Luz, I realize this is months late, and I hope you are having a better time of things. With regard to something you said:The Gohonzon put me in those life conditions to improve myself and I had to fight without doing any personal strategy (that is small ego), one day, the results would come.
This attitude is not Buddhism. I know, it's SGI and Nichiren Buddhism, but it's not consistent with the sutras or with even the four Noble Truths.
For example, one of the Four Noble Truths is that attachment causes suffering. Feeling you must "improve yourself" demonstrates that you have an attachment to being someone other than who you are. We don't have to "fight". We don't have to "prove ourselves". We already have survived. We exist! Buddhism is not about constantly struggling against reality; Buddhism is about accepting reality and recognizing that you can be *fine* with reality as it is. You do not need to bend reality to your will. Though many people regard Buddhism as a life-long practice, that is actually evidence of attachment, and we all know that attachment causes suffering. Doesn't matter what kind of attachment it is - if you feel you need (fill in the blank) to be happy/successful/fulfilled, that's attachment - and delusion!
I would like to recommend a few sites that I think will help:
Review the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path - pretty much every sect of Buddhism agrees on these: This isn't my favorite source, but it will have to do :/
This is an intro article that nicely covers the basics: Introduction - click this
In the SGI, we were taught that the Lotus Sutra, supposedly Shakyamuni Buddha's "highest teaching", tells us to "close, discard, ignore, reject" all the other sutras. The Lotus Sutra was first written in the 1st Century CE. If the Buddha was as early as people think, why did it take so many hundreds of years for his "highest teaching" to even be written down in the first place? One of Buddhism's strengths is that it is almost exclusively tolerant and magnanimous. But the Nichiren Buddhisms are intolerant. That alone should tell you something very important about this variant of Buddhism.
For example, from the Kalama Sutra (which you can read here for yourself if you like)
, we find this idea being expressed:“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”
THIS ^ is consistent with "Follow the Law, not the Person."
Look at what Nichiren and Presidents Makiguchi and Toda said/wrote about winning and losing:Buddhism is win or lose.
Now look at what the Buddha supposedly wrote:Winning gives birth to hostility. Losing, one lies down in pain. The calmed lie down with ease, having set winning and losing aside.
Which of those sounds more, well, Buddhist?
In the SGI, people are encouraged to "chant for what you want" and to decide an outcome to a scenario and then chant to get that outcome. This is incompatible with the Buddhist attitude of accepting reality as it is and recognizing that circumstances do not define us or determine whether we can be happy or not.
Above all, Buddhism is about accepting yourself and others as you are. If you are experiencing something else, it's not Buddhism.