Dear WiserNow,

I am so sorry you went through this, too. It has been nearly a year now since I was involved with the Sterling guy I met, and it still shakes me at times, just reconstructing the intentional lies necessary for him to operate as he does. I'm glad your guy was at least not married while he was seeing you (I never knew the guilt and pain of hurting someone else until this jerk led me into it). The guy I knew is still up to his tricks, as far as I can tell--still married, but listed single on the dating site. Still, marital status hardly lessens the pain of your own Sterling encounter. You just feel so used and misled. It just shouldn't happen, much less be condoned. I am so glad you found someone sane and wonderful now!!! Congratulations!!!

Strangely, I recently ran into the woman who had invited me to a Women's Weekend recruitment meeting. She actually did seem very happy, had lost a lot of weight, and she told me it was all because of her circle of friends and the support they give her. Gee, I hope she never disappoints them... Then I told her my experience--she had tried to convince me at one time that "Sterling men are different" and encouraged me to meet some. She was somewhat apologetic, and said he "must have strayed" from what he learned there, but said that "some men are just like that". Then she tried to get me to come to some other events. She's a nice woman, and maybe some good comes from it, but I will always be suspicious. Plus... it still makes me sad that she did not want to be friends unless I would become a member of that group.

I think that many people are looking for solid ground, and find something that feels safe in these types of groups and their doctrines. Isn't it amazing how we as humans seek ends to oppression, and then almost unwittingly pine for the same "good old days" we worked so hard to escape?

This is another Sterling thread from over a year ago. Read the stories...

if my pm buddy is out there, please respond, check your messages, please, need to know you're ok

I was involved with a man that is part of the Sterling Group. We recently broke up and I find myself wanting to research and "fix" the situation. At first he was very attentive and kind - seemed very interested in a relationship with me. When I asked questions, he patiently answered. Towards the end, he seemed to resent me asking questions and being interested in his group. I still care for him very much and would like for things to work out, but I'm not so sure.

I keep wondering how such smart people get involved in this stuff. Am I making it out to be more than it really is? Can this group do anything good for people? I'm trying to keep and open mind.

hello very concerned.

my guy was in sterling from last june until dec.

it was awful for me because everything i was reading on this site, he was denying, although it was all true.

it was like he had to protect justin and all his goons from ME.

i was wild for awhile, in your face kickass about his involvement. even though he got out he still had a smartass cocky

attitude for a long time and treated me badly.

were getting better now but it took along time, alot of battles and a couple of months with an excellent therapist who

pointed out to him that going out w/ a bunch of guys, spilling your guts and trying to solve your relationship problems is

counterproductive. why?

BECAUSE YOU NEED THE OTHER PERSON IN THE RELATIONSHIP TO DO THAT WITH. LIKE, oh, YOU KNOW, INTERACTION?

listen, if you were together a long time like we were previous,

have children and invested your heart soul and years of hard work together

AND if you actually had a good relationship prior, its worth fighting for.

otherwise, cut him loose for as long as it takes for him to get all this s**t out of his head.

it sounds cold but its not worth the long term stress.

it'll take time. good luck

Hello and thanks for responding. We have been together for a while, but don't live together. I don't think he's ready to break ties with me completely, but it seems as if he's being fed information. He's contradicting everything that he said to me when we first met.

I don't think he's going to leave the group, but I'm wondering what type of information I can give him. When I first asked him about the group he knew immediately I had been on this site and claims he's never even looked here.

I don't think he wanted me to be the STR, but rather the long term relationship. I have met a lot of the men that he is involved in, spend time with them, etc. I'm wondering if they've seen me as a strong person, so that wouldn't be good for them, according to their "rules" Does this make sense?

Our relationship was good at the beginning. He seemed to be open and honest with answering my questions and I was never judgemental because I didn't know anything about it. I still don't, except for what I've read here.

When I told him about a website I had been researching through, he knew exactly which one and said he had never come on here before because it was all negative.

He's a very good person, just caught up in this and I'm wondering if there's a "time limit" in which people are involved. I'm very naieve as far as this is concerned. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that stuff like this actually exists, never mind someone I know being involved.

I appreciate your input and anyone else's that comes on this site. Are there any other resources available other than here and factnet.org?

how long were you together? How long has he been in the group

I, too, dated a guy who was involved in Sterling. At first, I thought it was positive because his communication improved. (He was involved in Landmark, also.) When I learned more through the internet & this site and talked to him about it, he became defensive and angry. He wouldn't read anything on the internet and said that I should trust him since he went through it.

I often wondered how I should handle this and what would have made a difference. In the end, I don't think it would have mattered. He was too entrenched. Even if left the group, his belief's had changed and his strange ideas on male/female roles would have been impossible for me to live with. I do believe that the group help him push him to end our relationship. He admitted that his team was pressuring him for months to end things with previous girlfriend.

I feel for you. Your situation is very difficult.

It's unfortunate that you have taken the measure of the Men's Weekend from men of such weak character.

I did the Men's Weekend a number of years ago, and I continue to have regular contact with a large group of Sterling men. I have never heard Justin or any man from the weekend advocate, endorse, encourage or condone infidelity. That kind of behavior is not looked upon kindly by the men I hang with. The shallow and insecure behavior you talk about on this forum is not what the weekend is about.

My woman is strong, powerful, compassionate, loving and beautiful. I treat her as the queen she truly is, not in spite of, but because of what I learned at the Men's Weekend.