Re: Drug Rehab Cult Comunita Cenacolo
Date: February 20, 2009 03:02PM
I can't really speak of your experience, I don't know what you went through. I can make a few comments, but they are unlikely to sway you nor are they intended to do so. While I admit the place isn't perfect (but what in this world is), there are somethings you wrote that I don't agree with.
First, there is this perception of a division between the outside world and cenacolo and while there is some truth that it is a controlled environment I don't feel that it has anything to do with getting us ready for the outside world. Anything that we do in this world comes from the individual. We all have choices to make, the key is to come to grips with yourself and your weakness so that you have the ability to make the right decisions when those choices are in front of you. In my own opinion, there are too many distractions on the outside for you to have time to evaluate yourself and spend time reflecting on what is important for you. Personally, being a guy who has worked all his life and was always acutely aware of the absurdity of our society, I found my time there peaceful. I love my personal adoration at night, I found peace in my search for God. For once in my life, I felt like I was truly searching for something that was permanent and eternal....the search for my soul so toa speak. That's not to say everyone has the same experience. I think that the disconnection from the outside world is inconsequential...there is nothing. The only thing that matters is what goes on inside of us. Most guys who referred to it as the outside world never got over there attachments to our previous lives. Life can be lived in any situation, it all depends on what we choose to focus on. I chose to focus on God and trying to subdue the anger and regrets inside of me. It was not easy, and obviously it did not take a deep enough path. In the end the things that caused me to leave were my family and a great desire to get my career back. I lost sight of the fact that the only reason this was important to me was because I had a need to prove something to those around me. This was a big mistake and something I did not see because I lied to myself. There is so much in our lives that are dominated by emotional complexities and cause us to do things we normally wouldn't do, I thought I was different...but in the end I wasn't. God found another way to humble me.
The second item I would like to bring up is this notion that organizations tell us how to get better. There is no silver bullet to addiction it may seem. But I have seen plenty of ex members, non italians, who have stayed the course and continue to do very well. It all depends on our belief structure. I realize that I never really fully bought into the idea of God...something I have struggled with all my life. The community is not a place to burn time, but it can be if you so desire. We can go through the motions, complete all the responsibilites and still end up on the streets. In my mind, drug addicts lack boundaries and most of all a sense or morality. Morality, in my mind can only come from one place. Religion..whichever you chose to follow. On the outside people for the most part have regressed into selfish, materialistic and most of lack any real compassion for those who suffer. I have felt it all my life and have never felt comfortable with the crowd. I felt a sincere compassion at cenacolo, friendship, and most of all a kinship. Not with everyone, but with a few. What I am trying to say, is that change is ultimately up to you. Cenacolo is just one choice, there are millions of others. One size cannot fit everyone.
I am coming back to cenacolo because I have understood one thing. I cannot continue to exist doing what I am doing. I no longer value the business world I live in...it is empty and meaningless. I never cared about money, material things and I acquired them only because I was conditioned to do so. My soul always knew otherwise and I have paid the price for not being true to myself. I understand that the only important thing in my life is to attempt to do something that is in line with my soul and that is sacrifice for those in need. This is the only thing that has ever brought me any kind of happiness. My accounting career is dirty. I can no longer live with the fact that I drive a BMW while some poor kid in another part of the world doesn't have a piece of bread to eat. I am aware of my own lack compassion. I have the drive and the ability to live an alternative life...one free from the horror of commercialism...I detest it.
I plan on dedicating the rest of my life to serving others....cenacolo is a path to do this so for me it's right. For others it may not be so. I have always felt a burning sensation inside of me that something wasn't quite right and I believe to this day that this void can only be filled by God...but I have to journey there....it doesn't happen overnight. Cenacolo helped me to discover this and it can do the same for others, but that person has to be sincere about why he is there. If he's there to change, then it makes no difference where you are. If he's there because he has no where else to go and never takes a sincere approach to refection...then he will always be an addict. Cenacolo will not change the addict if the addict has no desire to change.....choices and decisions are always made by ourselves...what we chose to hate, like and tolerate....if we can't get these emotions under control then they will control us....The discipline, the peace and the joy I felt at cenacolo have changed me..because I invested the time in myself. I can say I now truly am only beginning to understand myself and with the help of God I feel i'm finally on the path I was meant to be on.
I would have never entertained this train of thought had it not been for the community...I am grateful to them, and I was dropped off on the highway...but I understood what they were trying to do and I forgave them because they gave me so much more.