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jewels36305
Hi everyone, I am doing a research paper on the after effects of cults, and whether or not a shelter would help. I have some questions for those of you that have been involved in a cult or fundamentalist group if you don't mind answering them.
I would appreciate anything you have to say.
If you can think of anything else to add please do. This is something I am also thinking of doing in the future, and I would like to know if it will be worthwhile to open a shelter for ex-cult members.
If you can remember, answer the questions in the way you felt at the time you were going through these steps.
Please let me know more about your plans to open a shelter.
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jewels36305
Why did you leave? What influenced you etc.?
I became overwhelmed by the delibrate deception and childish deadly constant obstacle courses set up by the cult leader to provoke reactions that would later be twisted to find fault with me as a person. I grew tired of being put down for being human. I grew tired of being labeled arrogant because I spoke my mind and didn't pull punches. I grew tired of always being labeled wrong and needing to become humble. I grew tired of the unwanted attention and fanfare by those who were deeply indoctrinated into the cult doctrine needing to know everything about me. I grew tired of having to meet the approval of strangers. I am a very private person and felt deeply violated by the curiousity and intrusions of the members who seemed dazzled by me.
I grew tired of the insecurity and picking and poking by the women in the cult. I grew tired of being insulted and constantly subjected to being questioned about my intentions when I had none. I grew tired of constantly having to explain my right of being and defend my self-esteem against belittling attempts. I grew tired of dealing with unhealthy and unhappy people who constantly projected their issues unto me and were making me sick by being among them. I grew tired of fighting a system who's survivial is predicated upon the subjugation and degradation of women. I grew tired of dealing with menatlly ill, broken and shattered men who had no business being in position of authority.
I grew tired of being labeled as an "love interest" of a man I never really knew who is the leader of the group in the area I once lived. He would hint to others about having a personal interest in me but would never tell me. I was viciously attacked by other women in the cult and recieved unwanted interest by some men in the cult because of his interest in me and to this day I have not been able to escape this cloud placed over my head.
I grew tired of the constant problems and bickering and never ending chaos and no progress when the group promised one would achieve success if they believed. I grew tired of my life accomplishments seperate from the cult being flushed down the toliet by being involved in group projects.
The final straw for me to break away in the beginning was when I began experiencing bouts of poverty (no money) and stopped paying attention to my personal responsibilities as the bottomless pit needs of the group was encouraged to be seen as more important than my personal needs and responsibilites. The leaders wanted for me to lose everything in order to twist it into spiritual trials and awakenings.
I grew tired of being manipulated by strangers who constantly asked of me but never gave in return. I grew tired of the hope instilling methods and empty promises. I grew tired of plans being made behind my back where everyone knew what was being planned for me but me. I grew tired of being toyed with and constantly challenged for no reason other than to aggravate me. I grew tired of the verbal abuse. I grew tired of others thinking I wanted fame in their cult when I did everything to escape the limelight in the cult. I grew tired of not being accepted for being me.
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jewels36305
What was the hardest step you had to take to leave?
Come to terms with the fact that I didn't belong. I was chasing a childhood dream. I thought by my being black american and my heart being good, sincere, and in the right place was good enough to be among these people.
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jewels36305
What was the hardest thing to get over? Or something you are still trying to get over?
The deception. I will never forgive the deception. They tired to destroy my life for no reason. I gave them life and they in return tried to give me death.
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jewels36305
Would you have gone to a shelter if needed?
No. I have family and friends. I had a support system to catch me before falling to deeply.
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jewels36305
Did you think about or want help when you left?
Yes. All i could think about was legal avenues to get these people back for committing crimes against me. I wanted justice.
If yes, why didn't you get help?
The fox wasn't worth the chase.
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jewels36305
Have you or do you think about getting help now?
No. I think about being of help for others who do not have a support system and have not acquired my knowledge on how cults work.
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jewels36305
Would you have gone to a shelter for help if there was one for people leaving cults?
No.
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jewels36305
Would it make it easier to go if it were ran by an ex-cult member?
I think so.
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jewels36305
What has helped you overcome the most since you have left?
Reading, talking, exchanging information about my experiences. Studying those who are still actively involved in cult groups or believe in the dogma from my former cult group has given me insight and indepth understanding. I have a become a watcher over cult groups as i see a connection to slavery in the history of black america and has deepened my eyes and hearing.
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jewels36305
If you have ever left and gone back why did you go back?
I never returned. Recently I thought about returning but realized that it is what it is and my good heart with all the wonderful intentions in the world would have never changed the fact that i do not belong.
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jewels36305
If you joined a cult why did you join? What appealed to you most?
I have childhood connections to this particular cult. But lost active involvement due too the cults history of going out of business. I returned 20 years later as an adult completely ignorant of exactly what some of my family members decades prior were actually involved in.
Currently, I am studying the reason particular family members joined in the 1960s under the original leader because nothing in their family background or adult lives match the profile of people this cult recruited among or designed its doctrine to appeal to.
Great Questionaire! :D