So, without knowing her particular needs, esp in relation to medicine, I would say that compassion and understanding were paramount.

I think the closest thing to leaving a cult would be like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I also want you to know there is hope. I have a life that I like now but recovery took time and vestiges linger. I wish you and your sister all the best.

Please Jocie, how is Lou. Were you able to find an enlightened doctor in country for her? Blessings!