Krishna Consciousness: How I sold my selfhood for a few grams of bliss
Date: October 15, 2021 07:33PM
Leaving the cult of Chris butler and Krishna has been quite a long, painful, interesting, enlightening journey.
I had always been a truth seeker since I was a child and never felt attracted to the material construct.
I mostly wanted to know where I come from and where we are going when we finally leave this body.
Due to my personal family dynamics and genes, I was very prone to depression and suffered greatly most of my life.
In 1998 I had what people call my first great awakening. This threw me on an even more setious spiritual quest.
The quest and a series of mystical synchronicties led me to a meditation brochure that was very attractive. It seemed to have an answer to many of my deep questions.
The meditation classes were offered by the Hare Krishnas offshoot (science of identity) who never overtly promote themselves as Hare Krishnas.
That first class was the start of me falling into the trap of a covert cult.
The mantras, the philosphy, the community... felt like finding the Oasis my soul had been longing for my whole life.
The bliss that one feels chanting the mantras and relating to the deities was like entering a different dimension. I fell into that dimension as easily as Alice in Wonderland.
I became very quickly addicted to the bliss and the hope that Krishna consciousnes was my ticket to freeing myself from the misery of being reborn in the material world.
The path comes with a middle man. One cannot escape the guru who is the second god on earth.
Unfortunately I did not know that our savior and Lord, chris butler, was hiding behind a narcissistic, germaphobic, hypochondriac, tyranical personality.
All I know is that his teachings were helping me and that I finally felt happy.
I slowly sold my selfhood in order to get that bliss fix.
I put up with emotional and spiritual abuse, I hung out with people I had nothing in common with, I destroyed my body by going beyond my limits, I surrendered my mind and will, I gave them my money, time, I gave up all my ties to old friends...
I did all that to feel the love of a deity and the middle man. And to get my bliss fix.
A happiness that came with the high price of giving away my freedom.
I betrayed myself and lived in fear for so many years just to be happy.
I saw people embrace free labor and slavery to the lunatic master. Cry because of the emotional abuse, shake in fear...
But not many were able to give up the transcendental soul crack.
Not many devotees can and will admit they are bliss addicts because they do not have that insight.
They are now just generic so called “eternal servants” of the servant of the servant of the servant of the SUPREME PERSONALITY OF GODHEAD.
They have turned into docile, fearful, kind hearted robots.
Someone else dictates how you should think and act. Whom you should marry, where to live, what to say, how to act.
It is the spiritual and glorified version of big brother.
The more you surrender your will and suffer, the more you get blissed out.
It is a very complex apiritual masochism in the guise of spiritual perfection.
I recently lost a relative to addiction. He put up with homelessness, prison... just to get that crack high.
This is excatly what I was doing to myself and I freed myself from the greatest danger.
I reclaimed my individuality and rebuilt a new version of myself.
I no longer have the security of the group, the transcendental bliss, the promise of going back home to a sweet blue boy Krishna.
As I stand alone in life with no friends, no security, no future, no bliss, noone to burry me if I “die”, I have gained the greatest gift of self sufficiency.
All I can say to butler is that noone puts baby in a corner! Lol!
My journey reminds me of the 40 days in the desert.
Since I left, the path has been trying to lure me in again by offering me supernatural phenomenon that would convince anybody.
I said no over and over again.
I choose self respect over bliss and love any day.
I do not think I am God but I know that I am not a dog either that can be trained by a spiritual MASTER.
I accept that there must be a divine intelligence that runs this complex universe.
I sincerely hope with all my herat that Krishna consciousness and 24/7 worship via the middle man, is not the Absolute Truth.
If the likes of chris butler are in reality god’s represntative, then we are for sure unknowingly in purgatoty.