Hi everyone,

I just wrote this for my ex. I'm going to send it to him tomorrow. He's a computer programmer, so I'm hoping this metaphorical tale will help him understand the position he's in with getting sucked into Landmark. Maybe it will be useful.

--Vlinden



AN INSTRUCTIVE METAPHOR FOR THOSE ABOUT TO GET SUCKED INTO AN LGAT


Imagine that you have a friend who knows you're a dedicated, professional computer programmer. He approaches you with a new product.

He says, "Hey, I know you've been having some trouble with your personal computer, and it isn't running exactly how you want it to yet. I've got this amazing new product that will transform your old programs so they run perfectly, and change the way you program from now on. You'll be a "Super Programmer." You won't believe it. It's called the New System."

You think, this can't be true. Sounds like a scam. But you like your friend, and you know he cares about you, so you keep listening.

Then he tells you that this is such an amazing program, that of course it's also really expensive. You don't get something for nothing, right?

--You ask about the company that wrote the program: He tells you a name you've never heard of.

--You ask if you can review the code: He says it's not open source, it's proprietary.

--You ask what exactly the program is going to do to your computer: He says he can't tell you, it's a secret. You have to buy it and use it to find out.

--Your friend looks so excited, you've never seen him like this before.

The problem now is that you are thinking about your computer. It's the only computer you have, and it's not exactly like any other computer out there. You've built it yourself, and you've programmed it yourself. You've been working on it for decades. It's a love-hate project at this point, because you're so deeply involved with it and it's very, very complicated. (Almost everything in your house, in fact, is connected to it, and controlled by it). There are a few bugs that are driving you crazy. You'd love to be rid of them.

However, it's not just the only computer you have, it's the only computer you will EVER have.

You explain your concerns to your friend, who answers: "That's exactly why you can't afford NOT to buy this program!! Your computer is amazing and it deserves to be the BEST computer ever. An EXTRAORDINARY computer."

Well shit, you think. He's right! It's what you've always wanted.

So you buy it.

Before you can use it, however, you discover that you have to sign a waiver. The waiver says that the software you are about to put into your computer may damage or destroy it. Some programmers have reported the partial or total malfunctioning of their computer, temporarily or permanently, and possible permanent loss of data.

This is extremely alarming. How many programmers have reported this? How often does this happen? Why does it happen?

The waiver doesn't say.

The waiver says that computers with serious bugs might not be able to handle the New System at all, and probably shouldn't use it.

You think . . .I have bugs . . . but that's why I'm doing this . . . but do I have "serious" bugs?? You feel concerned and unsure.

On the bright, colorful packaging, are printed more incredible promises for this software. They seem far too good to be true. In fact, they defy common sense. For a while you hold the waiver in one hand, and packaging in the other. Then suddenly the phone rings and it's your friend. He tells you his new software just cleaned up one of his oldest bugs!! It was an amazing quick-fix!!!

Fuck it, you think. I hate my bugs.

You sign the waiver and install the CDs.

The first thing that happens is that your old programming is overridden by a new program that calls up EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM you've ever had with all your old programs, going back to the earliest days of your work. It's an amazing list. You didn't even realize that all that old cache was in there! Flashing across your screen is a record of all your moments as a programmer where you got stuck, where you made an error, where a program didn't run as expected.

You know rationally, of course, that all of this was a perfectly normal part of programming. Every programmer learns what they can, but in the end is on their own when it comes to creating their own programs. Errors will happen -- they must. It's an ongoing and dynamic process.

You also prefer open source programming, and you like it when everyone who is learning and growing can share their information to make programming better in the future-- so people can create more interesting, powerful, elegant software. You think of programming as a complex, fascinating, exciting, interactive project, even though, of course, it has many moments of boredom, total frustration, even failure.

But . . . holy shit, dude. Look at this list! Look at this horrible gushing geyser of failure!!

You are somewhat of a perfectionist (okay, a big one), and it truly hurts you to see all your imperfections so grossly displayed like this. Seen in this way, they appear almost unforgivable. How could ONE programmer make SO many mistakes?

You are in tears. You are remembering the many moments of frustration you've experienced as a programmer, especially the moments of shame when you didn't win the top prize, or when someone else was obviously so much more advanced than you were. Oh my god, and that moment when you deleted three years worth of work accidentally while trying to wipe out a horrible virus that plagued your system for years.

You feel horrendous, incapable, pathetic, a total loser, and SO far from the goals you've set for yourself. The screen just keeps scrolling down all your failures until you want to vomit.

Then, a recorded voice begins to play.

It agrees with you! It tells you that yes, this pathetic display of ineptitude is indeed yours. If it could (were it a person and not a computer), it would rub your face in it like a pile of shit (if it were shit, and not code), so you could finally become truly sick, once and for all, of your failings.

This goes on for hours. You think about removing the CD, but a part of you is transfixed, listening to the new program speak. It is seeing right into your deepest fears and inadequacies. If it has this power, what other power does it have?

Soon, it tells you.

It can transform you, it says. All these old problems don't have to be "you" anymore. The future is waiting for you, and it wants you to be a SUPER PROGRAMMER!!!

Yes, you think. PLEASE!! TELL ME HOW!!

It turns out that you have to buy their Operating System. It's twice as much money, but you can't move forward without it. On the screen suddenly flashes a Pay Pal payment page, ready to go. Distraught, you type in your account number as quickly as possible, and order the Operating System with overnight shipping, then you go take three Valiums and fall asleep twitching.

It arrives the next day.

The new Operating System is very different from anything you've ever encountered before, though oddly reminiscent of so many other programs . . . but no time for that now, because something amazing happens as soon as you install it. Immediately, a few of your most annoying bugs disappear! The New System tells you how to get rid of them, which, you realize, was much more simple than you'd ever guessed. It bothers you a bit that you never thought to do this yourself, and you wonder if maybe you would have figured it out on your own, but no matter! Already you feel the money was well spent. Bye bye bugs!!

Then you discover that you no longer have access to your old programs. They are now controlled by the New System, which doesn't completely understand them, but manages to run them -- albeit oddly -- within the new framework. It bothers you that you can't control your own programming anymore, but initially you feel so relieved about getting rid of those bugs, you let it slide and start playing with your new control system.

You discover that the New System is requiring you to learn an entirely new programming language.

This is really weird, you've never used a language like this before. It's just like the language you're used to, but somehow reworked in a way that seems new and ingenious . . . though really frigging odd . . when you think about it . . . . most other programmers won't understand it. . . . But the New System insists that this is the KEY to making everything work, all the time, bug-free and glitch-free!! Who wouldn't want that??!!

However, you find that this causes more than a few problems.

*In many ways the language makes no sense, seems overly complex or convoluted, or even meaningless: The System tells you it's because you don't "get it" yet, but you will.

*The language doesn't work in all programming situations, sometimes it causes serious glitches that weren't there before: The System tells you that's because you don't know how to use it effectively yet, but you will.

*You are still making programming mistakes, but now you can't trace their source independently, so you never learn exactly what you did wrong. You press a button and the system "fixes" it by making the page disappear and replacing it with a code that functions, but is not the code you were trying to create: The System tells you their code is better.

*The language is so annoying and incomprehensible to other programmers, they don't want to even deal with it. When you try to share it, they run out of the room screaming, or laugh in your face: The System tells you thats' because they aren't using the program themselves, and that's why it's SO IMPORTANT THAT THEY TRY IT!!!

You begin to receive phone calls from the company to start pushing a free sample of the software onto all your programming friends, and then get them to buy the package. These phone calls are INCREDIBLY pushy at times, and you feel like you're being sold a used car. Meanwhile you haven't really figured out whether this whole thing is working for you yet . . . but you're so pressured by these people . . . they keep asking you if you're a SUPER PROGAMMER yet, which you SO very much want to be.

