Anon and Powerful Woman of Eternity, I want to give great thanks for your contributions on this educational forum. It give me deeper insight in PY/Dondrup's undescribed/hidden/not talked about background. Especially his past on sexual activities. Thus how he seems to somehow express his great frustration on sexuality towards me, in the way he have been assaulting me for a long time now. (Do consider that around 2015 - some time before the time i arrived at his centre he has already been energetically "raping" me for a while. When after, in retreat 2015-2016, it clearly showed, that AT ONE POINT, he stopped his manipulation on me and "let go" of his assault for a moment, as the energy of shame loosened in my body dropping down -in fluid form because it is assaulted from the root and being moved through and around the body- as i was "heavily sweating" this out... while he was looking at me i know it happened... But i only perceived it as if he was helping me, and no other way than that. Now i consider this as some form of abuse that he've been doing on me. Because also, i do remember how similar things happened before, and how he have VERY DEEPLY manipulated, shamed and troubled me in times before 2014)
It seems to me that this "lama" Dondrup" is an actual very frustrated man.
Who actually is easily tempered (angry) when it comes to his personal business/turf, which he, as a "Buddhist teacher" is ofcourse discouraging and make us feel very guilty of.
However, i want to clarify on some things.
It is not that Dondrup has no skill/realisation.ability at all.
And to "move" people is a possibility, but what you see from him is extremely exaggerated, and possibly enabled by students' own sensitivity/RECEPTIVENESS of energetic suggestions.
What i want to make clear is that this "lama" is a master of manipulating the Root Chakra, which holds your ancestral memories (which i do now deeply understand how they have been continuously DIGGING DEEPLY into with clear denial of permission from my side, but the problem is that this lowest of chakra's is very much "unconscious", so in a very subtle way they have known how to deceive me (which i was half-aware of though but i couldnt fully figure how to fend them off consistently) to manipulate me consistently. Not allways as effective due to my own "realisation/knowing", but eventually on the long-term they got me more and more insecure. Through that, -which is quite strange-, i still have allways a strong sense of confidence and self-belief however, but in the root there is this insecurity/instability in me.
Because of SHAME, which is just, as it have allways been, part of my own inner reaction on some of my sexual behaviours - it make me feel shameful to know that i have been watching porn and self-pleasure on sexual fantasies while actually i never had any problem and still not be having problem to find attraction from the female -
I seem to be having a strong sex-drive, this animalistic nature which we all have as human beings, but actually, on my own i can manage it perfectly well. It is not a problem for me at all. But in the eyes of a "great teacher" whom, appearantly is very dogmatic, and thus does NOT respect the conditions of individuals, this is a great problem. So he make of it a big problem for the individual.
I have NEVER HARMED someone, nor WILL i ever harm someone with my sexuality.
Which they know ofcourse. But for some reason, they want to abuse this "weakness" in me, and literally steal my energy.
WHY they want to steal my energy? And what do they DO with it?
They "SHOOT" this, in its fluid form, into other people's bodies.
I dont know exactly why. But i KNOW it cost me. It harms my integrity.
The root, as i have experienced for myself very deeply, as i am capable of loving very deeply, of being deeply loving, i know the root is very much connected with that. I have CLEARLY been aware of how Dondrup (and those who listen to his instructions by being faithfully blinded -by faith itself- which ofcourse is the work of Dondrup's PROGRAMMING on Guru Yoga) have been FANATICALLY assaulting this and confusing this all the time that he has been chasing after me. (I would like to share my story of his-THEIR chase on me, so maybe later)
I had some crazy things happening to me, such as, my strange neighbour had at some point kicked a girl out of the door, being totally naked, next to my door.. She was thus sitting down naked on my doormat.
I heard a desperate female knocking my door asking for help...
-They probably wanted my to take advantage of her and her vulnerability so as to make me feel even WORSE about myself and MORE GUILTY, but..-
I never touched her.. After some time of doubt and confusion - and the insecurity/fear of that, and what was going on- i opened up, quickly gave her some clothes, didnt even PEAK at her naked body because i just knew already what time it was, i saw naked arms at some point so thats enough. I heard her story, gave some answers and felt deep love for her which i wanted to share, and did.. I was, to my own thinking, making some mistakes by hugging her - it is mistake because i was still walking around with my negative thoughts on Dondrup andsoforth-, and also this kind of thing may cause FEELINGS in others which i would have rather not have that happening, because as far as i understood, this girl was "another man's woman", well, i could say "possession", because he was rather possessive (knowing her just 2 weeks and considering her as such already while nothing between them was yet very certain, so..) - By thinking logically, i reasoned that this boy had been using illegal party-drugs on her, to dwelm her and being extra submissive for... sex(ual abuse). So i had explain this to her also, which i regretted later, as it gave me doubt and insecurity later, and from that (from that place of deep innocence) the fear of having done something wrong.
