Quote
jocie6
Hi Toni,
What did people say that helped you during those 1st few months? i.e.: do we just keep reassuring her that everything is going to be OK? do we ask her about her feelings? anything thats best to avoid?.......
we are going over to USA next week - for a few weeks of Disneyland, shopping in Beverly Hills, Las Vegas etc..........everyone keeps asking me if I think that will be great or harmful for Lou to be away from home..............to be honest, I don't know, surely it would help to "get away" from all the reminders, pressures of "normal life"
Well, I don't have answers for you - only my own experience.
The books about recovery would be helpful for Lou.
As i'd left the cult and my cult family together, no one helped me. I just jumped into real life, felt like I was on a foreign planet even though I look like everyone else, found a job, registered for college, while juggling my children and dealing w/ a husband who was having a postcult breakdown. He was nearly catatonic for about a year. We had no exit counseling back then - we didn't know about it. My exit counseling and real understanding came years later.
The experts about this recommend to go about normal life, taking small steps, investigating old interests from pre-cult days. The books also write about the awkwardness for the former member feeling like she's in a fishbowl, with family members hypervigilant 'checking in on her' and this only heightens the anxiety. The writings say about the importance of validating normal interests, hobbies, shopping w/ friends, whatever outtings, sharing interests w/ others, excercising, pursuing other interests. They also write about the importance of continuing to deal with financial and other responsibilities. They've written that they've seen a tendency to neglect responsiblity issues post-cult.
It's wonderful that you are investigating info for her. I think it'd be good for her to be seeking her own recovery, to move out of dependency mentality. Just my opinion. I've watched a lot of people leave one group, then turn to another group or individual for their direction. That is counter productive.
It took concerted effort for me to learn to connect with others, to lose the cult lingo. My familiy kept trying to pull me/ us back into the cult. I joined volunteer community youth organizations and made wonderful friends that way - connected w/ other parents concerned about building community for our children, based upon common interests.
As to a vacation, I have no idea what kind of a state she's in. What does her doctor say? Sounds like she's looking fwd to the trip.
I would have loved a vacation! My (ex)husband spent a year playing video games. That was a long time ago.
It takes time, education, and slowly building her own life back.
Offer this link to Lou. Lots of useful info.
[
www.culteducation.com]