If I were you, I would take my child and get the heck out of Dodge like yesterday. If the baby's not born yet, don't tell them when/if it's born, don't tell them the baby's name. This woman is dangerous. She could get a wild hare up her butt and decide that God told her to take the baby and sell him in Argentina, or worse, she could get it in her head that God wants the baby as a sacrifice. I'm not really trying to scare you, but kinda... cuz you got to get away from these people. Look, I'm all about loving God and devoting my life to Him. That doesn't mean I'm going to walk around claiming God talks to me, tells me things... that is a form of psychosis I've heard termed as religiosity. It is kind of like schizophrenia, manifesting as religious belief... and it's SO dangerous. Do not EVER let this woman touch your child. EVER.

I know it's probaby too late now, but I would love it if you would post and tell us the outcome of your predicament. I hope all is well with you and your baby.

Oh and the guy... big fat L on his forehead. Is that REALLY the kind of father you want your child to have? Biology schmiology... blood don't mean dick when your child is in danger from insane people.

Take your baby and flee, little mama. Best wishes to you.

What advice can anyone give me regarding an abusive and controlling relationship with a parent? Most of the info I can find is related to spousal abuse. I am an adult woman who has been in the process of breaking away from my mother for the last 3 years. She has abused me emotionally and spiritually most of my life (telling me that she could sense demons in me and trying to cast them out etc., any and all doubt was from the devil, she taught me indirectly that I was somehow sinful and had to work to try and correct any sinful behavior and so much more) I have had some co-dependency therapy which helped, but after reading about coercive persuasion I am convinced that the issues I have had with my mother go far deeper than standard co-dependency. I have been able to strongly identify with most of the criteria for thought reform. I was convinced by the counselor to forgive my mother and in the process I started to reconcile with her only to be betrayed again. I am very disillusioned and angry especially with God. I feel betrayed by him as well. I tried to do what I thought was "the right thing" and I only got abused again. I feel very lost like everything I was taught to believe was a lie. I feel like I have no ground to stand on. I can't even pray anymore and I'm scared. Can anyone give me some advice or encouragement?

I was in one with a female who was an ex-Sterling grad. From being subservient, she became an abuser. Mean bitch, physically violent like a mofo.

How I got out? My wits, the luck of the draw, and understanding the DSM-IV TR on Borderline Personality Disorder.

Wow! I'm glad you got out. Maybe I should do some research on that personality disorder. I have suspected for awhile that she is a very Narcissistic person, but I've never looked into borderline personality that sounds interesting.

Thanks for the advice

Daytripper: Often when people try to break away from an abusive person, especially a parent, they find themselves disappointed that the person continues to act the way they do. Your mother is what she is and right now SHE is not changing, you are.

Anybody who tries to insist that you reconcile with your mother so early in the game needs to have their head shaken! Possible contact shouldn't occur until well after you feel stable, which will take years.

It must be very, very difficult to deal with this kind of thing when it involves your mother, the person who you instinctually want to follow, who you look to for guidance.

You must try to break away and take care of yourself. Self-care in recovery is on all levels; do your best to look after yourself emotionally, physically and mentally. Eat healthy, sleep lots, remove extra stressors in your life as much as possible (ie. too much volunteer work), nurture yourself as much as you can.

It's okay to go through a huge range of emotions while you are dealing with this. Sometimes it'll feel like it's too much, and that's okay too. People will often tell you that you shouldn't feel this way, or you should do this, or you should feel that way... Never mind, it's you, your life and your recovery. Wherever you are at, is okay. (unless things start looking homicidal or suicidal, in which case you better get medical help!)

Good luck, don't expect an easy ride, but I promise you, if you keep putting one foot in front of the other and working on breaking away from your mother's influence, it will eventually get easier. You'll never get "over" it -- you'll grow around it, rather -- but it will be easier to live with. As you define your own self and your own life you will find it easier to cope with your mother issues.

Take care.

What wonderful advice. My favorite bit was the one where you said you will not get over it you will grow around it. That seems so much more realistic to me. Very wise and reassuring.

I have recently been waking up to the fact (and your post confirms it) that I do need to take care of myself. I am important and am a worthwhile human being. My husband and I talk openly and last night we decided that I am going to look for a new job because the one I'm in now is very stressful. It's not a good fit for me. This is a big step for me because normally I would just continue to let myself get beat up thinking it's good for me to "humble" myself. I have also been working on my thinking. I have been taught to look at life in a very black and white, all or nothing way. I'm am slowly becoming aware of my thoughts when they are self defeating and starting to change them. Instead of thinking,
" My job is stressful because I'm no good at it-I'll never be any good at anything."
I've been replacing those thoughts with,
"This is how you learn. You try something new, you find out you are not that good at it and you move on and try again. Just because you are not good at this job doesn't mean you are not good at anything"
It's been very helpful to realize that I have options. It's not all or nothing. There are several different ways of looking at any one issue and I feel more hopeful since I've been thinking differently.


Thank you so much for your valuable input I am not going to give up.

Daytripper1964,

The worst part about cult-like relationships is that no one really knows what goes on in one. From therapists to friends, even to other relatives, you get a lot of platitudes about forgiveness, taking the good with the bad, etc., and then from the therapists you get the codependent label.

If you basically grew up in a cult, you grew up where your reality was screwed with, you may not have acquired life skills, emotional skills, etc. These shortages are not codependency!

I was just discussing PTSD with a fellow forum member here. A radio program I listened to yesterday talked about how not being heard was worse than the trauma. When I went to my first therapist after getting away from an abusive doctor, the first thing he asked was why was I so codependent? Just like that. It made me feel like I was truly stupid for allowing the psychological and physical abuse that happened via meds, to occur.

There is a lot to read on the RR home page. www.CSJ.org also has resources. Keep posting here too, if you wish. If what you read strikes a chord with you, study it further.

Hope

Oh you are sooooo right! When I was in therapy my counselor addressed every issue as co-dependency. It helped to an extent, but it wasn't until I started reading about cults and cult-like relationships that everything started to make more sense to me. The issues I've had go far deeper than co-dependency and now FINALLY I know why. The first step for me and one of the most liberating has been addressing the phobias. Even after counseling I was still terrified I was going to hell. Now that I have been studying phobias, researching this site, learning relaxation techniques etc. The phobias are one by one lifting. For the first time in my life I am beginning to feel hope! I am doing so much better even since I first posted on this forum. I have had such good advice from people it is very encouraging. I am free for the first time to decide what I believe about God and life, prayer, the bible etc and it is scary, but exciting.

You are also correct about my reality being distorted and not having good life skills. I have a wonderful husband and family who all understand what I have been through and are tremendously supportive so thankfully I have a great support system. My biggest problem has been adjusting to living in society especially the work force. I get stepped on all the time because I have been taught to be helpless, but that is changing! I am in the process of taking a course on becoming more assertive. I am also learning about black and white thinking and how to change from an all or nothing mindset. This site has been a tremendous asset to me. To know I am not the only one is a great comfort. To know the truth about what a cult like relationship is has given me the power to begin to break free.

Thank you for all the good insight!

[forum.culteducation.com]

This is a post from a thread a couple notches down. You will probably find some things in here that are helpful.

thank you that was extremely helpful!