Re: controlling relationships
Date: December 16, 2007 12:25PM
Daytripper: Often when people try to break away from an abusive person, especially a parent, they find themselves disappointed that the person continues to act the way they do. Your mother is what she is and right now SHE is not changing, you are.
Anybody who tries to insist that you reconcile with your mother so early in the game needs to have their head shaken! Possible contact shouldn't occur until well after you feel stable, which will take years.
It must be very, very difficult to deal with this kind of thing when it involves your mother, the person who you instinctually want to follow, who you look to for guidance.
You must try to break away and take care of yourself. Self-care in recovery is on all levels; do your best to look after yourself emotionally, physically and mentally. Eat healthy, sleep lots, remove extra stressors in your life as much as possible (ie. too much volunteer work), nurture yourself as much as you can.
It's okay to go through a huge range of emotions while you are dealing with this. Sometimes it'll feel like it's too much, and that's okay too. People will often tell you that you shouldn't feel this way, or you should do this, or you should feel that way... Never mind, it's you, your life and your recovery. Wherever you are at, is okay. (unless things start looking homicidal or suicidal, in which case you better get medical help!)
Good luck, don't expect an easy ride, but I promise you, if you keep putting one foot in front of the other and working on breaking away from your mother's influence, it will eventually get easier. You'll never get "over" it -- you'll grow around it, rather -- but it will be easier to live with. As you define your own self and your own life you will find it easier to cope with your mother issues.