I am a survivor of repeated sexual assault by a priest as a young, troubled teen. I recently spent years engaged in litigation, both civil and criminal, as a plaintiff seeking justice and a means to obtain adequate treatment through a settlement. In my state, there is no Statute of Limitations on such criminal offenses, however there is one with respect to civil action.

Ultimately, the diocese prevailed in dismissing the civil case based on the SOL, stating that I "simply waited too long to take action." Additionally, despite a confession, the criminal case had gone unprosecuted for almost five years, becoming the second oldest case on the books in that county.

Repeated delays and rescheduled hearings were arranged by the defendant's counsel, citing the poor health and mobility of the defendant. There are numerous examples of him taking trips to restaurants and so forth to meet various parishioners and supporters, for instance. Clearly his claims of debilitating health issues were feigned, at least more than a few times documented by evidence posted on the internet.

Ultimately, after being relocated to the area's most expensive catholic rest home—paid for by the church/diocese—emerging dementia caused the DA to dismiss the case citing "inability to participate" in legal process.

As it stands, despite the diocese's staff attorney acknowledging the situation on day one, and specifically stating "diocese is willing to pay for treatment."

So, in the aftermath of years of severe dysfunctionality, untreatable depression, PTSD symptoms, agoraphobia, social phobia and inability to earn a living, I am trying to figure out how to get support and treatment, hoping to get to a point in such I can actually enjoy what remains of my life. I want to experience the feeling of happiness that lasts longer than just one day. My quality of life has steadily degraded for 15 yrs, including 10+ psychiatric hospital admissions with some lasting over thirty days.

I've now attempted to contact the Boston Diocese's Victim Assistance director, headed by the person Pope Francis appointed as director of his Pontifical Commission to Prevent Abuse to Minors, Cardinal Sean O'Malley. He headed up the enormous Boston scandal in early 1990s.

Mr O'Malley refused to communicate with me, and the director of the program refused to do anythung other than insist I contact the bishop at the diocese who crushed me in court, and never acknowledged or apologized in any way, the confession or credible allegations I made.

I then contacted a member of the Pope's Commission, who is a very high-ranking govt member of a major country. They gave me contact info for the Commission's Segrado (secretary), Fr Robt Oliver at the Vatican.

Meanwhile I sent s fax containing a letter to Pope Francis, to every possible fax machine I could think of that the Pope's staff had access to.

Fr Robert Oliver refused to communicate with me at all, and his assistant essentially told me that the Pope's celebrated Commission did not handle individual cases. I then asked, "to whom should I direct my inquiry, then?"

Silence...

I've decided to share my story with someone in media who has an interest in stories of such abhorrent injustice, hoping that someone would be interested in telling the world how legitimate victims are REALLY treated by the catholic church, despite the tired lip service and rhetoric peddled ad infinitum.

So far I've contacted one local journalist and one international. Both expressed interest initially, but ultimately failed to follow-up.

I cannot express how suffocating it feels to go through seemingly endless injustice, bad luck, victimization and abuse only to end up now with absolutely no support, no friends, no family and what appears to be systematic pervasiveness of people turning away, with a deaf ear, to my calls for help.

Who treats people this way? Who is so intimidated by the catholic church, that they aren't willing to stand uo and advocate on behalf of a person whose life has been utterly destroyed by an institution supposedly built on compassion and love? How is it that I have become a paraiah?

I can say that since the beginning I have HAD to advocate on my own behalf, and I'm losing steam, strength and ability. I have nowhere to turn.

My daily existence is that of a somewhat emotionally frail, overwhelmed, defeated and borderline hopeless person scraping by on meager provisions, no access to real treatment, support or even basic medical resources like eyesight, hearing or several care.

This is what happens to those of us who arent lucky enough to win settlements in our courts of law. It's not a pretty sight, the shame is literally collosal. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.


This has ruined my life, damaged that of my children's lives and no one seems to have the wherewithal to stand up and not only advocate for me, but also all of the thousands of other victims whose lives were destroyed by a priest interested in satisfying a vile passion for exploitation and the control of innocent, trusting children.

This is what happens to children sexually assaulted by priests who are rejected by our legal system. We're essentially vilified because we simply "waited too long to step forward." When queried for a legitimate reason for having not come forward earlier, like mental illness for example. We're dismissed when it's suggested that indeed, mental illness is precisely what typically follows when a child, whose extremely delicate psyche and psychological constitution is at it's most vulnerable stage. What an absurd question. This is now a very well established scientifically authenticated fact.

So why is it so perplexing when a sexual assault victim, especially one victimized by a man of god... a veritable surrogate of god, an archetypal representative of god in many societies, becomes susceptible to complete dysfunctionality amongst normal society? This is a game. A game of winners, losers and those opiated by the game.

I am doing my very damned best to avoid becoming a permanent loser.

I'm posting here because I'm hoping someone, somewhere will actually possess the once popular pillars of human goodness, and reach out to me to offer their support and advocacy as I desperately fight for my survival.

Whoever you might be, reading this and noticing that something about it seems atrociously unjust and wrong, please think about your own children and what you would do to advocate on their behalf.

Because, when it comes to the tragedy of hurting children, assaulting innocent children and violating their very essense, each and every child belongs to all of the good in the world.

Without the beauty, innocence, wonder, imagination and presence of children in our world, what kind of a society would we be left with?

Please, if you know how I might find true support, help or advocacy, consider contacting me by posting a comment or sending a PM.

Of course I encourage all comments, unless of course it is your intention to denigrate me. I've had just about enough of that.

Thank you so very much for reading my post, and please keep me in your thoughts.

Help for survivors:[www.snapnetwork.org]

I don't know if you've found help, though I hope so. I'm in a neighboring state.