oneness, narcissism, enmeshment
Posted by: besee ()
Date: June 07, 2008 04:30AM

I'm interested in hearing people's thoughts about the concept of Oneness and how it relates to emotional incest, narcissism, enmeshment

I don't get what the big appeal for Oneness is. And some people who I know who are into it seem to be narcissistc and have poor boundaries, yet they think separateness is what causes war.

Violating my boundaries is what pisses me off enough to be aggressive - and this mushy we are all one feels like they are only aware of their own ego and are projecting their ego onto everyone else

it doesn't feel like community where diversity and autonomy are respected

it feels emeshed and controlling

I read somewhere on the net about "the onesidedness of oneness" and now I can't find the reference

anyway, interested in hearing others views, thoughts

nothing like having someone I perceive as abusive preach the importance of oneness - it seems like they are trying to control

am I missing something, taking the term too literally?

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Re: oneness, narcissism, enmeshment
Posted by: trust ()
Date: July 03, 2008 04:43AM

I was part of a church who's pastor wrote a book called, "Our Common Oneness". I did not read it, but the practice of that group (I'm no longer involved in it) was that, essentially, oneness meant agreement with them. If you didn't, you were in rebellion against God - pretty much and ostracized or worse.

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Re: oneness, narcissism, enmeshment
Posted by: Shaking My Head ()
Date: July 11, 2008 11:32PM

Boundaries are necessary for a healthy life, for me personally. There's a thin line between feeling oneness and feeling intruded upon or having your personal boundaries violated. I just think of it as we are here in our bodies for a reason. Our bodies definitely have boundaries (bone, skin, flesh) and we have to respect that we are set up this way here on planet earth for a reason. I think people can rationalize anything if they want as far as "their" need for oneness. I think if you feel something, then respect it--regardless of what other people are trying to convey--for their own needs.

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Re: oneness, narcissism, enmeshment
Posted by: GEB ()
Date: December 09, 2008 06:29AM

Thanks for posting this besee. I think alot of you have alot of courage posting your stories. That is very interesting about"oneness", it's deffinatley something I have experienced and do not care for one bit. I will be on the lookout for it though.
Also on the subject of boundries. I read a great book called Boundires With Teens. I would deffinately reccomend it.

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Re: oneness, narcissism, enmeshment
Posted by: Sallie ()
Date: December 09, 2008 10:03PM

Brilliant. What a helpful resource your words are going to be for me. I still have to occassionally deal with manipulative cult members. You make an excellent point. Violating boundaries IS what causes aggressive behavior.
And cult gurus like to use the makes no sense... If they really do believe the Bible then how do they explain the fact that in the very first book of Genesis.... when men united together to build the tower of Babel...God said ''no way'' and seperated and scattered them. Why do supposed Bible believers preach this ''oneness'' garbage....??

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Re: oneness, narcissism, enmeshment
Posted by: newagesurvivor ()
Date: December 30, 2008 12:00AM

I read somewhere on the net about "the onesidedness of oneness" and now I can't find the reference

The One-Sidedness of Oneness is one chapter in a book called The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power by Joel Kramer and Diana Alstad (North Atlantic Books, 1993).

Thanks Besee for your post. I googled 'the onesidedness of oneness' and found an excerpt from that book which I found very excellent indeed. I'll just have to order the whole book and read it. Here's a link to the excerpt called Assault on Reason. It's just two pages PDF-file.

The Assault on Reason from the Guru Papers

There might be more interesting and useful stuff on their internet page (, but since I just found that site I cannot really tell yet.

Gurus, authorities, narcissists, abusers, dominators etc they all seem to have common themes, beliefs, practices and excuses for themselves, as they go on victimizing other people. I think it's very important that we could address and challenge those underlying patters that they all have in common. In that way we might some day be able to get rid of all the abuse and domination.

What makes intelligent, post-modern feminists and otherwise radical thinkers submit themselves to spiritual gurus for instance? I mean, one should know better. I myself definitely should have been able to do that (regarding new age), but for some reason I was way too confused to be really able to do that normal thing. Authoritarian ways can be very covert and hidden, and as long as we don't fully recognize them we can lose our way, and ourselves, and become their victims.

In my opinion it is indeed authoritarian power in itself and in all its manifestations that should be made visible (through research and scrutiny). I really don' t see any other way to free oneself from cults, cultlike behavior or environments, and the often covertly abusive persons who maintain their domination over others through them.

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