Hi!

I've been a HAI "intern" (i.e., assistant) for twenty years, plus a few months. I have a perspective on HAI that I think ought to be expressed here. I'm going to do this in two separate postings. The first will talk about the widely recognized characteristics of organizations that are generally considered to be cults, and will cite my own experience of HAI with respect to each of those characteristics. The second will simply share my own experience of HAI, particularly as it relates to complaints about HAI that I've seen here.

But first, what do I mean when I say that I'm a HAI intern? A HAI intern is not an employee of HAI, but is a volunteer who assists the facilitators logistically and otherwise in presenting the workshops. I sincerely hope that HAI is financially successful, but I have no financial interest in the success of HAI, or even in its continued existence.

CHARACTERISTICS ASSOCIATED WITH CULTIC GROUPS

Janfa Lalich, PhD & Michael D. Langone, PhD

* The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.

Definitely not true of HAI. While Stan Dale was greatly respected as the originator of HAI, he was by no means the object of uncritical adulation. I have myself disagreed with him over the general direction of HAI's policy, in writing, on the HAI interns' mailing list, with no repercussions whatsoever: in fact, some other interns agreed with me, in writing, on the same mailing-list, with no repercussions.

HAI was until very recently a for-profit corporation, with a board of directors (it's just attained non-profit status). With respect to Stan's status in HAI, he was just one member of the board of directors among several. He did have just exactly one special privilege as a board-member: when a candidate for intern status had been approved by all the facilitators, as required, Stan could still veto the acceptance of the candidate. As for Stan's belief system and ideology, I suppose that you could say that we HAIniks tend very strongly to accept it, but not in any uncritical or slavish manner. In some instances there has been vigorous debate about parts of it.

* Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged, or even punished.

No way. While there is little disagreement among HAI people about HAI's basic sex-positive ideology, I believe that's because most people who continue affiliation with the HAI community past the first Level or two of the workshops, were self-selected as at least partial adherents of that basic ideology before they ever heard of HAI. Nevertheless, there is sometimes some debate among HAI folks about various details of policy, and such debate is completely unrestricted and unpunished. I've taken part in such debate myself, in writing, taking a position opposite Stan's on the point in question, and supported in my view by others, in writing. And I and they were just part of the unpaid help!

I can well understand why people who come to HAI with politically or culturally conservative viewpoints would feel uncomfortable with the content of the workshops. If you believe that sexual activity outside of marriage, or polyamorous relationships, or gay sex, or gay marriage, or swinging, are always morally wrong, you will definitely be uncomfortable at a HAI workshop. HAI doesn't *advocate* any of these practices; but it does say, in effect, "Some people engage in these practices, and many of them seem to live happy, productive lives." If I said, "One of the things on the menu here is escargot, and some people like 'em", I would not necessarily be advocating that you add snails to your diet. You will also find that most people (but not all) who consider themselves to be members of the HAI community are politically liberal as well as culturally liberal, and if their expressing this viewpoint upsets you, you will definitely be uncomfortable at a HAI workshop.

* Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, and debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).

meditation: not used
chanting: not used, though we do occasionally sing
speaking in tongues: we leave that to the Christian charismatics
denunciation sessions: totally opposite to HAI attitudes and practices. In fact, we sometimes have *appreciation* sessions. Insidious, huh?
debilitating work routines: so who *works* at a HAI workshop, other than we poor interns and assistants? It's true that some sessions last until midnight, but sessions don't resume the next morning until nine o'clock. And I've never seen any attempt to suppress doubts about the group or its leaders.

* The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry--or leaders prescribe what kinds of clothes to wear, where to live, whether to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).

If HAI leadership tried to dictate *anything* about how workshop participants live, they'd be laughed out of the conference center. Have you ever tried herding cats?

The one exception to this generalization is that there are strict rules limiting dating between interns and facilitators, on the one hand, and workshop participants, on the other. HAI is quite knowledgeable about the "transference" phenomenon, and quite conscientious about doing what it takes to minimize its influence.

* The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members (for example, the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar--or the group is on a special mission to save humanity).

