Hello everyone, it's been a long while since I have posted. I have been out of the loop because I came back to the SGI out of fear of being an outcast, despite the fact that there were many unhealthy tactics used to keep me when I first decided to leave. Since then, I have been to a couple of meetings but not many and my heart (thank God!!) was never there anymore. In other words I was going through the motions. During my five-month hiatus from this forum, nothing eventual happened when I attended the activities except, the usual dogma of Ikeda which is always creepy, yet everyday in the front (notice how I said front and not back) I would always tell myself that, "YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF BY STAYING AND YOU KNOW IT!! Anyways after months of this nagging revelation refusing to go away, I am finally getting honest with myself and others by letting them know that I am not coming back. When I left the first time the only people who I told were my Shakabuku and a few others. Now that others are starting to call and ask me to participate in "activities" I have been upfront and honest. It is very difficult but liberating. When a member wants to use something against me from the past that I have shared as a part of my "experiences" for my decision for deciding to leave I now (and depending on the person because everyone is different, but for the most part people who I have told), kill them with kindness and say "well it's unfortunate that you feel this way about me, but I have to do what makes me feel right. Right now although at times I experience joy for no apparent reason in my life, I cannot really use the word happy it just does not feel right to me right now. Another thing is is that I have felt sad and at times lonely, so for the past two weeks, the things that you guys have posted have once again become a safe-haven and have instilled in me that things will get better and are liberating when you don't let someone or any group define who you are as a person. I have also been really taking the time to breathe and do my research, some more on the SGI from different websites and have found that I am now experiencing bouts of anger because I have been sold a dream. Yes I knew that when I first decided to stop practicing but when I read about someone else's experience across the world being subjected to some of the things that I was in the organization I get incensed all over again. Today I took down my Gohonzan and threw away all of the World Tribune publications. As I said, when I first decided to leave I did none of those things, especially the Gohonzan. I even felt guilty(but I know it is part of the process) for wanting to hand a mirror or a nice picture above the dresser where my altar used to sit. It did not last long. Will I chant again? I don't know, I have done is sporadically since I left 5 months ago. Right now I think it's best if I just take it one day at a time and continue to be the person that so many other people (outside of the organization) know me, which is a kind, loving, and caring individual.

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evergreen

Daily life has been interesting lately. You see, I've always been told to chant about my problems. Since I've stopped practicing I don't chant (some others on this forum still do on their own or through another Nichiren school). I don't think I've ever had to deal with my problems head on, alone. It was always in the back of my mind that problems were there because I didn't chant enough, or that I was lessening my karmic retribution, or that I was being protected from something worse happening (benefit). Its hard to do, but fortunately I'm equipped now to be an adult. Sometimes there is no reason/logic for hardships.

Many people who are members of SGI don't try very hard in their everyday life, it seems to me. They just chant about problems that they have instead of really working and thinking things out. Good or bad things happen to them randomly, not necessarily due to work or planning, and then the good things are attributed to chanting, and the bad things are attributed to karma. We were told not to think things out. Use the "Strategy of the Lotus Sutra" to address problems (whatever that means??) is something that I heard many times.

For me, daily life has also been interesting lately. Without the cloud of SGI hanging over my head, I am enjoying life!

Ithomas, good to hear from you again! I was wondering where you were!

Pathetiquest, thank you for your post. I enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for welcoming back quiet one! In Evergreen's case, I was always told to chant about my problems, and also told to not be angry or cry if something was wrong because I was "playing the victim"!! As we all know those two emotions are human and are perfectly ok so long as you do not harm anyone physically and mentally, and as far as being a victim I have heard many self help author's and some Television talk show host use this slogan many times, but when you are in it you are hooked and you don't protest how people are talking to you because, no one will listen to you and they (the leaders) have to have the last word for your rebuttal. I have a friend who still practices and four days before I made the decision (the 2nd time) to be honest with people and tell them that I am leaving, I told her all of the reasons as to why I was leaving, (she to had suffered from some of the things that I went through, even leaving the organization for 5 years).
She kept encouraging me to "look inside myself" and to find out why it is that the practice was not working for me. I told her how creepy the whole President Ikeda thing was, and she only replied by saying the same thing that my "Shakabutsu had said to me, "So what just practice, the organization needs you and if you". She was not pushy about it but it was just the fact that she wanted me to stay for something that does not make me happy.

