pain of discussing your experience with a group
Posted by: kath ()
Date: February 05, 2007 05:35PM

How people (most people) react if you mention a destructive experience you had with a group is in such a disappointing and painful way :shock:

It really changed the way I feel about the human race.

I wish I had never mentioned the experience I had with a destructive group, [i:ffe1005ff6]to anyone[/i:ffe1005ff6] but instead had just gone on to other experiences in my life.

By talking about it I have just been shredded to bits by different people time and time again :shock:

Forgive the 'emo' tone of my post, but it's my genuine feelings.

And probably people I don't know will randomly snipe at me for writing this, if my past experiences over the last couple of years from humanity is anything to go by :shock:

I imagine and hope some other people reading will have had this experience in life after being in a destructive group.

Options: ReplyQuote
pain of discussing your experience with a group
Posted by: yasmin ()
Date: February 06, 2007 05:13PM

Hey Kath, sorry things are not going well for you at the moment: hang on in there!

Hope you find some better friends soon. Sometimes people have not emotionally matured enough to be able to understand things. Tend to believe that life is easier if you only share personal info with people you already know to be kind and compassionate.

Believe that compassion comes with wisdom and experience: some of the people who are giving you such a hard time now, may end up in ten or twenty years becoming much kinder least one can hope so!

Options: ReplyQuote
pain of discussing your experience with a group
Posted by: Jack Oskar Larm ()
Date: February 24, 2007 04:49AM

I suppose, as humans, we tend to deny difficult feelings. Like so much about us, you have to find strong individuals - those who don't immediately personalise other's experiences. The same thing happens when we watch 'difficult' scenes on TV - we flinch and feel uncomfortable and grab the remote if it gets too painful. The key is finding these strong individuals who have the wisdom to listen. Failing that, we have paid professionals to fill the void.

What I sometimes do is avoid human contact. I go for a walk, play with my dog or log-on to this forum...

But it is vital that you find people you can trust. This forum is a good platform - and the art of listening is still valued here!

Options: ReplyQuote
pain of discussing your experience with a group
Posted by: Gulab Jamon ()
Date: February 27, 2007 02:17AM

Kath, I imagine if you are talking to people who are still involved in the organization or group, they are very likely to be disturbed and offended by your criticisms of the group. Because of their continuing involvement in the group, they are not going to be open to any dissent. (Yes, I speak from experience!)

If you feel the need to say anything to them (such as responding to a question like, "Why haven't you been around lately?") you can just say something innocuous like, "My spiritual path is leading me elsewhere, and I find that this group no longer suits my beliefs." If the person you are talking to has had any doubts about the group, this will leave enough of an opening for them to start confiding in you, should they so desire. But if the person is still deeply involved in the group, they may try to convince you to come back and talk to one of the higher-ups. Then just politely say "Thank you, I'll consider that," and change the subject.

IMO, the best thing to do when leaving a cult is to avoid the people in it until they demonstrate that they are OK with you leaving. And refrain from criticizing the group around them, so as to avoid arguments.

If you want an analogy: in rehab, they tell recovering drug users and alcoholics to avoid their old haunts and old friends from the drinking and drugging days, so that they don't get sucked back into it.

It does suck to have to avoid people whom you consider friends, but if these people are not in the same mental space as you right now, then the friendship isn't going to work anyway. You may be learning the hard way that most of these people are not true friends. True friends respect your opinion even if they disagree, and they support you no matter what.

Time to start socializing elsewhere, and maybe look up some old friends whom you haven't seen since your pre-cult days.

Options: ReplyQuote
pain of discussing your experience with a group
Posted by: onlyme ()
Date: March 05, 2007 06:25AM

hi kath, i even had an experience on a much smaller scale in here. finding posts about the cult i used to be involved in i posted 1 message - didn't even get to share my experiences, and i was jumped on.

I hope you're ok, and hope you find a place you can share what's happened and be truly honoured and respected for this.

Options: ReplyQuote
pain of discussing your experience with a group
Posted by: sametanner ()
Date: March 05, 2007 03:00PM


I sympathize with your predicament, people still in the group you left largely can't be trusted or be sympathetic to your leaving and people without that experience on the outside treat you like you're nuts. I've been there, done that.

A forum like this can be very helpful in finding people with similar experience and a sympathetic manner to help you unload and talk about what you went through. Another avenue would be to look online for a support group specific to the group you left - there are a myriad of support groups out there, a couple of web searches could possibly find one specific to your needs.

Good luck to you.


Options: ReplyQuote

Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
This forum powered by Phorum.