HAI is not a membership group--it has no "members", except the officers of the corporation and the employees of the corporation (i.e., the workshop facilitators). The HAI *community* consists of the corporate officers and the facilitators (all of whom have been workshop participants), the interns and assistants (an "assistant" is an "assistant intern") plus anyone who has ever taken a HAI workshop at any Level. I believe that a great majority of members of the HAI community feel that they have derived substantial benefit from the workshops, and that HAI does good work in the world by promoting a sex-positive approach to life. But some participants (just a few, I believe) have had experiences which upset them.

We ain't exalted. And Stan was *far* from being a Messiah or an avatar: he was just a good but imperfect man who arrived at some very good ideas in the course of an interesting life. But I do have to confess that I believe that if people in general adopted the beliefs and attitudes that HAI teaches, the world would be a much nicer place to live.

* The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.

HAI is not in conflict with the wider society. We *do* disagree with the anti-sexual stance characteristic of most of American society. So we're unavoidably distinctive in that respect. But we aren't inimical to the wider society, just in disagreement with it about some important matters.

* The leader is not accountable to any authorities (unlike, for example, teachers, military commanders, or ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream denominations).

The leaders of the HAI corporation, and the corporation, are at least accountable to the legal bodies enforcing conformity with the laws of the various states and the United States. Some of the members of the Board are actually officers of the Courts, required by law to report violations of laws and regulations. A few of the facilitators have in addition private practices as therapists or "quasi-therapists", and so are subject to the regulations governing such professions.

*The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (for example, lying to families or friends, or collecting money for bogus charities).

This one calls for some analysis. On the one hand, officers of the corporation and facilitators are required by law to report violations of law and of regulations, and I believe that they do that. On the other hand, things do happen at workshops that many people think *should* be prohibited by law, but aren't. And it sometimes *does* happen that a participant will come to approve of an activity which they originally disapproved of--though no one is pressured in such a direction.

* Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.

As I said, people in the HAI community, except for corporate officers and facilitators, aren't members of any HAI-related organization, are spread diffusely over wide geographical areas. So there's no way that HAI could require *anything* of them, even if it wanted to--and it doesn't. Moreover, family members and friends are completely welcome at many HAI-related events. In fact, one of my favorite HAI interns was introduced to HAI by her daughter at such an event. I have no knowledge, pro or con, about anyone's altering their personal goals or activities.

Again: have you ever tried to herd cats which are widely dispersed geographically?

* The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

HAI has been structured as a corporation, and needs revenues to survive. So HAI needs to attract new people to attend at lower levels as participants move up the eight levels and discontinue going to workshops. But HAI's marketing efforts have always been very low key, and *pressuring* people to attend HAI workshops just doesn't happen--unlike some other similar organizations.

* The group is preoccupied with making money.

If so, it's preoccupation has been largely for naught. There have been several occasions in which HAI survived only by contributions and loans from community members. The contributions were not solicited, all but one of the loans (also, as far as I know, unsolicited) have been completely repaid, and that one loan is near retirement.

* Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.

No HAI person is *expected* to devote any time at all to HAI or to HAI-related activities. Some of us freely and happily have donated time and effort to HAI-related activities, but only in small amounts.

* Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.

Simply not at all the case. It's true, however, that we like to associate with our fellow HAIniks. We aren't herdable cats, but we do like to yowl together sometimes.

* The most loyal members (the "true believers") feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave (or even consider leaving) the group.

In going-on-twenty-one years of association with HAI, I have never met such a "true-believer". The HAI community is not an organization, that you join or leave. It's a very loose purely voluntary association of people who have just two things in common: they have completed at least the HAI Level 1 workshop, and they self-identify themselves as part of the HAI community.

* The mo

Bert Clanton - I appreciate your point of view.

Have you gone to the Large Group Awareness section of this site? There are three HAI related threads there, one of which is quite long and contains experiences of those of us who have actually gone to HAI workshops, and the problems we have experienced therein.

I have some serious issues with what goes on and what is expected at HAI workshops.

One of the biggest is the "what happens at HAI workshops stays at HAI workshops" confidentiality agreement.

Why? Well, many of the people at the workshops I attended were married, and were at the workshop without their spouse. Then some of the exercises participants were expected to engage in were very sexual, and could even be construed as adultery. Therefore, the participant is expected to commit adultery or violate an agreement he/she has entered into with his/her respective spouse AND keep it secretive.

