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passerby


I beg to differ. Everything you "know" is really an act of "faith". Much of what you "know" you have learnt by reading and believing the writings of men. Hardly an irrational leap.

Everything? Where do they come up with this stuff?

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You're right. Science has a lot to answer for ;)

Yes, and how nice that there are so many possibilities that men using scientific reasoning and experimentation have a chance at actually coming up with some answers that don't rely on pie-in-the-sky fantasies with a big-Santa-Claus-in-the-sky as authority.



Ellen

Thanks everyone for the comments and support. It has been over a year since my original post.

Since that time I have taken the advice to move slowly.

I've continued attending church and putting on a facade of belief. My wife has accepted that I don't believe and seems happy most of the time. Although at times she seems confused or unhappy especially if we talk about my unbelief.


What I've realized over the last month or so is that life is way too short to continue "faking it". What I've been doing is trying to focus on all of the universal good things LDS and ignoring those things that I didn't agree with. I suppose this could work but I'm just getting tired of it.

I'm also worried about my children being influenced too heavily and that I'm setting them up for a lifetime of Mormonism without them having the ability to choose.

So I've decided its time for me to slowly make a break.

What I'm trying to do is come up with a gameplan that will allow me to seperate with the least amount of shock to family and friendships.

One thought I had was to move far away from the high percentage Mormon community that I now live in. My wife is open to the idea. I'm hoping that then we'll be able to start new and be ourselves without fear of social repercussions. Then if we had to fake it it would be short periods of time while visiting family/friends etc.

Jon:

A few meaingful ideas might be found here.

See [www.culteducation.com]

This generally would not apply to your situation, but there may be a few good things that could be useful.

Jon,

I am a counselor, and I believe very much in the importance of living authentically. Ultimately, if we live in a way that is not true to our inner selves we begin to lose respect for ourselves, and it costs us both peace and self-esteem. I admire your decision to attempt to align how you are living your life more closely with what you believe.

Jon, as the wife of an ex- mormon, I'd like to tell you that I admire your strenght.
Leaving is not easy, as isn't easy to leave any group that you belonged for a long time.
What I see as the main problem is the coertion about black or white, The Church or Satan. It seems there are no middle points.
Sometimes they try to make you feel guilty (you're betraying God) or weak (there is something wrong with your spirituality).

A few points to answer to all the questions from the outsiders of the family & friends circle (and I bet they ask):

- The Truth is only one: call it God, Yahveh, Mother Nature, etc. We all have different ways to approach it. As long as it doesn't harm anyone. When someone chooses the spiritual path that suits them the most, one is not following Satan. He's simply following his beliefs in God in a way that is GOOD FOR THIS PERSON. Therefore, it must be respected.

- God -for the ones who believe in Him- is all love and mercy, so He would never feel betrayed if you approach him in a different way.

- And there is nothing wrong with believing something different and questioning what is written by men. Human are not perfect, so it can be wrong. The Bible can be wrong. But it doesn't change the way I feel about God. To be honest, if tomorrow a new papyrus is discovered and says that Jesus was only a regular human, well, still his teachings have a lot of common sense.

An advice: try to find another religious group where you feel better. After time of working for God and praying with other fellows, going solo may make you feel very lonely. It will also give your children a choice, something else to know about. It will open their minds.
And it will prove to the members of the LDS church that there is nothing wrong with your spirituality.

You wrote about your wife: "She now feels distant from her friends and family because of the doubts that I've stirred up. "
Don't confront them about the dogma or the book of Mormon. Just respect it and try to live in harmony. All my husband's family still belong to the church and we still pray together when we meet for dinner. (I was brought up Catholic; never had previous contact with the LDS church.)

The important thing, as I see it, is that your children get to experience something else. Leaving aside the fact of the harmful side effects of belonging to the LDS -unfortunately, there are some- it's important that when they grow up, they have the possibility to choose. They must know that there are other ways of worshipping God and one must choose the one that is best for us in order to be a better person.
Not a bitter one.

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Marcus
The way I see it is that there are two sides to any coin. If you only focus on the tails, then anyone with half a brain should see that it's a gimmick, a straw man.

I will throw in a couple of positives about the Mormon church. Not because I think anyone here will believe me, but to get my own jollies.

1. Mormons have legitimate spiritual experiences. Some they will share with you and some they won't. The one's that fall away, I don't judge, maybe they didn't have spiritual experiences. Go find them somewhere else. That's okay by me. I don't mind who gets what spiritual experience or who doesn't.

2. Living a Mormon life helps many Mormons feel close to God. They experience God too.

3. Any religion is only true to its believers. The bible is only true to its believers. Darwinism is only true to its believers. Critical methodologies are only true to its believers.