Because of that fear of having done something wrong (HOW DEEPLY ROOTED is that in Dondrup's abusive programming on us?!?!!), i approached this guy for a few days, after which he finally opened the door. I was actually very very humble and understanding towards him (having thought longer about my previous assumptions about him), and approach him from this stance of vulnerability, he became very angry with me, even threatened me that he wanted to kick me ass (no chance though which i know very well, but from this insecurity-fear and guilt of what i had said about him, and being possibly wrong - i did not respond to it - normally i would ofcourse invite him to try on me --> because he is a person that, from HIS type of behaviour, people like me would LIKE to kick his ass! - but though, from that and the reasoning from "Dondrup's Wisdom Teachings" --> "The best way to respond to conflict is nòt to respond", so i allowed this to happen and thus left him with the illusion of having power over me) But in fact, from this, and as long as i was insecure and perhaps wrong, in fact this situation ITSELF had power over me, which was THEIR power - those that manipulated me, those who want me to be and remain in fear. You know who.
Sorry to complicate it a bit more, but for you to understand my experience and how that this manipulation keep causing me certain instability due to me having to digest experiences and thinking about what i'm experiencing, OFCOURSE, later i regretted my choices on this guy. He actually SHOULD have got his ass kicked. Well, not that, because i'd like to still adhere to the Buddhist Wisdom Teachings and to be loyal to the Path of the Soul-most of all-, but he should have been CONFRONTED about what he had done to the girl. And from that moment i decided to stay away from my home, from self-shame and secondly this condition.
As i decided it would be wisest to stay away from this potential conflict, as i had also been thinking of seeking the conflict so as to amend for my mistakes on him. And wanting to get the THREAT off my back you know? He is not a threat to me at all because he wouldnt stand a chance but its that idea that i am stuck with.. Anyway, i knew what he was motivated by: FEAR.
But me too.. As i want to avoid seeing him, because i am still unpleased about the way he acted on me and i feel that, he was wrong by his behaviour towards the lady at first, and second to me, so as to shield/protect his dirty secret.
For this reason i do not want to interact with him, and have been literally staying away from home for one year straight already...
I have only been back for 2 times just to make sure, posting and other things around my home would be ok so that i wouldnt have to leave or have officers/law-enforcement breaking in my home because hey are worried about my state of being and residence. Thinking i'm dead or something because i'm never home...
Anyway, all this stuff, is thus still very much connected to the Root... That's why this story serves the rest of what i have written here. And it's all for my "friends" out here who read this website.
This is what i wanted to share with you, since we have been talking about the root now, here is the reason why: [spacioustherapy.com
My wish is for you to read this and i really wish the best of understanding and positive future fruition from this.
PS. I wrote the word "friends", but i dont really believe in (having) friends anymore, because my "ideals" on what a friend supposed to be like, is SO (well, very) high, that nearly nobody can manage that. At least, it demands very high Integrity and Sincerity, which most of the ordinary people just dont have.
And to my great disappointment those of whom i would have expected to have no judgement on me, due to lama Dondrup's influance, HAVE judged me. And SOME of them (some of my very BEST FRIENDS of this Pathgate place) have even accepted Dondrup's instructions on continuous sabotage/manipulation on me. WHATEVER their goals where. In the long run it was all negative, disastrous.
However i know, AT SOME POINT it will have sometething positive.
But i'm very aware of how they KEEP STICKING to me, wanting total control and influance over me, and the outcome of everything, wanting to be PART of, whatever i am doing and going through, seeking some kind of, positive outcome for themselves.
Those of friends there, from Pathgate "Sangha", those are allways remembered for whom they really are, as i know who they really are. Beautiful and very kind people. But that which disappointed me will allways be barrier between me and them. Especially as long as Dondrup is in the picture.
I have learned some things from Dondrup which are very very helpful and appreciatable, but he is most definetely, for allways kicked out the door.
Whatever or whomever he be or really is, and is actually still, trying to PROVE whom and what he is and would be..... but really, i dont care for it. Not my guru, i am beyond this eternalistic view that he is still trying to bind me to.
I have learned from another person whom also, AUTHENTICLY teaches the Buddhist path, as a high -and very LOVING (which is most essential)- teacher, that, the actual job of the Guru, is to bring the student to that state of being that the student DONT NEED the Guru.
This puts the record straight on this Dondrup Rinpoche. As an extra contributor to support what we have already understoond about Dondrup Dorje - how he seeks to BIND students to him-.
I personally have experienced this as VERY POSSESSIVE, very claiming.
Which, as a natural Sagitarius, is COMPLETELY repellent for me.
Discipline is very good. Dictature is not. Not for me.
Bless and praise those holy monks who have completely pure practice,
But... Helping others does not mean forcing others.
And forcing others, is definetely not a definition of helping others.
:) Thanks for viewing (L)