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rattyboy
"Ticket to Heaven". It is not just a movie. It is a process of following the main actor through the cult indoctrination and recovery process. (And the main female sponsor type is a familiar T.V actress in her younger years!) This movie includes a chase scene similar to what I mentioned I experienced running from a few other YMD. I'd like to mention the external event that I think helped me snap and make a run for it. We had been walking past a gay pride parade. I was thinking that the celebration and striving for liberation in the form of a parade paralleled our mission. It made me smile. I didn't know what to make of the stoic ymd who were not reacting to any of the sometimes outlandlish displays. I think within 1 to 5 minutes after that I made my run.
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Buddha31
I am a former SGI member who left SGI in 2011 some time. I later joined the Kempon Hokke, but I eventually left them as well(can't swallow Nichiren's DOGMA anymore than I can swallow the DOGMA of the Bible or the Koran). The thing about SGI that really drove me nuts more than anything, more than Ikeda worship, more than the creepy leaders who spout off SGI slogans, etc etc, was the fact that they BLATANTLY ignore or reinturpret the Gosho like what many Christians do with the Bible when people critique the Old Testament, I mean if you are going to claim to follow a sacred "Holy Book" at least follow ALL of it instead of following what you are comfortable about and what happens to be convenient for you just making excuses for what makes you uncomfortable-but that is why I am a recovering fundamentalist also as fundamentalism is a mental illness in and of itself-Nichiren could have used a shrink I think despite the good things I learned from his teachings. I had one leader who I respected call me earlier today(and I hadn't talked to her for about 4 months, but it was pretty obvious this was a ploy to get me to come back which won't happen), and I pointed out how Nichiren had been blatantly crystal clear about denouncing ALL other forms of Buddhism. All other religions. According to the dogma-this is STILL the latter day of the Law, there is no such thing as a "Buddhist" country(whatever the hell that is supposed to mean-Japan was NEVER a "Buddhist" country as if you want to call it a country of ONE religion that would be Shintoism where Thailand could be considered a "Buddhist" country which seems about as pointless as saying that America is a "Christian" country), so true hard core in your face "Shakabuku" which IS offensive, which WILL invite persecution, and is OPPOSITE of Shoju which SGI practices, SGI wouldn't know how to truly practice Shakabuku which DOES apply in the US and Japan in 2012 according to the Gosho they claim to follow because there are still people who teach other sutras in the land and who slander the Lotus Sutra. He also went so far to say that if the Emperor supported those schools which IS slandering the Law, he should be overthrown and executed. They simply ignore how dogmatic and toxic beliefs like that are, and say things like "if people chant the Nembustu they become suicidal" ignoring the fact that maybe it's NOT the mantra, but what they believe ABOUT the mantra they chant. I can say that I overcame PILES of problems chanting in front of my old Gohonzon, but it was how I went about it. I never liked people telling me to just focus on a goal and let it happen(I was WAY too logical and rational for that, I needed a clear cut path to work on, not mystical up in the air stuff which drove me nuts). I have a better idea, why not focus on the problems WITHIN ME that hold me back from accomplishing the goal such as-I don't know behavior modifications ya think(attachments-wow, now there is something that SGI members ignore being a legitimate problem holding one back from accomplishing a goal despite the fact that Nichiren said crystal clear that if people practice from the Lotus Sutra, Shakyamuni gives them the same benefits he got by practicing the 8 fold path which is freedom from attachments) so I guess what I am saying is that I did not have unrealistic expectations. I also chanted 2 hours a day, and most people who chant will NEVER chant that much every day(I also believe that is why people don't go as far with mantra chanting as they could no matter what mantra they chant). I started thinking that the particular mantra has NOTHING to do with it, the particular sutra has NOTHING to do with the mantras effectiveness. I had to dump the dogma, and I created my own mantra and I downloaded a generic(but pretty) mandala that represents(to me) the law of cause and effect/God. I went through an Atheist phase and I created an Atheist mantra(Nam-why-logo). Nam-sanskrit word meaning devotion. Why-holy mother of Atheism. Logo(s)-sacred father of Atheism(this would make Ikeda howl in anger I am sure and Nichiren would roll in his grave but I don't give a damn, I had enough of the drivel and dogma and simply kept the mutual possession of the ten worlds, 3000 realms in a single moment of life, oneness of self and environment, Karma, and dumped ALL the rest of the dogma and said to hell with it) . I eventually found my way back into Alcoholics Anonymous and now consider myself a Deist(it's kind of funny that my beliefs are virtually identicle to how I thought in SGI as I never really was a "team player" so to speak). I never trusted Ikeda. Anyway, I changed the mantra to "Namahlooga" and now I chant that about two hours a day(with my cool colorful mantra that I had laminated and it is hanging in my old Butsudan on my old altar). I have felt TONS better than I did in SGI(that is until I started writing my fourth step which I am in the middle of-moral inventory so the person feels old resentments again while they are writing it) but I am totally confident that when it comes time to pray for the resentments to go away, I'll chant MY mantra as long as it takes, and they will go away. I caught glimpses of what I had continually this time around in AA back when I was in SGI and I could never maintain it in SGI due to my resentments. Anyone who thinks they can't chant without SGI or without their Gohonzon, do yourself a favor and create your own mantra and find a mandala that you like, create a custom made practice to suit YOUR needs and say "to hell with them". Find a picture of the mountains or the ocean, whatever brings you peace when you look at it(as the same mechanics apply with this that they taught in SGI). Hell, listen to music while you are chanting, I do that now, I love listening to "The Touch" by Stan Bush when I am chanting to overcome a problem(I know, I'm a child of the 80's)! "Fallen Angel" by Poison is another song I LOVE to listen to while I am chanting "Namahlooga":) Also, "Big City Nights" by The Scorpions!!!
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Findingmywaytoday
I have been doing a lot of reflecting this week, and I am trying to put all my thoughts into their correct places. I am just wondering if it is far-fetched to feel like some of my paranoia about stuff happening to me came from my participation in the SGI? I am saying this because there was this constant feeling of doom happening to me, that I never felt before the SGI. Yeah, stuff happened before the SGI, but I was much less afraid. Very early on in my practice, I had something happen to me that some member correlated to me having just had a big benefit. That was when this train of thought started happening. I also saw how many members seemed to have some major and scary things happen to them. I became very afraid. Can anyone relate to this type of paranoia? The feeling of leaving feels more and more freeing, but it is just taking a while to fully do it.
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Findingmywaytoday
I am just wondering if it is far-fetched to feel like some of my paranoia about stuff happening to me came from my participation in the SGI? I am saying this because there was this constant feeling of doom happening to me, that I never felt before the SGI. Yeah, stuff happened before the SGI, but I was much less afraid.
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Findingmywaytoday
Very early on in my practice, I had something happen to me that some member correlated to me having just had a big benefit. That was when this train of thought started happening.
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Findingmywaytoday
I also saw how many members seemed to have some major and scary things happen to them. I became very afraid. Can anyone relate to this type of paranoia?
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Findingmywaytoday
The feeling of leaving feels more and more freeing, but it is just taking a while to fully do it.
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rattyboy
I also saw that famous P.I. pounding the table video at a meeting and enjoyed laughing with my friend at the humourous side of our dear leader and almost started to like him. (but not as a leader?)
Its funny that the one time I felt I was really beginning to connect with Ikeda, at another meeting, after a video, one of the members said to me something like "Wow, that ikeda has really lost it, its like the madness of King George".
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rattyboy
I was almost going to disagree but then waited and thought and had some snacks instead. sansho shima or zenzishiki? (I hope I spelled those wrong!)