4. Christian religions believe in James 1:5 to get answers to life's questions, except the question about Mormonism. Yes I believe that God leads people from one non-Mormon church to a different non-Mormon church.

5. Any angle of the mysteries of the Universe has it's imponderables and unanswerable questions. To argue from one viewpoint as infallible is only a statement that one is gullible.

Good points. Afew friends of mine joined the Mormon church and a couple of them joined the Jehovah's Witnesses. Their lives have improved in significant fashion. Both religions are deemed as cults by the outside world. They are known for the bad they have done, when it comes to people with axes to grind, who sometimes overexagerate. But often they don't get enough credit for what they have done to their believers. Why? I would take a guess at saying that "the good points" don't make "the news".

tlck

Neither the Mormon Church or Jehovah's Witnesses "are deemed as cults by the outside world."

Some evangelicals consider them "cults" based upon theology, but they are usually seen as simply controversial religions.

See [www.culteducation.com]

[b:910ccd69b7]How is the word "cult" defined? [/b:910ccd69b7]

This definition obviously could include everything from Barbie collectors to old "Deadheads," "Trekkies" to diehard Elvis fans. American history might also include within such a definition the devoted followers of Mary Baker Eddy the founder of Christian Science, or the Mormons united through their devotion to Joseph Smith. Both these religious groups were once largely regarded as "unorthodox or spurious." However, the most important concern today is not simply who might be somewhat "cultic" in their devotion now or historically, but what groups might represent potential problems regarding personal or public safety. That is, groups that are potentially unsafe and/or destructive.

But it is also important to note that some groups, which may have once been labeled as "cults" continue to be controversial due to their unsafe or destructive practices. Two examples of groups that continue to be problematic and often destructive are the former Russellites, now known as "Jehovah's Witnesses," that once prohibited organ transplants and still expects its members to refuse blood transfusions, which has resulted in numerous deaths. And the Christian Scientists founded by Mary Baker Eddy who often reject medical treatment, again resulting in the loss of life. Some groups may say they have renounced unsafe or destructive practices, only to be exposed later as guilty of the same extremes and abuses.

To better understand the controversy that continues to surround Mormons and to a greater extent Jehovah's Witnesses see--

[www.culteducation.com]

[www.culteducation.com]

Dear jon, I am an ex - Mormon, I was devout for 15 years (I converted when I was 18) and took 3 more years to decide to leave. It was easier for me as I was single, although it cost me a lot of people that I previously thought were friends. Definitely leave slowly, and if your wife is open to the relocation, do it! Being in a less Mormon-influenced area will help your kids (along with your lack of enthusiasm for church - God save us all from fast & testimony Sunday meetings) see that there is a life outside the church and make it easier for them to understand your feelings and lessen the church's impact upon them. As for your wife, I haven't read all your posts, but if you love each other - she may eventually settle for what you have then or be more amenable to "jack - Mormonism". Good luck to you. I left because I was tired of being a hypocrite and going along with the Church and staying in denial of how I truly felt and wanted to live.

Dear Jon,

I was raised mormon, in Provo, Utah. Although there are many positives about the culture, especially the emphasis on family, being raised mormon was mostly very, very bad for me. Please don't put your kids through that. If you aren't honest with them about your beliefs, you are modeling hypocrisy for them.

Please don't fake it. I know there may be job and social repurcussions for being real if you live in a mormon community. I'm not naive about that. But nothing is worth not living authentically. If your wife's family truly value the church teachings about the importance of family, it won't destroy the bond. My four siblings and most of my 18 neices and nephews are mormons, and I am not. We remain close nonetheless.

Good luck to you and your kids.

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jon
I've been LDS (Mormon) all of my life and have now I no longer believe in the church. I still attend with my wife and 4 children. My wife after finding out about my unbelief has been depressed and doesn't want to discuss my disbelief. I've decided to continue going to church in spite of my disbelief and put on a facade of belief to preserve our marriage and also avoid strain withing our family and friendships.

My questions is how harmful and destructive is the LDS church considered to be. I hear talk of JW's and Scientologists being destructive. Where does the LDS church fit in on the spectrum? The reason I want to know is I'm wondering if I should actively try and protect my children from any harmful side effects or if I should just go with the flow.

I used to be a member of this church. Even after I realized it wasn't true I continued going 'for my children'. One day a friend of mine told me she would not let hers go because of all the shame, self-defeating behaviors and judgments. I finally walked away FOR my children. I've never been happier and now my kids don't have to go through all the hell I went through trying to be something I'm not. I'm not going to live my life to be what someone else wants me to be. Also, how segregating this is and so many self righteous who beat their kids and cheat with their neighbors and preach about reaching the celestial kingdom I've met. Thank God, I'm free.