I ask you.... when is it EVER appropriate to be inspecting the genitals of a person not your spouse? how is that EVER considered to be okay in a normal marriage? When is it acceptable for a strange man, AS PART OF AN ESTABLISHED EXERCISE, to help a strange woman FIND HER G-SPOT??? The very secretive nature of HAI makes it so that participants are almost guaranteed to fail at a monogamous relationship and I think that is part of the goal. While I understand poly relationships and alternative lifestyles and have nothing against them, I DO resent being expected to participate in them.

I am monogamous and have agreements with my spouse from when we took our vows. Part of that is that NO sexual activity whatsoever shall occur with anyone but him, and vice versa.

At the last workshop I attended, monogamy vs. polyamory was discussed, and monogamy was not only ridiculed as basically "unenlightened and old fashioned" I was encouraged to push my boundaries and participate anyway.

My spouse and I had some problems awhile ago, and I asked for advice. The advice I got was to "love him enough to allow him to indulge in a love AND sexual relationship" with his ex wife. This advice came from a few participants and some interns, all via private email. They were telling me basically that if I REALLY loved him, I'd let him have sex outside our marriage and that monogamy isn't a good idea. Well I'm sorry, but I think I love MYSELF enough to say that if I am not enough for him, then I will not be with him in the first place. All or nothing, period. A man cheats on me, he's GONE. Now THAT is self-esteem.

I have received email specifically stating that one man was having a difficult time emotionally because his wife of a few DECADES was now leaving him for a well-known HAI intern. Their marriage was wonderful and satisfying... but the further involved they got in HAI the more his wife seemed distant from him and interested in other men, and this was ENCOURAGED by HAI interns and their participation. This man is heartbroken, and people he considered his friends are advising him to love her enough to let her go.

I have noticed that at each level of HAI, participants are encouraged to push their boundaries and that is fine - but only to a point. Each successive level is more challenging to a participant, expecting him/her to do things more and more uncomfortable.... and it is made to SEEM like a natural progression. But it's not.

It also seems to me that once you get past the first couple of levels, the whole "love, intimacy, and sexuality" party line changes. They still TALK about love and intimacy, but it's only in relation to getting to the sexuality part of things. It's dressed up pandering, nothing more. Participants, particularly women, are given emotional support and prodding to make them more open to poly relationships and group sex. I HAVE SEEN IT. I just didn't fall for it.

I know what goes on at some of the higher levels because I have ASKED people who have attended them. At one point before I was married, I dated a few people I met through HAI, all of whom had gone through level 7 (8 didn't exist yet). They specifically TOLD me things that went on... basically, the confidentiality thing doesn't always work. Your little club has a few leaks, and I am heartily glad for it. I'm certainly relieved I didn't pay a fortune for a workshop I looked upon as a form of group therapy when it would have turned into a little sex-fest with a bunch of strangers trying to make it seem normal and even desirable.

It's sickening.

DayDreamer wrote:

"Have you gone to the Large Group Awareness section of this site? There are three HAI related threads there, one of which is quite long and contains experiences of those of us who have actually gone to HAI workshops, and the problems we have experienced therein. "

Yes I have.

"I have some serious issues with what goes on and what is expected at HAI workshops.

One of the biggest is the "what happens at HAI workshops stays at HAI workshops" confidentiality agreement.

Why? Well, many of the people at the workshops I attended were married, and were at the workshop without their spouse. Then some of the exercises participants were expected to engage in were very sexual, and could even be construed as adultery. Therefore, the participant is expected to commit adultery or violate an agreement he/she has entered into with his/her respective spouse AND keep it secretive."

I personally don't think it's a good idea for one member of a couple to come to a HAI workshop without the spouse or partner, because of the possibility of exactly what you described. But even so, many participants have agreements with their spouse or partner about what activity is acceptable and what isn't, and I have no reason to suppose that most of these agreements are violated. But also I personally have no quarrel with a couple if their agreement is that only one partner will come to the workshop and that that partner is free to be sexual while there. I also think that it's too much to expect of HAI facilitators or interns to police participants to insure that they keep their agreements with partners. What I do think is that attending partners or spouses should not be advised by HAI facilitators or interns to violate such an agreement--and I absolutely doubt that any facilitator would give such advice. If one did, I'd advise you to complain to the HAI office, in writing. As for interns, I'd complain to one of the facilitators during the workshop that an intern gave such advice.