@Pathetiquest: I hear ya dude. You get in thinking it's all milk and honey and then all of a sudden you get hit with this Un-Buddhist nonsense, ie Ikeda is our mentor and Nichiren Shoshu should burn in hell. It took me awhile to leave, and while I was in limbo I was pretty much a schizo, to say the least. One on hand I wanted to chant and improve my life, on the other hand I couldn't go in front of the Gohonzon knowing that the party line is against everything I believe in. Thankfully, other members in my group are too self-absorbed with chanting for a better car that I slinked away without anyone noticing. Sure I get my calls, but then I give them an excuse of how I am too busy working or too busy studying. As for your ex-roommate, it is a tough thing for you and her. On your end, I do imagine you still want to keep the friendship but keep it respectful as well. On her end, she is so into the practice that she can't imagine someone not liking it, perhaps it's going to make her lose faith. Plus she was the one that got you in the first place. My two cents, take her out for coffee, let her know how you feel and be firm about it. If she is a true friend, she'll be cool. If she gives you the fundamental darkness talk, well that's life, it is what it is. The good thing is if you are still interesting in Buddhism, there are a lot of sects and philosophies for you to explore. In fact, I am studying Zen, Tibetan, and Theravada and that does well for me. The world is your oyster!

@lthomas: Been there, done that, haha! Seriously, it takes a while to wash out of your system. You are a better man, I tried to quit at least five times before I finally said, "Enough is enough!" I do chant once in a while myself, but I'm not too serious about it. In fact, I haven't chanted in the last 3 weeks and life is fine. In some ways a lot better. In fact, the best thing about not chanting is that you have a lot more time to do things, especially important things. Try not chanting for a whole week and see if the world is going to end. I guarantee it won't.

@evergreen: You wrote "It was always in the back of my mind that problems were there because I didn't chant enough, or that I was lessening my karmic retribution, or that I was being protected from something worse happening (benefit). Its hard to do, but fortunately I'm equipped now to be an adult. Sometimes there is no reason/logic for hardships. "

That's how I view my bad karma. If it comes, it comes. Yet I am not going to be afraid of it nor let myself feel down for the bumps in the road.

Thanks for your words of encouragement Dr.JesusESQ. I am actually a better woman LOL!! My true test of not chanting then seeing if something was bad came this week. I had been dealing with a dire situation in school that could have if my financial aid was to be taking away. My first inclination was to chant but I did not want to. I just didn't. So I did not. Everything turned out fine. But in the end whether this outcome was negative or positive I knew in my heart that it would not be as a result of whether I chanted Nam Myo Renge Kyo or not. Right now I am fine. I don't know how I am going to feel tomorrow. As far as dissing someone's calls and not returning them or their e-mails, this is something in my heart that I know that I cannot do even though I want to do, because I am a well-known member and also, because I am so sick and tired of running away from fear. Am I nervous as to what it is that they will say to me? Yes. I believe some not-so-nice things are going to be made once again to make me stay, but for some reason this is something I have to face. I am in no way telling anyone in this forum how they should or how they have broken away from the practice. I think it is totally fine if you want to just cut off the connection without being direct. This is just something that I have to do because my community is small and I tend to pop or run into members all of the time.

Dear lthomas:

Congratulations for your courage. I think most of us were fearful and confused when we first left the Gakkai. The reason, besides the advanced, subtle, and not so subtle brainwashing techniques foisted on us [spiritual rape] by them, is that superficially, the Soka Gakkai is based on the highest Buddhist teaching, the Lotus Sutra and the writings of the Buddhist Sage, Nichiren Daishonin.

This mixture of the clean with the unclean is extremely difficult to distinguish from the clean, like a drink laced with a subtle but deadly poison from the unadulterated drink. I hope, when you get your bearings, you will investigate the Lotus Sutra and the writings of Nichiren Daishonin without the SGI poison.

