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lthomas
@tsukimoto Yes!! it is so true to listen to your inner-voice when something is not right. If that is one thing that this experience has taught me is to listen to that voice of reason. I can recall all of the times that I went to a leader's meeting and member care seeing members misbehave. I was always upfront and direct with my "sponsor", yet every time all she said was, "well it's only people working out their kharma from past lives" or something of that nature. I would always reply that it was wrong and that this organization was no excuse for anyone to put up with anyone's treatment such as this or that directed towards them". Looking back on it now, I realized that she was trying to keep me in by saying that, "did your mother or father or sister's give up on you when you treated them wrong"? I felt trapped because I had shared so many personal things with her and she knew that I only mistreated my little sister at times because I had suffered at the hands of physical and emotional abuse from both my mother and father, therefore I put up with a lot of crap from people within the organization as a result of this. I was often told that this was my kharma coming back to me. That is how this organization used people they really did prey on our emotions. The favorite phrase for people to use when going through something was " I in the world of hell"(the ten worlds) or I am suffering or struggling. I cannot even bring myself to use these words right now, and will definitely never ever use the words the "ten worlds" anymore. As far as the chanting it helped with my anxiety a little yet I could never concentrate on one thing for more than 10 mins. I never shared this with anyone but I remember a YWD stating that, when we chant without a centered goal in our minds then we are letting the "devilish functions" get to us. I must of rolled my eyes a thousand times, because I knew despite the fact that people chanted for an hour or more I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that it was impossible for them to concentrate (without any other thoughts popping up into mind that) on that "new car" or "new job.
Dear lthomas:
There are two types of chanting meditation, the Daimoku of contemplation where you let your thoughts arise and fall away and the Daimoku of prayer. As far as the Daimoku of prayer, it is possible to remain focused when praying for something of deep significance [to you], for example, the death of a family member or best friend, food when there is no bread on the table, or shelter when you have no place to stay. It is next to impossible to remain focused on something of lesser significance for more than twenty minutes or so. 10 minutes of focused concentration is not so unusual for a less than life and death struggle. We can make such things as Buddhahood a life and death struggle but it is not at all wrong to chant as a meditation, without any attachment whatsoever to our thoughts. This nonsense about always chanting with a goal in mind is pure SGI hogwash. Nichiren often said just to chant.
Nichijew