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sonnie_dee
Thanks for the Welcome Elena,
I have been writing some of my experiences down, at the suggestion of the counsellor I was seeing. It is scary to recognise the manipulations now that I can see them (well some of them anyway) where as previously I just considered it coaching or my inauthenticity or what ever else technology was drummed into me.
I was involved with Landmark for several years. Initially doing the Landmark Forum then assisting while doing the LFIA Seminar and Advanced course. Even writing down my experiece before I was a paid staff member has been helpful.
Maybe one day I will post it so others can learn but for now Its too much. I have been reading the different posts on this site and was actually sent here by a very good friend who thankfully has never attended the LF and has put up with pretty hard selling and pushing and manipulation on my part to get them there.
Paid staff experience coaching and training at a level beyond what paying participants or voluteer assistants do. You are pushed and pushed and pushed until you break. You are shouted at, set up to fail and when you do fail you are "coached" about making it your responsibility until you have a break through.
I now believe that these break throughs are literally just breaking apart your self image.
I hope your counsellor is familiar with cults and cult mind-control. Many have no idea how it works and are unaware of the damage that cults or "LGATs" can do. Some don't even think it exists. It - cult mind-control - is like some poor second-cousin in the fields of the study of human exploitation, even though it is probably the most destructive in many ways, probably because so many of our institutions and organisations use the same tactics, though to a lesser degree, through advertising and propaganda. Sometimes looking at the ways advertisers and propagandists achieve their goals is a good way to get a picture of what is going on in programs like Landmark; the emotional manipulation, trance induction, "framing" or dictating "context," sotto voce or subliminal suggestion, repetition, distraction, desensitization, appeals to authority, pressure/release or "good cop/bad cop," etc., etc. Also, looking at a different cult from the one in which you have been enmeshed can be a real eye-opener. The people who design these "programs" are ruthless operatives. They want your mind, knowing they will get your time and your labor in the bargain. If you feel really, really bad after they've "handled" you, and you are "bonded" to them because you've confided your most intimate secrets, you will work very hard to try to feel better doing whatever they tell you to do. It is mental enslavement. There is a large amount of scholarly material here and on the AFF website. Also Wellspring offers counselling and treatment specifically for those harmed by cults. Many have described a type of "post-traumatic stress disorder" and the residuall effects can be similar.
Are you in touch with any other former employees or "apostates?" The best "deprogrammers" are often people who were in the same cult. (They will probably use extreme measures to try to get you to come back, hounding and calling you all hours of the day and night, sending whoever was your best friend in the cult, attempting to draw you back in with "love-bombing," etc.)
Ellen