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Thank you so much for this article and this site, for the awareness it brings.

Having lurked in an NLP forum some years ago, I was and am horrified that these techniques are studied and applied as though using language towards such ends would be some sort of fine art.

Men would post their NLP "love letters" and have them edited by others. Suggestions were made as to which words worked best and how to successfully seduce online as fast as possible.

Even with that knowledge, I too fell prey to a very "clever" Don Juan type (as I later discovered). We even had a whole discussion about NLP and how evil it is!

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'I had never even heard of NLP until I was introduced to it by my ex partner who displays all the characteristics of
NPD/Sociopath/Cyberbath. He was a highly intellectual man who had a few books on NLP, Body Language, and the "Art of War" which is a frightening book.

'He told me the NLP books were a very valuable tool for his work environment for "team building" etc. I was very skeptical as I hadn't really looked at them and wasn't convinced you can learn things like that from a book. I wasn't really paying attention at that time because he was so convincing and I just didn't pick up on it.

'Later, down the line, as my life with him was taking on an extremeley uneasy kind of malevolent feeling, I started to nose around in these books to see what all his fuss was about.

'He was always telling me you can "change the way you are by changing your thoughts" and I tended to disagree. He would often tell me I needed to change my thoughts but obviously I was incapable of change.

(This you-can-change-reality-by-changing-your-thoughts is New Age common place. Given what this correspondant says, it might be a tip off that someone is covertly using NLP Corboy)

'When I started looking at these books, I was quite horrified.

'I felt that, in the wrong hands (little did I realise) these skills could be used in an abusive way to assert control over people without their permission or knowledge, because you aren't walking around all the time with a radar looking out for people playing mind games with you. I had arguments with him to this effect.

'I also felt uneasy because I noticed he made notes in these books, and ticked off passages, and underlined them which I felt was odd and creepy.

'It slowly dawned on me that maybe he was using these tactics on me as I had begun to discover lies he had told, and women he was in touch with, and realised that one of the things I had noticed about him is the language he uses, especially by email or text.

' I could never quite get to the bottom of it, but always sensed there was something hidden in his words. I also began to realise he was playing head games with people, and he revelled in the power it gave him. He regularly told me how he belittled people at work who had crossed him in some way.

'It was reading these books, beginning to see pieces in a strange jigsaw, having realised I was in a state of constant anxiety around this charming, dazzling and rather controlling man, but had never worked out quite why.

'When I discovered he had a secret little life of internet activity, where he prowled the internet for women, using the same words/styles of language and approach to each and everyone, the same he had used on me, I began to realise that nothing he said to me meant anything at all. What staggers me is the amount of women that respond to him with poetry, romantic letters, telling him how special they feel around him

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I'm sure most of you know this, but for those new to the subject, here is some practical advice.

For people as self-absorbed and seemingly uninterested in you as malignant narcissists are, they are very snoopy.

They go through your drawers and papers. They are looking for dirt, and they are trying to find out if you're on to them. Hence, like all abusers, they often spy on and stalk their victims.

If you are being abused by someone who has access to your computer, know that he or she can access information that tells them what Websites you've been visiting and whom you've been emailing. It's not at all hard to prevent this. Here are instructions on how to prevent it.

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In fact, this is why I don't post testimonials on my sales page for the book.

Narcissists stalk prey on the Web, as well.

Often they do this by posing as a victim and trying to initiate contact with some hurting person who posts in a group or blog.

Therefore, when posting to any group or blog, you should use a screen name and be leery of forming a relationship with anyone out there who emails you privately and tries to strike one up with you.

It's also best to use a free email account for posting to groups and blogs, because the providers of free email accounts do not require you to give your real name and street address (like your ISP does).

Free email accounts are readily obtainable from many sources, such MSN, Yahoo, and so forth. All they require is a screen name you make up and a password.