As for the confidentiality agreements: I fully support them. While they may be misused in exactly the way that you describe, that's a participant's misuse, not an action of a facilitator or intern, and is completely contrary to HAI policy. The actual purposes of the confidentiality agreement are to protect participants from undesired and possibly damaging publicity about their workshop activities, and to make sure that the next group of participants don't come to the workshop with the impact diluted by foreknowledge. There's a balance that has to be struck between "good" secrecy and "bad" secrecy. Reasonable people of good will may disagree about where that balance should lie.

"I ask you.... when is it EVER appropriate to be inspecting the genitals of a person not your spouse? how is that EVER considered to be okay in a normal marriage? When is it acceptable for a strange man, AS PART OF AN ESTABLISHED EXERCISE, to help a strange woman FIND HER G-SPOT???"

What I'm about to say may shock you. I fully admit that my attitude about such matters is very different from yours, and even from that of the great majority of mainstream Americans. First, no woman is ever forced or threatened or ridiculed or pressured to take part in this exercise. At any point in any exercise any participant may opt out with no counterpressure from anyone. Anyone who suffers such pressure from an intern or assistant should immediately report it to a facilitator. Anyone who suffers such pressure from a facilitator should report it, in writing, to the HAI office. But make sure that the pressure is really external pressure, and not just your own feeling of being expected to do something. Now for the shocking part. I think that part of what HAI tries to accomplish is the "naturalization" of the human body, male and female. I believe that it can be a very valuable learning experience to be able to inspect the genitals of people of the opposite sex, to see what they're really like, to get beyond a feeling of fear or revulsion. And I also believe that it can be a very valuable learning experience to see that there are men who can approach a woman's genitals with gentleness and respect. Moreover, a lot of couples do come together to HAI workshops, and I think that these exact learning experiences might be very valuable in some marriages.

"The very secretive nature of HAI makes it so that participants are almost guaranteed to fail at a monogamous relationship and I think that is part of the goal. While I understand poly relationships and alternative lifestyles and have nothing against them, I DO resent being expected to participate in them."

I don't see such a guarantee as either the intention of HAI or the inevitable result of experiencing a HAI workshop. There are many HAI couples who have been together happily for decades. And I think that you should be very careful, if you want to be fair-minded, not to confuse acceptance of a lifestyle for some people, with advocacy of a lifestyle for you.

"I am monogamous and have agreements with my spouse from when we took our vows. Part of that is that NO sexual activity whatsoever shall occur with anyone but him, and vice versa."

I would guess that of the married couples and committed partners who attend HAI workshops together, a majority make and keep agreements not to be sexual with anyone else. Again, if any intern or assistant tries in any way to deprive you of being completely at choice, you should report him or her immediately to a facilitator; and if a facilitator does this, you should report them to the HAI office. I can promise you that in either case, your complaint will not be ignored.

"At the last workshop I attended, monogamy vs. polyamory was discussed, and monogamy was not only ridiculed as basically 'unenlightened and old fashioned'. I was encouraged to push my boundaries and participate anyway."

Again: if an intern or facilitator exerts such pressure on you, report them! That would be an egregious violation of HAI policy. But please don't hold HAI responsible for what other participants may say to you.

"My spouse and I had some problems awhile ago, and I asked for advice. The advice I got was to "love him enough to allow him to indulge in a love AND sexual relationship" with his ex wife. This advice came from a few participants and some interns, all via private email. They were telling me basically that if I REALLY loved him, I'd let him have sex outside our marriage and that monogamy isn't a good idea. Well I'm sorry, but I think I love MYSELF enough to say that if I am not enough for him, then I will not be with him in the first place. All or nothing, period. A man cheats on me, he's GONE. Now THAT is self-esteem."

If an intern says something like that at a workshop, report them to a facilitator! If they do it by private email, report it to the HAI office! If a facilitator does, report them to the HAI office as well!. Interns are specifically instructed not to try to act as counselors, but to refer such participant situations to a facilitator, one of whose functions it is to give counsel if needed.

"I have received email specifically stating that one man was having a difficult time emotionally because his wife of a few DECADES was now leaving him for a well-known HAI intern. Their marriage was wonderful and satisfying... but the further involved they got in HAI the more his wife seemed distant from him and interested in other men, and this was ENCOURAGED by HAI interns and their participation. This man is heartbroken, and people he considered his friends are advising him to love her enough to let her go."

I sincerely believe that if HAIinterns acted as marriage counselors either at or outside f a workshop, they're violating HAI policy, and should be reported.

