Welcome to CEI, akapz.
You've written a valuable essay. There must be lots more people out there in your situation.
Here are some tips:
* CEI is all about freedom from coercion. You are under no obligation to answer any questions or convince anyone.
* Discussions here can get intense. Do feel free to take a break.
* If you receive private messages (we call them PMs), you are under no obligation
to answer any. If a PM discussion becomes burdensome, you don't have to continue.
* If you ever get private messages that seem in appropriate, please send a copy by PM to Rick Ross. He cares about our safety and wants to be informed if anyone is misbehaving.
You can contact Mr. Ross here: