I've been LDS (Mormon) all of my life and have now I no longer believe in the church. I still attend with my wife and 4 children. My wife after finding out about my unbelief has been depressed and doesn't want to discuss my disbelief. I've decided to continue going to church in spite of my disbelief and put on a facade of belief to preserve our marriage and also avoid strain withing our family and friendships.

My questions is how harmful and destructive is the LDS church considered to be. I hear talk of JW's and Scientologists being destructive. Where does the LDS church fit in on the spectrum? The reason I want to know is I'm wondering if I should actively try and protect my children from any harmful side effects or if I should just go with the flow.

Jon:

See [www.culteducation.com]

Why would you even consider exposing your children to the possibility
of harmful side affects ?
Be a man and stand up for these children
No one else will
It is your duty
Dont waste any more time
Good luck -

It is very hard when one parent has left the group, is still married, and the other spouse continues to be a true believer. The kids are caught in the middle.
Been there, done that. No easy answers.
Good Luck!

The way I see it is that there are two sides to any coin. If you only focus on the tails, then anyone with half a brain should see that it's a gimmick, a straw man.

I will throw in a couple of positives about the Mormon church. Not because I think anyone here will believe me, but to get my own jollies.

1. Mormons have legitimate spiritual experiences. Some they will share with you and some they won't. The one's that fall away, I don't judge, maybe they didn't have spiritual experiences. Go find them somewhere else. That's okay by me. I don't mind who gets what spiritual experience or who doesn't.

2. Living a Mormon life helps many Mormons feel close to God. They experience God too.

3. Any religion is only true to its believers. The bible is only true to its believers. Darwinism is only true to its believers. Critical methodologies are only true to its believers.

4. Christian religions believe in James 1:5 to get answers to life's questions, except the question about Mormonism. Yes I believe that God leads people from one non-Mormon church to a different non-Mormon church.

5. Any angle of the mysteries of the Universe has it's imponderables and unanswerable questions. To argue from one viewpoint as infallible is only a statement that one is gullible.

The Book of Mormon is fictional.

The peoples spoken about within it never existed.

There is no objective independent evidence outside of the church to prove otherwise.

And no Mormon apologist can demonstrate otherwise.

Even though the bible is a record of peoples that existed some 1,500 years before those supposed peoples recorded in the Book of Mormon, it can be proven that there were ancient Egyptians, Babylonians, Israelites, Philistines etc.

No historical or archaeological proof exists whatsoever that there were any Lamenites, Jaredites, Nephites, etc.

Whatever spiritual experiences Mormons may have, such experiences cannot prove the book Mormonism is based upon.

The Book of Mormon essentially represents a historical claim not a spiritual one. And historical claims can either be proven or disproven by science, i.e. archaeology, anthropology and specifically by historical artifacts.

The Book of Mormon makes false claims about the manufacture of forged metal weapons, use of horses, the wheel and various farm crops , which did not exist in the Americas before Columbus.

The DNA evidence has proven that there is no link gentically between ancient Hebrews and the peoples of the Americas before Columbus.

Mormon apologists can't change these facts.

See the following links:

[www.culteducation.com]

[www.culteducation.com]

[www.culteducation.com]

[www.culteducation.com]

The way I see it now their is huge downside for me to try and pull my family out of the church right now.

To my wife her family, tradition and culture are a huge part of her identity. She's not comfortable going against the grain. I don't consider her a true believer because she is willing to admit that there's a good chance that it might not be true. Her attitude is that for social reasons she's never going to leave the church anyway, so why bother thinking critically about the beliefs, its better just to accept them and not cause any waves.

We had a discussion last night and it boiled down to this dilemma: She now feels distant from her friends and family because of the doubts that I've stirred up. She's not the type to harbor secrets and now she feels like she's being forced to hide my unbelief (and her doubts that I caused) from her friends and family and now she feels distant from them. I feel guilty for causing this turmoil.

If I encourage leaving now I'm afraid my wife would be a mental wreck.

I am worried about the kids. My oldest child is 8 years old.

Last weekend on our way home from the ward Fathers and Sons campout my 6 year old boy said

"I can't wait to go on a mission, because then I can eat nachos every night".

I explained to him that he didn't have to go on a mission and that if he decided to go to college instead that he could still eat nachos every night if he wanted.

He said, "Well if I don't go on a mission will I not be going to church any more?"

I said, "No you can still go to church even if you don't go on a mission, as a matter of fact you can decide whether you want to go to church or not."

He then said "Dad wouldn't that be following Satan if I didn't go on a mission?"

I was flabbergasted! I explained that it wouldn't be following Satan. I asked him where he had learned that and he couldn't remember. I told him that sometimes people at church say things that aren't 100% true for everybody.

He said "Well I'm not going on a mission, I'm going to college instead."

Then my 8 year old boy piped in "I'm not going on a mission either." They both seemed relieved. I assured them that was OK and that it was their decision.

I'm worried about the subtle affects of indoctrination and how it might affect their decisions later in life.

Very tough situation.

Probably best to make your way out slowly.

If you live in Utah it will be more difficult, since the Mormon Church dominates that state so much.

But if you live elsewhere perhaps you can begin to find new friends, connections and activities not built around the church.

Also, finding a good family and marriage counselor might be a good idea, a non-Mormon of course. Someone you can bounce things off of and get feedback from as you move along.

We live in Arizona so I think that there should be plenty of opportunities to branch out socially. I think my wife would be open if I took the initiative.

Any recommendations or ideas on where and how to start building a non-mormon social network?

I like the idea about marriage counseling. My wife and I have discussed her getting therapy for depression but aren't sure about how to find a qualified non-Mormon therapist.

Any ideas on how to get references to a qualified non-Mormon marriage and family counselor?

There are any number of resources in the Phoenix area.

A licensed clinical psychologist would be helpful.

Interview each psycholigist and find one that fits your neeeds.

Take it slow and easy.