Horribly abused by a controlling woman named Cherie Aills
Date: April 12, 2006 11:18AM
Posted: 03-29-2006 10:12 PM Post subject: A story to educate. See more stories of Cherie the abuser
In June of 2005 Cherie told me again that we had to be apart. That I was harming her by being in her presence.
We were in Arkansas at the time, had been traveling and exploring and were staying in a motel for about a week.
One night in the motel as I massaged her she asked if wished to make love. I was so shocked that I nearly fell over. A few months after we first got together and made love she had played the game of we aren’t supposed to make love. It killed me then as I thought something were wrong. I thought I should leave. She told me she was so glad I didn’t, that she so respected me and loved me and was glad I was doing the work so that I could be near her.
So I stopped asking. And almost immediately we resumed making love a couple times a week on average. If it was supposed to happen it would be organic and divine. And if not she was to come to me, not me to her, so she said. So I went along. Each time I was the greatest lover, most adored and then boom darkness took over or my ego predatored her or I was not present or whatever. On and on it went, until any time we made love I was so scared that her source would say it was a bad thing and I would be punished that I didn’t know what to do. She even went as far as convincing me and others(my ex wife Debbie) that when someone thought about her sexually that this was what made her horny and therefore since I and others desired her hence her dillema.
Anyway, the night in the motel we made love, we went for a bike ride afterward and she told me again that we weren’t supposed to be doing this. She showed how upset she was and could not understand why source disaalowed this other than if we were to ascend we had to shed all humanness. (A sidenote is that she told me in December of 2005 months later that the next man she made love to would be her husband and that due to the work she had done she would be
again a virgin and as she laughed she said a very experienced one)
The bike ride after lovemaking that night left me again sickened all over. But again she avowed that we would figure this out. We got back to the motel after biking and eating dinner and sang songs as usual and hugged and snuggled and just were grateful. We kissed goodnight and I went to my room. That night I had nightmares and was competely disheveld. I woke to her knocking at my door. She asked how I slept and I said rough that I was trying to get grounded using meditation and I saw on her displeasure. She cut me off amid my explanation of the night and said that it didn’t surprise her how I felt, that she’d been kicking my ass all night. Again I went white as a sheet and nearly passed out. She said that when we had kissed goodnight that I had touchd her butt and that I would never do so again. That she had been disrepected for the last time. I should have been used to this but I wasn’t. She went on to say that the darkness in me had again taken advantage of her and turned her on while massaging her.
And so we had to be apart...again...and she was leaving right now. And she did. When I tried to talk she said to go away and then as I walked to her car she said she loved me and to not call that she would call me. I died again in that parking lot that day. And I again drove back toward Illinois, this time I at least got angry and cussed a bit though.
I tried calling a couple times the next day but no answer. When I did get through to her and asked what the heck now, she told me again it was darkness harming her and that each time I failed to honor her request it allowed the darkness to exist in me.
I finally gave up and made it back to Paxton only to find my ex wife and kids happy to see me and started having some fun with them. I stayed with my friend Chris in my house which he was renting at the time. A week or so after being back, I was still scared but at least enjoying life a bit. When one morning Debbie and I made love for the first time since were divorced. That afternoon I got a phone call from Cherie and she was howling, She screamed I hope you had fun! I hope you enjoyed yourself...I immediately assumed she knew about Debbie and I as I was convinced as was Cherie that we had psychic powers. When Maryalice the exit counselor that unlocked me showed me that she knew nothing, that all Cherie had to do was scream at me or start to cry and blame me. This was my first unlocking and it dawned on me that this was how she gathered what she knew. Just as a hypnotist snaps his fingers, she wailed or criticized or blamed and I immeciatley went into an altered state and just filled in the blanks as to what I did. All she did then was validate what I told her. I said to her in the altered state that Debbie and I made love and she just said, “She knew, she knew and why did I think she called” that I had predatored Debbie and because she (Cherie) represented the divine feminine that I had harmed her through what I did to Debbie. I immediately went running to Debbie to apologize and she wouldn’t buy it. She said I did nothing to her. That she was an active participant and had wanted to make love. I still wouldn’t buy it and shut down. So much so that the next day, Debbie came to see me and she couldn’t touch me. I just curled up in a ball and told her that I could not be near anyone, that I would harm them.
