ON2 LF - great post. I relate 1000%. It wasn't Landmark that fucked me up (both directly and indirectly through my sister), it was another lgat. But they're all the same, in their tactics and their destructiveness. I like how you write. After six sickening, regressive years in the lgat my mind is a mess. I feel largely unable to express my thoughts anymore and I appreciate reading from those who can, such as yourself. I've been trying to regain my ability (partly by writing here for a couple years) but it ain't happening. Have also attempted some therapy but therapy also ain't happening, and DISTRUST accounts for that.
One thing I'm not totally unhappy about is that I've become cautious, skeptical and informed. I don't think that's a bad thing. Innocence and naivete have been lost but some wisdom has been gained. I am glad that I now know what I once did not: there are evil people looking to prey on the trusting. I now value and relish my newfound suspiciousness and cynicism.
One thing I remain is DEEPLY OUTRAGED at the betrayal & violation of the lgat. And I too am both shocked & scared when I see what the lgat has done to my sister.
Keep your posts coming. I like how you say it!
I'm glad you relate with my versions of my experience. It seems strange to be a member here sometimes because I haven't been a head-on victim of a cult, I was just a bystander who got the shrapnel from the one who was the head-on victim.
When I couldn't speak to say what I truly
felt and thought about anything and everything, it was because I didn't know of anyone who cared enough to really hear me. Somewhere along my way I forgot that I didn't know anyone to listen and haven't shut up since. I just want not to be driven insane by issues that make me crazy. This is just my opinion, but its hard to speak from the heart freely or honestly when you don't believe that the extent and depth of what you are feeling (usually hurt) will be heard or validated. Know this, any thought or feeling you express here is well said and is validated when it is honest and from the heart. Something else that's my opinion, if a person has honesty they can also speak it, so you do in fact have the ability to speak from the heart and any way you say it is going to be right and good because it is truth.
I don't know if the effects of LGATs ever wears off but as long the fallout continues to scatter itself around us we may as well take the anger they cause in us and aim it at the guilty LGAT. I don't know if I'll ever become less vigilant in my suspicious receptivity but I do know that Landmark will not destroy my life or my identity.