"I have noticed that at each level of HAI, participants are encouraged to push their boundaries and that is fine - but only to a point. Each successive level is more challenging to a participant, expecting him/her to do things more and more uncomfortable.... and it is made to SEEM like a natural progression. But it's not."

I don't know what to say to this. The progression that I experienced was quite challenging, but at no point did I feel out of control, or pushed to do what I wasn't ready for. I don't know what you mean by "not natural".

" It also seems to me that once you get past the first couple of levels, the whole "love, intimacy, and sexuality" party line changes. They still TALK about love and intimacy, but it's only in relation to getting to the sexuality part of things. It's dressed up pandering, nothing more. Participants, particularly women, are given emotional support and prodding to make them more open to poly relationships and group sex. I HAVE SEEN IT. I just didn't fall for it. "

Maybe I'm naive or unobservant, but I haven't seen anyone being pressured to do what they don't want to do--at least AT the workshops. I can't speak to whathappens outside the workshos.. However, it is quite true that the level of sexual activity at higher levels is greater than that at lower levels, and it's probably true as well that people who are strenuously opposed to this usually don't make it past the first of the "sexy" levels. But again, be sure that what you feel as external pressure really is external pressure rather than just an environmental "sexiness".

"I know what goes on at some of the higher levels because I have ASKED people who have attended them. At one point before I was married, I dated a few people I met through HAI, all of whom had gone through level 7 (8 didn't exist yet). They specifically TOLD me things that went on... basically, the confidentiality thing doesn't always work. Your little club has a few leaks, and I am heartily glad for it. I'm certainly relieved I didn't pay a fortune for a workshop I looked upon as a form of group therapy when it would have turned into a little sex-fest with a bunch of strangers trying to make it seem normal and even desirable."

It's sickening."

Its quite true that the higher levels are sexier. Anyone to whom this is offensive should stop attending HAI workshops afterthe lower levels. If you begin to get upset at what's happening, and you can't get satisfaction from the facilitators, end your association with HAI.

Options: Reply To This Message Quote This Message
Goto Page: Previous 1 2
New Topic
Index -> Former Cult Members and Affected Families

Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
Board footer
This forum powered by Phorum.

One thing that I really don't understand is how, on the one hand, some folks here claim that they had very damaging experiences at higher levels of HAI workshops, but on the other hand, seem also to be saying that they attended several of the higher levels. Perhaps I misunderstand what they're saying--but why didn't they stop going to the workshops after the first level that really upset them?

With respect to HAI and formal therapy: when I signed up for my first Level 1 back in 1989, I had to fill out a questionnaire. One of the items on the questionnaire was whether I was in psychotherapy. If you answered "yes", you had to get your therapist's permission to take the workshop. I was in therapy at the time, and I did get my therapist's permission. I really don't know whether this is still done, but I certainly think it should be. If you're someone with recent experience as a first-time-Level-1 participant, I'd like to hear about whether you had to fill out a questionnaire, and if so, whether that question was on it.

In the interest of full disclosure, however, I have to tell you that my therapist was closely associated professionally with someone who had taken Levels 1 through 3, with very good results.

Quote
Bert Clanton
One thing that I really don't understand is how, on the one hand, some folks here claim that they had very damaging experiences at higher levels of HAI workshops, but on the other hand, seem also to be saying that they attended several of the higher levels. Perhaps I misunderstand what they're saying--but why didn't they stop going to the workshops after the first level that really upset them?

With respect to HAI and formal therapy: when I signed up for my first Level 1 back in 1989, I had to fill out a questionnaire. One of the items on the questionnaire was whether I was in psychotherapy. If you answered "yes", you had to get your therapist's permission to take the workshop. I was in therapy at the time, and I did get my therapist's permission. I really don't know whether this is still done, but I certainly think it should be. If you're someone with recent experience as a first-time-Level-1 participant, I'd like to hear about whether you had to fill out a questionnaire, and if so, whether that question was on it.

In the interest of full disclosure, however, I have to tell you that my therapist was closely associated professionally with someone who had taken Levels 1 through 3, with very good results.

HAI doesn't use questionnaires about therapy or anything else.. at least not in Michigan.

