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DavidM
Hi,
To wayfarerfree. I'm sorry for PM'ing you so much, the last few days I've not been working so mind has been in overdrive, I've thought about little else. It was almost midnight the other night before I got something to eat for dinner. I was anxious and overly eager to talk to people and try and find out as much as I could at this time. I will not PM you again.
The person who I said I was shakabuku'ing has been with me for some time over the last couple of days, its not been fun at some points but they have really helped me and helped me talk things through. Their intellect and objective arguments have been a blessing.
Its totally true, I haven't officially 'left'. I've left in my heart and my mind. Basically because I can no longer justify (or more accurately, as I would have in the past, 'make allowances for') or explain the financial secrecy, leadership secrecy, political connections, Ikeda-ism (which in my area can only be found on the interenet), hatred towards Nichiren Shoshu (and all other Buddhists), the 'broken' system of 'leaders', over advertisement, and just plain 'controlling' nature.
After readng the person's post on here last night about the daigohonzon I woudn up investigating that. The person I mentioned was also here with me. I consider that I 'know' (as in have read regardless of what level to which I've understood) the Gosho and the Lotus Sutra. But I couldn't even say if the new SGI gongyo book still had the prayer to the daigohonzon. I guess I had been on autopilot without an ounce of inquiry in my mind when it came to that section. Don't know what that suggests or proves but it was a hell of a slap in the face.
After reading up on various other Nichiren schools of thought I now think the very idea of a 'daigohonzon' (never mind wether its authentic or not or eve if it has 'more power' or not) is a load of crap. I wish I could be more angry about that but as I say its not something I ever worried about, in my 5 yrs in SGI I haven't heard it mentioned once. Except in the SGI prayer book. God, I sound like a freaking idiot. (not sure what the policy on swearing is here btw) This is the kind of thing I'm talking about, I feel like now that my mind is not concerned with automatically defending SGI (as I was chronically guilty of doing in teh past) I am seeing everything with new eyes.
Still on the topic of the gohonzon, I remember getting really pissed off when I saw images of gohonzons on websites and in youtube videos. I can't explain why, obviously I had heard in SGI that the gohonzon should be respected and revered but my emotional response was too strong. Maybe that is evidence of some kind of brainwashing, or maybe manipulation at least. I do still feel a gohonzon should be respected, but now I feel its great that people are hosting high res images on their websites for people to print off for free. The absolute opposite of SGI's attitude. Someone (of one of the other Nichiren sects) as a bunch of videos of various goohonzon's on youtube. One is a sort of animation cartoon one with nam myoho renge kyo down the middle and then little pictures of Shakyamuni, Many Treasure Buddha and Nichiren. I would have been literally enraged about this before but I felt... happy, seeing it, its hard to explain. It just seemed liberated, open, wonderful.
There is a big meeting here on Sunday which I have told a few people I am going to. Feels strange. I guess I'm gonna get a phone call after it. As I said I slipped off the map before for about 8 months without much trouble, but there is one person who will definately call me on this occasion. I guess its hard because I genuinely like this persona and genuinely feel they know alot about buddhism (rather than just SGI or Ikeda). I guess it would be easier if they not such a nice guy. I suppose I can only lay out my reasons for wishing to leave, and see what the say. I imagine they will try and bring me round and defeat my arguments, that wont work... what they will say then I have no idea. Maybe they will get angry, abusive, start saying I'm not buddhist or I'm bringing evil on myself. I don't know. I guess thats what I'm most scared of, what happens in the conversation when there's no ligitimate argument left, either it'll get ugly or they'll hang up. There aren't really any other members I'm close to, and the ones I am a bit close to are not the 'shout in your face and break your spirit' types.
Anyway, I do understand I (somewhat) hijacked this thread and took up alot of people time with my incessent PMs. I am sorry for that, I know now that I have been the lucky one, my problems are trivial compared to what other people must be going through right now. I've found other forums where hopefully I can speak to people about my practice in the future.
I know many of you will not trust me after reading this whirlwind of feeling from the last few days, but I feel as though I was 'waiting' for something to challange me over SGI, I couldn't do it on ym own volition and it took the person I was trying to shakabuku, 'the interent' and my own humility and honesty to let me free my mind.
Not fishing for sympathy but I know I may be seen as a pariah on this forum (for not suffering to a great deal in SGI) and I will also be seen as a pariah in SGI circles. I am very lucky I have my own close friends who are not in SGI.
