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bobze39
Well, I've just realized, that I have something in common with our dear leader sensei Mr. Ikeda. Both of us have Doctorate degrees, but while my degree is real, Doctor of Musical Arts, University of Southern California, his degrees were bought with members money and phony.
But I don't want to be ungrateful, because in some way SGI helped me to get my Doctorate. How is that, you would ask. Very simple!
After finishing the extensive course work, doctoral candidates have to take qualifying exams. There is a commitee of five members, two members from major field and one member for each of three minor fields. My major field was classical piano and my minor fields were jazz improvisation, electro-acoustic media and history of music. In non of the fields I felt very confident. Even though I graduated from a major conservatory in Europe, while studying in USC, I realized, that I wasn't going to become a concert pianist, so I decided to "switch" to jazz. Neither classical nor jazz people were happy with that. Classical people resented the move because they don't consider jazz piano very serious, and jazz people considered me a newcomer from a classical field, who is unfamiliar with real be-bop rules, and just plays some traditional, "simplified" jazz. In the field of history of music I didn't feel strong, because I have ADHD, so studying many hours in the library, researching medieval, baroque, renaissance, classicim, romanticism, 20th century styles, genres and composers just didn't go very well with my personality. (You also have to write an extensive paper about each period). Any case, making the long story short, even though I fulfilled all the requirements and studied hard, I still didn't feel very confident before my qualifying exams.
That's when "help" from SGI came very handy. In their effort to derail me and tarnish my reputation they kept contacting music department teachers and kept sending defaming blanket e-mails to all e-mail addresses that ended with @usc.edu. But pretty soon, everybody got tired of this. Besides, failing me on qualifying exams would look like "kicking the fallen".
So, I remember standing in Ramo Hall building, waiting to enter the room for my qualifying exams, and one music teacher was passing by, he said "Oh, it's you, well, you will definitely pass your qualifying exams after all what happened, after all what happened they just can't fail you!"
So, all their defamation campaign, all blanket e-mails, it all backfired. After all, SGI helped me to get my Doctorate. How about that for theory of relativity!

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simplify

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Hitch
The Führer Ikeda room is another fascinating glimpse into psychology. I've seen those rooms, sitting under lock and key (controlled by a pioneer Japanese SS-Obaasan), fully and grandly furnished, yet empty shrines where they even bow before entering to clean them. Again, creepy, but also sad.

I heard that the Scientologists keep a special office for Ron L Hubbard in all their centres, even though he is dead. Is this 'shrine' room common in cults? Is it for mind control purposes (eg reinforcing personality worship)?

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holly_golightly

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Shavoy

Did any of these leaders, who were giving encouragement to "use your heart", "say yes no matter what", etc. etc....ever reveal that they were experiencing Enlightenment, or Buddhahood--in other words, were they finally in that state of Unshakable Happiness?....(Probably not that they would truly reveal their Life Condition...)

[/quote Shavoy]

Good question Shavoy. I didn't really think about that at the time. I think I was so caught up in trusting and trying not to slander and feeling never good enough. I got into the practice at quite a young age quite a long time ago, and so all these feelings of not criticising, not acknowledging my feelings of negativity became second nature.

In about 2002 I did go through a stage of thinking that some of the SGI methods were very 'cult-like', especially the constant pressure to commit more and more time to SGI responsibilities. I remember going on a course and all the youth division were suddenly asked to stand up and sing a song for Sensei, and although it was all very good natured and in high spirits I felt, coerced, manipulated and completely negative. It always felt as if you didn't go along with things then you were the 'troublesome' buddhist that everyone was required to respect but if you kept chanting long enough you would do your human revolution and fit in with the general thinking. Or if you were upset at having to do something like that you must be 'changing some very heavy karma'.

Unfortunately, there was nothing around like this forum and no-one I could really talk to who would understand. I kept doubting myself and convinced myself it was 'fundamental darkness' that was affecting me. I ended up getting sucked right back in and totally threw myself into activities and responsibilities even more, thinking that it was because my 'mentor and disciple' relationship wasn't strong enough that I was having this angst.

I think I just had to get to the stage where I could clearly see how detrimental being in this organisation was to my life and how much better off I would be without it. I was lucky in that my life circumstances changed and suddenly I no longer had the same people around me to reinforce the beliefs. I took a big step back and started thinking properly again.