And i don't know if you were referring to me, but the part where you said "One thing that I really don't understand is how, on the one hand, some folks here claim that they had very damaging experiences at higher levels of HAI workshops, but on the other hand, seem also to be saying that they attended several of the higher levels. Perhaps I misunderstand what they're saying--but why didn't they stop going to the workshops after the first level that really upset them?" - I have only gone to Level 1 one time and then Level 2 one time. I refused to go to any further workshops.

In fact, someone contacted the people who run the HAI Midwest (Michigan, at Camp Ronora) and stated that he would pay for me to go to Level 3. It was not a donation for someone to go to Level 3, it was specifically for ME to attend Level 3. I refused, and told them to refund the money because I would NOT be attending further workshops.

My only contact with HAI nowadays is the occasional email with a specific person, but this is a person I knew outside of HAI before either of us ever went to a workshop. She is still attending workshops, I am not.

Bert:

I want to congratulate you on your naievety....and you said it yourself....It takes people with your rose colored glasses to keep HAI going, and they have found the fool in you. How much of your money have you parted with over the many years?

There is so much in what you say that seems so innocent and you start with the assumption that the people who go to HAI are emotionally mature and self-directed. Nothing could be farther than the truth...it is the inmature and gullible that fall for the party line. It also appears that you have no sense of what subtle pressure can do in a group setting. This is the party line exactly and you are totally taken in, almost like brainwashing.

The whole premise of HAI is that people are called interns and they act as therapists even though they are not. All of you should be arrested for practicing without a license.

SFBMoore

SFBMoore wrote:

"Bert:

I want to congratulate you on your naievety....and you said it yourself....It takes people with your rose colored glasses to keep HAI going, and they have found the fool in you. How much of your money have you parted with over the many years?"

I *must* indeed be a fool if after twenty years of association with HAI, having attended every level as a participant twice (once on my own and once with a sweetie) , and having interned at probably sixty workshops, I'm still wearing rose-colored glasses. I have been open-minded enough to state repeatedly in this forum that I don't deny that some people have had unpleasant experiences at HAI workshops. I don't even deny that marriages and relationships have ended because of one partner's experience of HAI. I would have more respect for SFBMoore if he had stated simply that he believes that I have been deceived, that stuff goes on at HAI that I'm blind to, rather than that I am a naive fool. As for money spent: I feel, naive fool though I may be, that what money I have spent on HAI workshops has been spent very productively.

"There is so much in what you say that seems so innocent and you start with the assumption that the people who go to HAI are emotionally mature and self-directed. Nothing could be farther than the truth...it is the inmature and gullible that fall for the party line. It also appears that you have no sense of what subtle pressure can do in a group setting. This is the party line exactly and you are totally taken in, almost like brainwashing."

I make no such assumption. The assumption that I make is that a broad spectrum of people go to HAI workshops. A very few may have psychological problems of some severity. Many come because they would like to improve their relationships with a partner--and many, many couples come as couples. A few come because they think that HAI is a god place to hook up, but these folks soon discover that it isn't--one of the most important principles that HAI teaches is that "It's perfectly OK to say 'No', and 'No' means 'NO!'. Moreover, it's strongly and explicitly stated at Level 1 that it isn't a good idea to start a relationship soon after taking Level 1, since you *are* likely to be in an emotionally open and vulnerable state of mind.

And one thing really bothers me here: the repeated allegations of "subtle pressure" that I see in this Forum. Its quite true that there *is* a particular ambiance that you'll experience at HAI workshops, beginning at Level 1. Most people who come to HAI workshops, particularly at Levels 2 and above, are people who are comfortable with nudity and comfortable with the notion that there are several different valid choices of sexual lifestyles. If you feel that group nudity is either immoral in itself or tends to lead to inappropriate sexual activity, you will not be comfortable at HAI workshops. If you simply can't consider the possibility that some people may legitimately choose a non-monogamous lifestyle and be happy in it, you will not be comfortable at HAI workshops. What I think that I detect in many postings here (and I may be mistaken) is a confusion of *acceptance* of unfamiliar lifestyles with *advocacy* of those lifestyles, and a confusion of a mildly sexy ambiance with a pressure to participate in sexual activity that you think is wrong. HAI strives very diligently to convince participants that they are at choice at every workshop moment. Frankly, if they don't believe that we're totally serious about that, if they don't believe that we mean what we repeatedly say, they're simply mistaken.

