The latest from Exposing Predators website. Thanks again, Fighter.
Two tiny exerpts from a great article
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cyberpaths.blogspot.com]
(note from corboy. The Rule of Three is good. However, someone once said, if someone lies to you once about something supremely important, such as concealing previous marriages (or an ongoing one), children from a previous marriage, history of crime, health status, history of serious mental illness (as in they take their medication only to stay stable long enough to get you involved and then once they marry you they go off their meds or re-activate their addictions...if its a single lie about something as important as this--dont even wait for the rule of three. RUN.)Quote
3 - When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has.
Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead.
Two may involve a serious mistake.
But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the lynchpin of conscienceless behavior.
Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly.
Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
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(PS If someone claims there is no such thing as absolute truth, or in some 'separate reality' truth vs lies dont matter, or that its through lies that some higher truth is revealed--run like frigging hell or they'll make you as crazy as they are.)
7 - Do not join the game.
Intrigue is a sociopath's tool.
Resist the temptation to compete with a seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, psychoanalyze, or even banter with him.
In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting yourself from what is really important, which is to protect yourself.
Amateur psychoanalyzing is a form of 'intrigue.' A lot of psychopaths con us into mourning their wounded miserable childhoods for them.
We get conned into fretting about the buried humanity of the abuser, caring more about their 'potential' and thier 'latent talent'
than about our own current well being.Many of these crooks hang around in therapy just long enough to learn its concepts so as to run mind games and con good hearted people into parenting them.
Or, those who think they've escaped from a con artists clutches spend YEARS trying to psychoanalyze the con artist, as if the person had some stable core or conscience.
If someone begs you to help them figure things out, tell them to work on it.
If they beg you to recommend a shrink, dont do it. Let them find one.
If they beg for one more chance to 'make amends'
tell them,
'To make amends, treat your next (partner, spouse employee, etc) better than you treated me.'
DONT TRY TO FIGURE THESE PEOPLE OUT
JUST GET AWAY FROM THEM AND KEEP UPGRADING YOUR OWN BS DETECTOR.
Years ago, I met a clinical psychologist who was a forensic practitioner. He evaluated people in the prison system--hard core people, serving serious time.
He said he had met virtually no one in the prison population capable of admitting any agency/responsibility for having done something that had landed them in prison.
I asked him how he kept from being charmed and conned.
'Because we have their records' the clinican replied. 'A guy can be
lying like hell to me, be utterly convincig, but I have his rap sheet and it describes what he did to other people.'
The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication.
The only truly effective method for dealing with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from your life altogether.
Sociopaths live completely outside of the social contract, and therefore to include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous.
Begin this exclusion of them in the context of your own relationships and social life.
You will not hurt anyone's feelings. Strange as it seems, and though they may try to pretend otherwise, sociopaths do not have any such feelings to hurt.
You may never be able to make your family and friends understand why you are avoiding a particular individual. Sociopathy is surprisingly difficult to see, and harder to explain. Avoid him/ her anyway.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/23/2008 11:39PM by corboy.