I think of it like a house of cards. If one card is pulled out, then the rest fall down. When I let go of the fear of 'fundamental darkness' and being a 'traitor' and causing myself negative karma, I allowed myself to think the unthinkable - what if some or all the things I had been told for 20 years weren't actually true? Although I know the road ahead may be a bit rocky, I now feel like I have been set free and the weight has lifted from my shoulders.

thanks for sharing this, holly_golightly. This is a great experience, too. I'm very happy reading that you finally feel free and the weight is off your shoulders!

Does karma really ever change? Or lighten? Past karma predictor of future karma? holly, were you encouraged at the time to reevaluate your 'mentor-disciple' relationship, in regards to the turmoil you felt?

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Shavoy

holly, were you encouraged at the time to reevaluate your 'mentor-disciple' relationship, in regards to the turmoil you felt?

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tsukimoto
And then the SGI and Nichiren Shoshu had their bitter divorce, and Nichiren Shoshu had custody of the DaiGohonzon. SGI members were told not to visit the head temple because the evil priests were there! Yet at the same time, SGI was complaining bitterly that Nichiren Shoshu was "holding the DaiGohonzon hostage!" Please note, the priests were willing enough to let SGI members visit the temple and the DaiGohonzon --- SGI was now saying "It's a bad cause to visit the temple, because the priests are so evil."

And now? People are saying that the Dai Gohonzon is not even authentic.

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Hitch
A couple of examples of other devilish behavior that I've seen/heard in the gakkai: a huge cardboard sign sitting on a easel at the kaikan, next to the bustudan, with things written on it like "things to chant for - the destruction of Nikken, Ikeda to visit" and members talking about how Nikken doesn't die quickly enough to suit them as punishment for all of his slander (in sgi-usa and sg japan, respectively). I kid you not. The only corner on the true "truth" / true "path" that these people have is the relative version that happens to suit their needs at any particular time.

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rattyboy
Thank you bobze39 for your input. I meant to suggest that maybe the article was suggesting that all other Buddhist groups may contain a speck of racism and that the Buddhist community at large should look into the reasons why SGI has many more non-whites. You would think the rest of the article would explore the Soka Gakkai after that but it did not. I don't feel inclined to send that magazine a letter but I'm sure any of us could explain to them why it hasn't been or shouldn't be included. (and not because the ikeda club is the only true buddhism!)

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holly_golightly

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Shavoy

holly, were you encouraged at the time to reevaluate your 'mentor-disciple' relationship, in regards to the turmoil you felt?

I certainly was. And I remember on every course I went on after that time, the whole emphasis was on the mentor-disciple relationship - it was the key to changing everything. I decided to take this on board wholeheartedly (in a desperate bid to 'change my karma'). If I wasn't chanting for Sensei's happiness, I was attempting to 'understand his heart' by reading the Human and New Human Revolution. I committed myself to a monthly all-day activity for 2 years, where I was encouraged to think of myself as 'Sensei's arms and legs'. If faced with a dilemma during these activities or indeed life, I was advised to think 'what would Sensei do?'.

After several years of doing this it became second-nature and I didn't have to force myself anymore. However, during this time my personal life fell apart and it all became a huge struggle. Still I trusted that if I kept following the guidance I would be able to transform the situation. I remember being at a very low point at one stage and phoning up a very senior leader for guidance which was ........................... can you guess? .................................. 'chant to be Sensei's disciple, you can never feel alone when you've got Sensei' and 'chant to fulfil Sensei's expectations of you'

Looking back now I can chuckle but at the time I simply tried harder and thought it must have been my fault for not having a sincere enough spirit before.

All I can say is the good thing about the fact that I went for it wholeheartedly for so long means that I have no doubt now that I did the right thing by leaving, because I couldn't have 'tried harder' or 'chanted harder' or done 'more responsibilities' by the end - I was absolutely burnt out. Of course some people may think I just needed to be a bit more balanced and I was over doing it but believe me you can never just do a bit in that organisation because there will always be someone guilt tripping you or 'encouraging' you to do more in order to be 'more happy' and taking advantage of your vulnerabilities. I feel like I can say now that I've seen it, done it, bought the T'shirt, wore the T'shirt, designed the T'shirt, bought the T'shirt company and I can safely say I've had enough and am on to better things :)