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backnforth
Chooselife:
What's next?
Maybe you can start by making a list of all the ways you would spend your time if you weren't attending the many meetings and home visits I assume you were attending.
I would just try to do a lot of relaxing things for now; things you enjoy.
Will you give up chanting too? Saying goodbye to Buddhism or just SGI? They are 2 different things - do you agree?
Good luck. You will do fine and your world will open up. True friends will stay in touch and base the friendship on other things in common.
backnforth:
thank you so much! im not sure about chanting, or religion in general. i left my gohonzon up, but i tore down all the other stuff on the altar: daimoku campaign card, photos of prez ikeda and wife, my join certificate, all gone. all thats left is my butsudan and gohonzon, and all the other altar-type stuff. i cant even open it like i used to, with such ease. ill keep it up until i decide once and for all that chanting is for me. i like to chant, it clears my head, but i dont think it is the only way to meditate/concentrate/gain enlightenment.
ive been reading an objective book about buddhism, just to see if its really something i want in my life, and to learn more about shakyamuni. i like the faith alot, but i feel like i will be practicing alone alot. not that im committing to anything theravada, but needless to say, mahayana is kind of not on my radar either for obvious reasons. im just going to do as much research as i can, and make an INFORMED decision (aka- google search any group the first DAY i hear about it and not 2 years in)
i really could not have done this without all of you talking so openly about your experiences and making me realize how NOT crazy i am. someday soon i will really let it all out, but for now, i think im going to start learning how to have control over my life again.
thank you.