here are some speculations on what Sonnie describes, different models. See which one fits your situation:
Inflicting shame by nagging people to feel responsible for things that are actually not within their control may take us back to the helplessness of childhood, induce regression. In a child's state of mind, we cannot access areas of adult logic. Its the same mechanism that causes even the smartest people to get utterly bewildered when they get a terrifying diagnosis from their physicians. When you're scared, your mental age returns to early childhood and you lose the ability to stay adult in relation to your surroundings. (One sign is hearing your own voice suddenly go high and childlike. Or feeling small and the other person suddenly 'feels' taller!)
[
www.depersonalization.info]
See if the article describes anything resembling what you've been through.
Finally, there is another type of dissociation described by Robert J LIfton
called doubling. In doubling, you respond to a stressful/traumatic environment by creating another self that can deal with it.
Often, doubling is socially positive. Surgeons, paramedics and police officers may have to create a doubled 'work self' to handle some of the shocking work experiences they face. But their work, though stressful is still ethical, serves society, and they knew what they were in for when they signed up.
But doubling may be part of what creates a 'group personality' that serves a hurtful agenda.
You revert to your baseline 'normal self' when at home. Lifton first noted this when interviewing people who committed atrocities (see his book 'The Nazi Doctors')
From the interviews, Lifton got enough information to estimate that it took at most two weeks of exposure to a harsh environment for people to construct this new, doubled self. First they were horrified, then gradually went numb, then they remembered the progaganda that had been pumped at them by the German government about certain groups of people being subhuman, and by the end of the (at most) 2 weeks, ignored their Hippocratic Oath and humanistic educations and created new 'work selves' capable of performing deeds they would formerly have refused to do.
This proves the importance of getting away from a bad social scene the instant that you have misgivings, and the reason why its advisable never to go through any social program where they refuse to tell you in advance what the program will be.