One thing to do re your friend is set some ground rules.
If she is 'concerned' about you, she should act like a grown up and contact you directly.
Its childish to go running around and contacting others. And in fact, by her doing htat, she's not respecting your privacy.
So one way to clean it up is to tell her to call you first and not involve third parties. Tell her to contact YOU, or at most, you can designate one other person, just one, she can check in with if she cannot easily reach you.
If she gives you hissy fits or tantrums, she may not be someone you want to continue to have in your life. If you're digging out of an economic slump, coping with someone like this can be a drag.
2) If you need to preserve your sleep, you are not
obligated to respond to phone calls or emails or tweets before a certain hour in the morning, or after a certain hour at night.
3) You are under no obligation to disclose personal information. In fact, if this friend tends to be a gossipy 'drama queen' type, dont tell her anything if you want it to remain private.
4) If she wants to chatter to you about a third party who is not present to give his her side of the story, its wise to refuse.
5) If she wants to go to some great new event or workshop or presentation, tell her to give you the name of it, so you can fact check it first.
If you do go, decide in advance that you will not remain there past a certain hour. Some gigs intentionally start late, so as to keep people past their bedtimes.
IF anyone starts a program more than 20 minuts late, they dont respect your time and energy and you have every right to decide they are flakes. This not only applies to cults but also to dates.
(Now that I am middle aged, I deeply regret that it took me so long to figure out that anyone who runs 20 to 30 minutes late is a dweeb and that I should refuse to associate with 'em)
Doesnt matter how charming, funny, or sexy someone is. If they run late---walk the fuck out.
Keep your checkbook or credit card at home. Use your own transportation so you are not dependent on her for a ride back home. That way, if you need to leave on your own, you can do so, and keep control over your life.
(If you dont have a car, take enough cash for cab fare)
Finally, keep control of your car keys, cell/mobile phone and checkbook.
All this will serve you well, for the rest of your life.
BTW for eduction here is a long list of redflags from a lovely website called Heartless Bitches
Though most items carry the masculine pronoun, they apply just as well to women.
Finally, if any of this seems hard to do, therapy might be a help. You might not even need to be in it for long.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/09/2009 01:38AM by corboy.