This was a short intro so that you can understand what happened next.
A few days passed and I moved out of the house into a shed out back. During which time I tried contacting Cherie only to find her wailing and completely distraught. Each time I talked to her to apologize and console her I got worse.
I got a phone call out of the blue one morning and Cherie dictated these rules I was to follow:
I type them here but on the morning she called I hand wrote them in a leather bound journal. I wrote the guidelines and rules verbatim.
June 4 2005
This Journal is to document what I am achieveing and have achieved.
1) It is to record how I break the cycle of my ego that stole information to gain domination over the weaker ones.
2) It is to record how I break the cycle of sexuality being my momma.
3) This process is cleansing and clearing.
4) This transforms loneliness into a more sold me--an appreciation for the physical plane in a manner that is other than sexual.
5) It stops me from running to someone.
6) It stops self mutilation.
HOW I AM TO ACCOMPLISH THIS
1) Abstinence from sexuality--No masturbation, thoughts, physical acts, nothing sexual or sensual--look away or change thoughts or remove myself immediately.
2) I will only communicate with Cherie through my best friend Chris and or my mother.
I am to tell them that I have received information from Cherie in the past and can only receive through them now. What I have been given by Cherie has helped me heal thus far but in order to overcome more parts of the ego that harms self and others I have to get it through them.
3) I am not to give Debbie any information! She can call Cherie.
4)My mom needs to be heard
5) If I glean any information from Cherie through mom or Chris all parties will be compensated. (I paid them each time they wold call her for me even though they thought I was nuts)
6) If I interact with Dr Kopacz (A psychiatrist that long ago had perscribed anti depressants for me) he could do energy work on me but I was not to talk to him about anything--no ego as she put it--and he can call Cherie if needed.
7) Stay in the moment--work--take pictures--stay busy productive. Enjoy nature sunsets sunrises. If I talk to anyone, only small talk, only surface talk.
Let cycle with Debbie play out--If Debbie asks--I am abstaining to break the cycle of my ego that harms other people.
9) I can be anywhere but Texas.
10) I can get no information from Debra or Rose (friends of mine in Texas) only from Cherie through mom or Chris.
11) If I interact with the Catholic church or other entity--I am abstaining to conquer ego--I have someone providing divine guidance.
12) My diet: Daily--Minimum 1/2 gal water--veggies and fruit--dark green especially. (Note here--no protein)
13) I am to not ask of my own guidance.
14) I am not to stop taking Lorazepam unless I consult with Dr Kopacz unless I am ok without it.
15) I am to memorize the ten commandments, New King James version, these are the snake killers.
16) I am to forget everything about right and wrong for this part of the journey. My ego has used it for gratification.
17) I am to send Cherie something that says Respect and honor--I am to make it by hand.
1 I am to pay attention to beauty--nature, water, trees, grass, whatever feels good in nature.
19) If I see an animal copulating--darkness is trying to keep me
20) If I can’t accomplish this where I am at, go somewhere else.
21) Write down my dreams but do not share them.
22) Sage and three white candles for independence.
23) Anytime and 8 appears, I am making choices that cause others harm.
24) Do not interpret signs or signal or dreams (from the universe)
25) If I get a zap write it down. (A zap is when cherie spoke a truth or when I ran across a truth and it zapped me) Actually it is when we get triggered.
26) I am to do lots of documenting but no translation.
27) I am to do physcal labor
2 I can run busy programs for work. (Busy programs ware what the normal human does)
29) I am not to give or receive massage
30) I am to draw when I document.
31) I am not to deal with past debts at this time. (this is cleaning up Karma)
32) I am only to do even exchanges--If it isn’t an even exchange, it’s a no go.
33) If I am sexual in dreams, remember I control the dream--don’t kick myself--just remember I am in control.
34) When my self worth is suffering it is just a side effect and will not last.