My hunch is this will eventually fade. If you treat this as something to get curious about 'Oh, that again', and treat it as an experiment, not something to get anxious about, maybe this will help. If you are curious about something, it loses its power over you. Usually fear and curiosity cannot co-exist.
In cults and cultic relationships, play and curiosity fade away, because fear
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Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups