About a year ago I became involved in this group [www.knowledgism.com] to my detriment. I lost my wife and child to this movement. I have not heard from my kids in 2 months, dont know where they are living or anything like that.

When I call and a group member answers the attitude towards me is very ugly. For my part in this I questioned their principles and pointed out things I did not like once too often. Now I am in the process of a divorce.

I strongly believe after reading Steven Hassans books that this group is possibly the most destructive "wolf in sheeps clothing group" I have yet to see. Whats even more interesting is that it has little or no negative press. I know of few instances where some serious illegal issues took place at this ranch and I am concerned for my daughter because she has indicated on many occassions that she hates the place.

Please make this groups actions publicly known.

Rehman

(Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. I dont have any further advice than this. After you read this, look for a lawyer--corboy)

This website is for persons who are partners of someone with borderline personality disorder

[www.bpdcentral.com]

So even if someone does not actually have BPD, a cult- created new personality may react in ways that resemble BPD--[i:d6cb07dd6b]and you'll be in for the same roller coaster ride as a partner of some with BPD[/i:d6cb07dd6b]. So information from the books cited below may be somewhat transferable to your situation.

Recruits may receive expert coaching from cults on how to behave in court and how to set parnters up for a fall so that they lose custody.

Certain groups have decades of experience perverting and exploiting American open society and the legal system. A new franchise that derives from one of these older entities would know how to apply these same dirty tricks right from the get-go.

The lawyers listed on the BPD site may know how to advise you or refer you to an attorney in your area who can help you avoid the many pitfalls characteristic of these cases.

Until you can see a lawyer take these precautions:

Document ALL interactions with your wife and children. Attorneys love chronologies. Who, what, when where. Dont try to describe emotions or intentions--the law cannot compute these. Describe observable events. Pretend you're a Martian observing the situation. Hard to do, but necessary.

Do NOT meet your wife unless you have a witness present. It is not unheard of for unethical lawyers to tell women to provoke their men to touch them, then accuse the guy of having assaulted them. Once a restraining order is slapped on you, (or God forbid, you've been taken to jail) you are at dreadful disadvantage in a custody dispute.

Record all phone messages and conversations.

If she pokes at you, tries to claw your face, tries to push your buttons, tries to start a fight--put your hands in your pockets, walk away and do not look back.

(Try and identify exactly what your 'hot buttons' are, so that you can catch on quick whether she's trying to do this. Ordeals like this are a great way to acquire self insight).

* Dont socialize with, or touch, or have sex with your wife until 1) she is OUT of the group and

2) every single legal loose end has been tied up*. If your wife is behaving unpredictably, falls into bed with you and the groups conditioning kicks in later, she could decide you have raped her, and file charges.

You may be desperate for any sign that she's come to her senses and fall for this unless you're very, very careful. Some of our members have had partners and spouses who left them, came back, left them, came back, left them, came back, eighty zillion times.

So dont have sex until you're 2,000% sure she's out of the group and legally everything has been resolved.

No matter how tempted you are, avoid alcohol and drugs. Dont dont date until this is over.

A lawyer advised, 'Live like a monk until the papers are signed.' Dont date and dont even appear to be dating--it could be used to make you look like a horn-dog in court. (Never mind if she's the one who is running around. Its not enough for you to be virtuous. You have to appear virtuous. Law is a combination of the search for truth and applied theatre arts.)

Go to the gym. Volunteer for good causes. Avoid crap food. Cook and eat healthily and take care of your health--it will keep the stress from killing you and give you a much needed sense of self control when the rest of your life feels out of control.

Know as much as possible about your children's school work, grades, their teacher's names, their pediatrician, their health status, record of immunizations-that way you can demonstrate you are an involved parent who has been sharing child care, and you are more likely to get custody.

If you are still living at home with your wife, do not leave the house. Once you leave, you're at a disadvantage in court. The lawyer can tell you how this all works.