But I guess I may still be seen as SGI's internet James Bond (or maybe Keyser Soze would be a better analogy) and had only come here to 'infiltrate' this space. Theres no way I can change people's minds on that, and I will not register under a different name or anything like that. If in the future I do feel as though I have something to add then it will be under this name.
To everyone who took the time to speak with me after the arrogant way I introduced myself here I want to say thank you. To everyone who PM'd me with criticism and advice I can't say thank you enough.
This has been an insane few days for me (and its not over) my brain feels like its been through the mill.
I don't know what to say to end this, just, thank you.
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DavidM
To Nichijew
Hi,
There is absolutely no apology necessary. I totally understand how I must have first appeared, and the justified response of suspicion and wanting to keep this forum as a safe haven for people to speak openly.
Dam, that meeting sounds crazy! The meetings near me are not like that but I will not be going to it anyway. :)
I'm glad to hear you and your wife are doing well, things can only get better eh?
Thanks again for your kind words. :)
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The Anticult
That is why Ikeda manufactured such paranoia and fear of the imagined "enemies" of the Soka Gakkai.
Ikead knows if you make people afraid, they will do what they are told, and seek a strong leader.
Ikeda also knows, if you manufacture some terrible "enemy", then that makes your followers circle the wagons and feel like they are "protecting the SGI" from the imagined enemies.
It also shields their minds to outside criticism, as they just blame it on an enemy. The more criticism they get, the stronger the imagined SGI persecution belief becomes.
The more an enemy is just imagined, the better as well for SGI.
Daisaku Ikeda is quite a brilliant global cult leader. He's not subtle, but he's been able to make billions of dollars, and manage quite a large group of disciples using fairly standard and crude techniques of mass persuasion.
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DavidMQuote
The Anticult
That is why Ikeda manufactured such paranoia and fear of the imagined "enemies" of the Soka Gakkai.
Ikead knows if you make people afraid, they will do what they are told, and seek a strong leader.
Ikeda also knows, if you manufacture some terrible "enemy", then that makes your followers circle the wagons and feel like they are "protecting the SGI" from the imagined enemies.
It also shields their minds to outside criticism, as they just blame it on an enemy. The more criticism they get, the stronger the imagined SGI persecution belief becomes.
The more an enemy is just imagined, the better as well for SGI.
Daisaku Ikeda is quite a brilliant global cult leader. He's not subtle, but he's been able to make billions of dollars, and manage quite a large group of disciples using fairly standard and crude techniques of mass persuasion.
I think this is totally true. Being 'inside' SGI, any and all criticism is automatically seen as coming form 'the enemies' of SGI rather than independent critical thinkers. I guess its the desire to cling to the safety of SGI that makes it so easy to do.
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DavidMQuote
The Anticult
That is why Ikeda manufactured such paranoia and fear of the imagined "enemies" of the Soka Gakkai.
Ikead knows if you make people afraid, they will do what they are told, and seek a strong leader.
Ikeda also knows, if you manufacture some terrible "enemy", then that makes your followers circle the wagons and feel like they are "protecting the SGI" from the imagined enemies.
It also shields their minds to outside criticism, as they just blame it on an enemy. The more criticism they get, the stronger the imagined SGI persecution belief becomes.
The more an enemy is just imagined, the better as well for SGI.
Daisaku Ikeda is quite a brilliant global cult leader. He's not subtle, but he's been able to make billions of dollars, and manage quite a large group of disciples using fairly standard and crude techniques of mass persuasion.
I think this is totally true. Being 'inside' SGI, any and all criticism is automatically seen as coming form 'the enemies' of SGI rather than independent critical thinkers. I guess its the desire to cling to the safety of SGI that makes it so easy to do.
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sushigrl
As this thread is for recovery from the mindboggling org that is SGI, maybe it would be good if we pondered this question: what constructive lessons or experiences could we take away from our escape from SGI? I for one have learned that it is important not to give over my mind to anything that asks me to throw common sense to the wind and believe in "an object of worship". All along I had a problem with this concept of object of worship while I was in the org.
I also am more careful about anything or anyone instantly wanting me to be involved with all my "heart". Being dedicated to a cause without a concrete purpose "cousin rufus" without any real direction other than furthering the aggrandizement of the org was a shameful waste of my time and efforts. This, I will never do again.