Pudge Meekway's attitude has really gone south. See attached...

I recently read a book that really resonated with me called "Lake of Fire," by Kate Gale. I first bought it because Dr. Gale grew up in a "commune" that was only a few miles from my house in the '80s. It was called the High View Church Farm, but we locals all knew it as the Jolly Farmer. They had a restaurant and gift shop, and my family used to go there to get ice cream on hot summer nights.


Little did I know how much I would identify with a good number of the feelings Dr. Gale recounted as an independent child just trying to follow what was taught as "god's law," and eventually feeling depressed and dejected and sinful when we couldn't measure up to what the adults expected of us (which was nothing short of perfection from a religious standpoint).

It's a great book and I just thought I'd share. It might even be mentioned elsewhere on this site for all I know.

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I was homeschooled under this curriculum while my family attended a cult. Go figure.

When I saw rickross.com was no longer available, it broke my heart. And then I found this site. (Rick, thanks for keeping the fire burning.)

Almost 30 years have passed since I last sat in my office at Land o'Lakes Christian School doing PACE work. "I need to see you in my office." Every time the principal came up behind me and sternly uttered those words, Nothing else mattered. Nothing in life to look forward to. I felt like the world might as well have been coming to an end. I knew I was gonna get a paddling. And for about 20 mins while he had me standing in his office while he pointed out why I was wrong and why I would be getting a paddling. The emotional abuse was worse than the physical paddling. YEAR SIX (1982 - 1983) They brought in this one dude who had me paddled at least 8 times within about 6 weeks. I stopped counting after 8. Once I had two paddlings in two days. Back to back. And they shamed me every paddling. Two adults against a kid.

Since moving to NJ I got burned by other churches. When I was going through my divorce the pastor of the last Baptist church I was attending un-friended me on facebook. That's a modern day slap in the face.

Still today, when my supervisor tells me, "Can I talk to you for a few minutes?" I still get this feeling of impending doom. Like I'm gonna get fired or something like that.

Religiously, I am floundering around like a sheep without a shepherd. But then I came to the conclusion that all protestant churches are wrong. Because they split away from the Catholic Church. Nowhere in the Holy Bible (KJV, Bee-otch!) does it say it's ok to split up the Bride of Christ. In the Garden of Gethsenamie, Christ prays that his church to remain as one.

It makes no sense what I'm doing here. Because everybody blasts the Catholic Church. Up until about 1000 the Catholic Church was the only church. The Orthodox Church split, mostly for geographical reasons. And then in 1500 Martin Luther caused a split. Today there's about 40,000 non-Catholic sects in existence. And each one claims to hold the truth.

So where am I gonna go? To Catholic Church?

Maybe this belongs in a different forum.

Is this still an active forum? I used to post here years ago. And I was a different person. If anybody is still out there, please answer these. How have you gained sanity in your life after A.C.E.? Are you (still) religious? And if so, are you in the same religion propagated by A.C.E.? It's been awhile. hope all is well.

databass2001 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is this still an active forum? I used to post
> here years ago. And I was a different person. If
> anybody is still out there, please answer these.
> How have you gained sanity in your life after
> A.C.E.? Are you (still) religious? And if so, are
> you in the same religion propagated by A.C.E.?
> It's been awhile. hope all is well.

Still here, and I remember reading your post in 2016 and how the whole "I need to see you in my office" thing resonated. I grew up in a Catholic household and my folks are still deeply religious. Went to Catholic school for grades 1-3, but then when I was *supposedly* too "bright" and caused too many distractions, my folks sent me to somewhere that I would be "disciplined." That was to the ACE school at a Baptist church in our little town of about 13,000.

I remember my parents getting assurances that the curricula was completely non-denominational. What a laugh. Yeah, the curricula was, but everything else sure wasn't. I went there for three years and it was traumatic. Was told that I was going to hell because Catholics didn't "accept Christ." We were told that the iconography in the Catholic Churches went against the ten commandments.

They had "movie night" where they were going to show a "christian-themed" movie and families were encouraged to attend. They didn't say what the movie was ahead of time. It turned out to be a movie on the Crusades. They knew they had two Catholic families in the school, and it definitely seemed targeted at us. I didn't know any better at the time. The other family left immediately. We stayed a while, but left around half way through I think.

And then yes, there was the paddle. The pastor used intimidation to keep all of us in line. He would make sure the discipline was carried out during the middle of the day when everyone was in their seats, and us students always knew when someone was going to get it. The whole schoolroom was quiet, and then you'd hear the paddling and usually the wailing. Even if you were a good kid, one slip-up could get you the paddle. You never knew what would bring that punishment. I only got it once, but it was threatened a few times. I called some kid a name I didn't even know, but had heard other kids use.

As for modern life, I don't think anything was as damaging to me as those three years at that school. I still carry the scars with me to this day, and really don't want anything to do with religion at all. I only had one evangelical friend left some 40 years later, and given the recent election, he sent me this ridiculous screed about judgement day coming, and how he worried for my soul. He linked the "end times" with all this ridiculous QAnon BS and I told him please don't send me anything like this again. He dug in, and said I should examine myself, that I was angry and lashing out at him when really I was pissed at myself. I said no, I just don't care to engage in conspiracy theorizing. It devolved from there - gaslighting, how he knows "the truth" and that I have rejected god, etc. I will admit, it was triggering. Really triggering. I haven't healed at all, it seems.

I struggle, without religion, looking for meaning and purpose. I am 52 now and my folks still think I need to find god - probably in the Catholic Church. But I am a humanist and believe in equal rights for all. Any church that looks down at LGBTQ+ folks, or doesn't allow women to serve in some roles, is just not for me. I don't care if it is the "true" church.

I would like to find god in my life. I know some people get immense comfort from that. I try to be the best person I can be, and I fail often. But I do have the feeling that "someone is looking out for me," because although I don't have much, I have so much to be thankful and grateful for. I just wish every day I didn't feel like I am starting my day with a 50lb weight on my shoulders and a heavy wet blanket over my head.

Would love to discuss more. Perhaps I have shared too much publicly.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2021 05:23AM by SPG900.