Nichijew

@lthomas: First of all, I want to say sorry for assuming you are a man. It is stupid of me, for sure. Also, as I was writing about slinking away from the group, I wasn't telling anyone what to do. Obviously what works for me doesn't work for everyone. It's not that I want to disconnect from my friends in the SGI, far from it. It's just I do nothing and let them go away, ignore them if things get rough. Then again, all of the members of the SGI from my group are so spread out in the state, we hardly see each other unless we're at the community center. Usually when I give them the ultimatum, their efforts to keep me in increases ten fold. That's why I chose to avoid them if necessary. Again, I'm telling no one what to do with their situations.

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evergreen
Just got a "hitory with our mentor" pamphlet fro 2010. It got mailed out to anyone who has gotten SGI USA publications for the last year. I ended my publications this summer but the SGI still hasn't let up. The pamphlet's almost pocket sized. It folds out to four parts. It has Ikeda's "27 visits to America" on it. I looked for it online so that I could post a link here, but I can't find it. Its for SGI USA members and its a small pictorial, historical, etc. etc. Does anyone else have this? I threw it in the trash and didn't look back. It just keeps getting worse. Its like the universe gave me its stamp of approval.

I got one of those, uh, "gifts" this week also! A chronological listing of all of Ikeda's visits to America... Who exactly does that info benefit and what is its purpose?! My guess is that these are supposed to whip up some excitement over the possibility that their beloved Sensei might be returning for a U.S. visit. They always dangle that carrot in front of the members. I can't tell you how many New Year Gongyo meetings I've been to where all the leaders get up and cheer, "Let's welcome Sensei back to America in (insert year here)!" One of the photos included is an aerial shot of Soka University with an expression-less Ikeda photoshopped in front of it. Yes, it looks as creepy as it sounds. My pamphlet ended up in the same place as evergreen's: the trash.

Dear All:

I just listened to the February Men's Division audio encouragement. Tariq Hassan, SGI Men's Division leader was the next to last keynote speaker. He was incredulous that some regions and areas weren't showing Ikeda's videos at their sunday Kosen Rufu Prayer meetings, "I don't understand it", he said in derision. Then he went on to give an experience about home visiting the husband of a member. This man is one of the top executives of Citi Bank. Hassan was literally gushing praise [like a little dog sniffing the butt of a big dog's behind] of this mega rich fool. he stated to the effect, " The favorite activity of City Bank top executive is seeing President Ikeda's videos". No wonder the crook in City Bank is in awe of the billionaire Ikeda, the Soka Gakkai never loses money and doesn't have to pay even a dime in taxes. They do have one thing in common, getting rich off the little guys. At the same time, is there any doubt why Citi Bank lost so many billions and billions of dollars thanks to faulty investments? With heads of the company like this fellow, it was a matter of course.

Tariq Hassan also stated that you are not worthy of being a disciple of Sensei if you don't feel inspired to bring many people to see Sensei's videos.

Another Ikedabot stated that the prime point of the national meeting in Guam, "was the VERY large picture of Sensei placed in the middle of the room."

Literally, in the latest audio of the Men's Division meeting, among the five speakers, especially those of Tariq Hassan and the earlier speakers, "Sensei" and "President Ikeda" were mentioned many dozens of time and Nichiren Daishonin, once, if I remember correctly. Danny Nagashima quoted the Daishonin several times but the script was the same old, same old.

[www.sgimedia.net]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2010 07:08AM by Nichijew.

In the area where I used to practice, they would have the Ikeda video meetings twice a month at the kaikan. When the attendance level at both meetings started running low, they began showing the videos at kofu gongyo. I hated that because I would avoid the Ikeda videos on purpose, and it felt like they were luring us into kofu gongyo only to turn around and shove the Ikeda videos right down your throat. Bait and switch, SGI-style!

All of those Ikeda videos follow the same pattern:
1. Ikeda comes onstage with his arms stretched out in victory to a cheering crowd.
2. A choir or band performs some militaristic-sounding SGI song.
3. Ikeda receives an award from a foreign dignitary.
4. Ikeda babbles on and on about how some park in some country you never heard of was christened "Ikeda Peace Park," or how some road in some third world country was named "Toda Way."
5. Daimoku sansho (the long & over-indulgent 10-minute Ikeda version).