As mentioned earlier I’m glad you are doing well and will get better man it’s tough and similarly I got into This new age spirituality and meditation due to excess anxiety I have struggled with all my life. It led to me to seek meditation as a tool to help my anxiety go away or calm myself because of these are how they are promoted as they never tell you all the mind bending grueling idiotic philosophies that go along with it. It’s the practices along with the philosophy that makes it all real but it’s not I am two and a half years into my experience and one year into my recovery try and it’s been going with it took a lot of medication and therapy to get to where I am at. I like you did like I lost everything felt into a black hole and get as if I lost my mind. I’m sorry you went through that and had to encounter the trauma. You will overcome it and became a stronger person my friend. Thank you again for sharing yo it story. I wanted to ask a couple more questions if you don’t mind. Do you feel like you recovered your sense of self and recovers from the emotional numbness of these cultish bullshit techniques teach? If you don’t mind how did you overcome it find the proper help to get you through your experience I know not many people know about this bull crap my therapist I think never grasped what I was going through I went on until I on my own felt better and at that point that’s when my therapist stepped in to help with a better functioning brain?

Right so, in terms of recovering a sense of self, a big thing for me was learning to assert my ego. Yes, that's right, ASSERT my EGO - in contravention of the New Age nostrum that ego must be eliminated.

In practice, this meant getting back in touch with the things I like and enjoy. No longer feeling guilty about saying, I like this, I want that. It also meant, perhaps most importantly of all, learning to draw boundaries and REJECT unpleasant and harmful things. I guess my choice of username, PowerofNo, reflects how even in that very early stage in my recovery I already had an inkling that 'No' was one word I badly needed to learn. And so it proved.

But it took time. In fact, I would say it's an ongoing process. I let a lot of very harmful things invade my personal space very early on in life - Eckhart Tolle was only the straw that broke the camel's back, really - so we're talking very deeply ingrained habits and attitudes here.

But yeah, learning to draw boundaries and to stand up for myself, has gradually dissipated the worst of the dissociation. I still get a bit of it from time to time, but at a frequency and intensity that is much more livewithable.