"The whole premise of HAI is that people are called interns and they act as therapists even though they are not. All of you should be arrested for practicing without a license."

There is no such premise. A central part of the training of HAI interns is that we are *not* competent to act as counselors or therapists, that we consistently refer counsel-seeking participants to the facilitators. Is this rule always honored in practice? Apparently not, judging by some reports here. However, this is diametrically against HAI policy; and HAI does have mechanisms in place (the Intern Accountability Council) to investigate such violations if they are reported, and to sanction them if they are verified.

To whom it may concern:

See [www.culteducation.com]

This paper explains the subtle techniques used in coercive persuasion, which frequently are a feature of LGAT like HAI, Landmark Education, Lifespring, etc.

The key factors that distinguish coercive persuasion from other training and socialization schemes are:

1. The reliance on intense interpersonal and psychological attack to destabilize an individual's sense of self to promote compliance

2. The use of an organized peer group

3. Applying interpersonal pressure to promote conformity

4. The manipulation of the totality of the person's social environment to stabilize behavior once modified

Robert Lifton labeled the extraordinarily high degree of social control characteristic of organizations that operate reform programs as their totalistic quality (Lifton 1961). This concept refers to the mobilization of the entirety of the person's social, and often physical, environment in support of the manipulative effort. Lifton identified eight themes or properties of reform environments that contribute to their totalistic quality:

1. Control of communication

2. Emotional and behavioral manipulation

3. Demands for absolute conformity to behavior prescriptions derived from the ideology

4. Obsessive demands for confession

5. Agreement that the ideology is faultless

6. Manipulation of language in which cliches substitute for analytic thought

7. Reinterpretation of human experience and emotion in terms of doctrine

8. Classification of those not sharing the ideology as inferior and not worthy of respect

To better understand the distinctions between education, advertising, propaganda, indoctrination and throught reform, commonly called "brainwashing" see the following link.

See [www.culteducation.com]

Most people don't recognize they are being "brainwashed" or the process would not work. It inherently relies upon a certain level of deception and double speak as Singer, Ofshe and Lifton illustrate.

Also see [www.culteducation.com]

This is the definitive chapter of Lifton's seminal book on thought reform.

Bert -

I have absolutely no problem with nudity. I used to regularly go to a nudist resort. I don't think that there is anything wrong with nudity nor do I think it leads to sexual activity unless, of course, the persons involved WANT it to. But again, I chose to keep my clothes ON and people ridiculed that choice by saying that I was obviously not "open."

I also have no problem with poly relationships, group sex etc. HOWEVER, the problem that I had with HAI is that I was specifically told that my choice of monogamy was unenlightened and foolish, and I had various people try to pressure me to become involved in poly relationships and group sex, even after I made it clear that I was NOT interested. Their reasoning was that I SHOULD by that time be open to the idea that there is nothing wrong with a poly relationship. Those people apparently refused to believe that there IS something wrong with a poly relationship with me in it - because I do not WANT to be in it. I'm simply a monogamous person by choice. I was told, in so many words, that this was WRONG and was not what HAI was about. HAI was about fostering comfort with open casual sexuality with varying partners... which again would have been fine with me IF I WERE SINGLE.

My problem came with the fact that although choice is supposed to be respected and celebrated, my choices were not. They were ridiculed and told that they were the WRONG choice.

OH.. and FYI. SBFMoore is female, so your pronoun usage was inaccurate.

HAI is clearly an example of coercive persuasion...in my terms, a cult.

The disrespect that DayDreamer was treated with at HAI:

DayDreamer QUOTE:"... Their reasoning was that I SHOULD by that time be open to the idea that there is nothing wrong with a poly relationship. Those people apparently refused to believe that there IS something wrong with a poly relationship with me in it - because I do not WANT to be in it. I'm simply a monogamous person by choice. I was told, in so many words, that this was WRONG and was not what HAI was about. HAI was about fostering comfort with open casual sexuality with varying partners... which again would have been fine with me IF I WERE SINGLE.

My problem came with the fact that although choice is supposed to be respected and celebrated, my choices were not. They were ridiculed and told that they were the WRONG choice..."CLOSE QUOTE.

Talk about peer group pressure! HAI appears to be little more than a bunch of dirty old MEN who are looking for as much sex as possible...MID-LIFE CRISIS MUCH?

Clearly, HAI is to avoided by anyone not wanting an STD.