hi lightwolf, yes, I would like to discuss LE methods, I am very much interested what is behind it and how suspected results can be achieved by other methods. But I am only a natural scientist not a philosopher. You are right I still need some time for full recovery.
hi midonov, thank you for your compassion, I'm trying to forget and to let go.
What makes me really sick is that otherwise intelligent, nice and loving people (LE leaders) behave like "boot-camp" instructors if it comes to guest registrations. Demanding incredible "rules", and that they are really
convinced doing the right thing because LE will save the world. They don't
care how many volunteers, they leave depressed and shattered. So I
developed a personal relationship with some LE leaders, and they have destroyed my trust. This is what hurts.
You might ask, well why did you continue then: because I just could not
believe it, because participating in a course is different from volunteering
in leadership programs. Subtly, their attitude is changing, and in the
end you are just feeling like a slave.
Yesterday I ended the last relationship with an LE participants, despite loving her, even if it was hard for me, since I felt increasingly more pain, since she just ignored that I am more than beyond my personal limits and continued to speak about LE. Having no sleep is not my fault and very delimiting, it is not something I am making up. She continued to suggest that it is my fault how I experienced LE, oK. over now ...
I will take a longer time out until I have handled the emotional stress
I've been through the same emotional stress you are going through. Those sharks at Landmark use their rethoric to put you in a state of regression where your feel helpless and thus succeptible to become dependant on the group. About that woman you love, you have to realize that Landmark is more important to her than you are (OUCH!!!). Under these conditions, your choice is clear. You cannot change her since she is a true believer in the new doctrine.
Wilfred Bion has studied psychology of groups in details. It is said about group psychology that:
"The essential aim … is to attain security through and have its members protected by one individual. It assumes that this is why the group has met. The members act as if they know nothing, as if they are inadequate and immature creatures. Their behavior implies that the leader, by contrast, is omnipotent and omniscient"
"Leaders draw a power from their followers’ wish for an ideal parent, a wish that is latent in all adults no matter what kind of parent they had. Although cult leaders may be charismatic, they need not be as long as they are believed by the group members to possess superior powers and secrets. Cult leaders are authoritarian, encouraging dependence and discouraging autonomy. Obedience and loyalty are rewarded, and critical thinking is punished. Furthermore, to enhance dependency on the leader, pair bonding is discouraged. The leader must come first; family and lovers come last. "
Landmark does everything to make you feel like an inadequate and immature creature (regression) so that you become dependant on the group. It's very hard to deprogram someone who has fallen into this trap. Leader(s) comes first, family and lovers last!