Make sure the lawyer is filing the paperwork on time. Keep a running log. Make friend with the clerks at the court house. Buy them coffee if they will let you. Smile even when you dont feel like it. That way the court clerks will associate you with pleasure not pain. They can tell you if your stuff is being filed on time.

Divorces and child custody situations are treacherous and explosive if your partner has BPD or has been alienated by a cult or toxic church.

I read this book and was struck by how much of the material seemed transferable to parents trying to win child custody after a partner got involved in a cult that had disrupted the marriage.

[www.bpdcentral.com]

Love and Loathing:
Protecting Your Mental Health and Legal Rights When Your Partner has Borderline Personality Disorder
by Randi Kreger and Kim A. Williams

With additional material by:
J. Michael Bone, Ph.D.; James Novak; Michael Roe;
The Texas Fathers for Equal Rights;
Dean Tong; Michael R. Walsh; and Robert Weiss, LCSW

Love and Loathing is for people in romantic relationships in which one of the partners has BPD. Kreger and Williams discuss how to survive the romantic emotional roller coaster ride, how it affects children and how to decide what to do; legal experts explain how to deal with the legal issues often involved in divorce, such as child custody battles, false accusations, and restraining orders.

The site also offers this book

[www.bpdcentral.com]

SPLITTING:
Protecting
Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist


by William A. Eddy, forward by Mike Roe

Reviews:

John
Rain09Man04
Steve V., father of 3
Lynette, recently divorced and released
EEddylaw
Table of Contents
SPLITTING is designed for anyone facing a high conflict divorce, whether or not your spouse meets the criteria for a Borderline or Narcissistic Personality. Its explanations of WHAT TO EXPECT in Family Court and WHAT TO DO to protect yourself and your children, can be used by anyone, including your attorney, your therapist, your family and others involved in your case.

I wrote SPLITTING after ten years as a divorce attorney representing many fathers (and mothers) whose spouses appeared to have Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders or traits. Since I had been a therapist for the previous decade, I recognized these personality problems -- but I did not realize at first how successful they can be at manipulating and confusing legal professionals.

Rather than being rational and protective, the Family Court process can be very unpredictable and inadvertently encourages false allegations, aggressive and sometimes violent behavior, and intense blaming of the Non-BP or Non-NP spouse. Many Nons have been unable to protect themselves and their children from abuse by the BP or NP, and instead have found themselves experiencing restraining orders, supervised visitation, financial sanctions and even incarceration, because the courts are often more persuaded by the intense emotions and blaming behavior of a Borderline or Narcissist, than by your honest presentation of the facts. I call them "Persuasive Blamers."

This book explains how the Family Court process interacts with these Persuasive Blamers, and summarizes the lessons I have learned, including: the importance of careful preparations before announcing the divorce, using therapists and experts, avoiding short hearings on important issues, fighting hard at the beginning rather than trying to fix bad decisions later, and how to work most effectively with your attorney. I do not blame Borderlines and Narcissists, as they are also caught up in this adversarial process which often enables them to remain stuck rather than getting the help they need.

--William A. Eddy, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Family Law Specialist

Apologies for sounding grim and paranoid, but this is one of the rare situations in civilian life where a degee of paranoia can come in handy.

Again, be sure to check all this with an attorney.

Thank you for your assistance... I am seeking an nti-cult attorney at the moment. I am devestated here!

I sent over a police office to speak with my wife to at least contact me, he wound up speaking with the group leader who informed him that my wife does not want to speak with me and wants nothing to do with me.

Please help me!

I would be careful of attorneys and courts, too. If the cult has a strong presense in your area, they might have bought off a few people, even a judge or two. The cult may even hire a "connected" attorney to help the process for them.

The important thing is, try to know as much about your own attorney and the opposing attorney as possible. Don't sign anything you are uncomfortable with (stipulations cannot be appealed), and be leery of "backroom deals" where a stenographer is not present,

This post is not legal advice . I am making an attempt at layman legal discussion, but I am not an attorney and as we all know, it's best to consult with an attorney or go to law school.

You can get help finding a lawyer at [www.CSJ.org]