My fears are not rational. But I struggle with a lot. I used to war with myself. Had I been more faithful, would I have avoided getting such a disabling disease. That kind of crap. It's all bullshit. I have no legal basis for 'reporting' them. And if everyone thinks it is so easy, then go ahead. I don't have any relavent information to share, in the legal scope of thin
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

There are people well beyond Gary that control the money and the information. Like maybe his brother-in-law? To me, this is scarier than one man pulling the strings. I feel like it is a fraternity of men, who share the wealth and information. If they deem you worthy they might even give you a job. I don't trust people. Period. Some of them were my best friends for a lot of years
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

New post on . The abuse of men and women was about equal in the cult. I was told, what would be the point of saying anything. My parents took money to not report a rape. I am just completely disgusted with all of this.
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

We were told not only to trust Jack but to honor him. If I would question things, or express that I felt something was "off" then I would get in trouble. Asked why I couldn't be like the other kids among the "youth". I didn't have an answer. The leadership started to use the younger generation against each other. They manipulated, did the who's better than
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

I don't know who I would be without Jack Hickman in my life. Hell, I didn't know who I was with him there. I do think abuse enables abuse. I can remember someone convincing me to talk to Jack and Gary about the abuse from my parents.....before I could say anything, Jack said "we don't have time to talk about all that is there" or something like that. So I started
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

Thank you everyone. I am starting to work on the peace and happiness part. But it is coming. I need to be patient and I am still learning trust, but it is coming along. Through therapy I have the courage to face more of the things that happened. Sometimes, hearing myself re-count things from my past, I feel like a person reading a story, rather than talking about my own. And a lot of times I
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

Thank you. The truth is half of the details I only discovered this year and the rest I was never brave enough to say anything......a few people knew as I got older but I never told anyone in authority. I was too scared.
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

I haven't posted in a long time.......working on life stuff (that fortunately does not involve the cult!) And yet it does involve them. This is all over the place.........but here goes. I was born into the Hickman group, always pushed to please the 'authority' figures, whether it was at school or prayer sessions etc. I mean please in terms of doing what was told and believing it
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

I was born into Hickman's group. The statute passed.
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

I haven't posted in a long time.......working on life stuff (that fortunately does not involve the cult!) And yet it does involve them. This is all over the place.........but here goes. I was raped when I was about 10..........my parents accepted money and a car to not report it. GD was the one that paid the money and gave the car, as it was his son that committed the rape. I rode a
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships

My story is similar to many of you. I am also, ,or more accurately WAS, consider to be Youth. I remember the commitment mandated from us in 1996. How easy it was to want to belong to something that seemed so important, that was intended to make US feel so important. I have always been somewhat of a rebel within the 'group'. But also highly regarded. Always a strange mix of react
Forum: Abusive and Controlling Relationships