If you're not, they say, it's because you don't know how to use the New System. You must truly be a pathetic idiot after all.

You don't want to be pathetic . . . but in order to REALLY use the system, you have to take a lot of courses. These courses are VERY expensive. You can't believe how frigging expensive they are!! But you want to use this thing, you've spent so much money on it already, so you keep signing up for courses.

Pretty soon, things start to come up.

*You're not sure if what you're learning in these courses is really valuable, and if so, you wonder if it couldn't be learned somewhere else for MUCH less. You're aware of being heavily influenced to take these courses, and often find yourself signing up and spending money you don't have before taking the time to think rationally about the consequences. The courses take up a lot of your time and energy as well.

*You don't like that you can't fix this New System yourself. Every time it breaks down you have to call the company to explain what went wrong, or talk to another long-time user, who can't always explain the problem, and often tells you it's your fault for using the program incorrectly. You can never be sure if this is true because fundamentally, you don't understand what you're dealing with.

*You are bothered that you can't access a lot of your old programming anymore. Even though you're supposed to feel "empowered," you actually feel trapped in a box, you can't be creative or innovative anymore, unless it's within the parameters of the New System.

*You start to wonder if maybe you are, in fact, a very creative and innovative programmer who has a hard time working within such a controlled programming language, and who doesn't mind taking risks, getting hurt, and learning. You start to wonder if maybe you can forgive yourself for your old mistakes, integrate them into your personal program, and build upon them for further innovation.

*You start to want to deprogram your personal computer, and take back the controls.

*Also, you're going broke and many of your old independent computer programming friends can't stand you.

You start -- belatedly, but oh well -- to question who sold you this New System in the first place. You check out the people who claim it's working really well for them. You discover two VERY IMPORTANT THINGS:

*The people who claim it is working perfectly are often lying. It isn't working perfectly, but they don't want to admit it because they've spent SO much money and invested so much time into becoming New Systems programmers.

*The people who claim it is working perfectly were not good programmers to begin with. You realize that these folks only bought this New System because they couldn't hack it being independent programmers. They needed a bigger system to control their work. You realize that you were always better than that, though of course, your road is more challenging.

Then, finally, you decide to check out the Company itself.

You discover:

*The Company has undergone many name changes

*The Company's owners are an incestuous group of shady financiers with criminal pasts, including fraud, extortion, embezzlement, and some who were purely sociopathic by the official definition of the word.

*No one hired by the Company has been professionally trained in computer programming.

*The Company has been repeatedly accused of using highly advanced subliminal messages within the software to stimulate intense feelings of inadequacy in programmers to keep them using the New System (this REALLY pisses you off!! MIND CONTROL!! You can't believe it!!)

*The Company has a long record of charges brought against it by programmers whose livelihoods have been destroyed by losing their personal computers, all their data, and their grasp of legitimate programming language. The Company has settled out of court and demanded gag orders be placed on the victims.

*The Company's software has been independently tested and a number of huge and fundamental flaws and bugs have been uncovered -- but no one ever told you about these up front. They said it would work perfectly.

*The Company's lawyers aggressively pursues any individual who attempt to make the above information known.

*The Company is nothing but a huge Pyramid Scheme designed to make tons of money for the criminals at the top.

*You have been HAD.

At this point, you are faced with the need to deprogram your computer, and reprogram it using your old software, and perhaps a few new tricks you learned from the New System. However, you realize it will be hard to know exactly which one of their tricks really works, and which one is a bad bug or virus. You feel confused, unsure, and depressed.

You join an online support group for programmers who have been scammed by the New System, and there are more than you could have imagined. Their stories are horrible. And right there, in the "resources" link, waiting for you all the time, and what a shame you didn't find it sooner, is this article.

I like it.

vlinden - that is GREAT! I'm going to save a copy. I love it - skeptic